Marriage -- Is it right for me? (Podcast)

I was recently a guest on The Widower’s Journey podcast where we discussed marriage and when/if widowers should remarry. Listen below.

Is the old adage true? When there is a death in a marriage, women mourn, men, replace. Listen in as the Dean of widowed men, Herb Knoll, explores this question and many others during this podcast titled, “Marriage - Is It Right for Me.” Joining Herb are three widowers, including one widower who authored the Ultimate Dating Guide for Widowers, Abel Keogh. Learn what our guests say about marrying too soon, to gaining permission to marry from a widower’s children, pre-nuptial agreements, to a discussion about the risks associated with marriage soon after being widowed. What are the questions each widower needs to answer before popping the question? No topic is too hot to handle. Join us for this lively podcast.


Ask Me Anything (Widower Related)

Through the end of June I’m taking questions related to dating, marrying, or having a relationship with a widower or being a widower. You can even ask me personal questions related to this topic that aren’t addressed in my books or videos. I’ll answer these questions in upcoming Widower Wednesday videos. All questions you submit will remain anonymous.

This form is now closed. If you want to contact Abel or ask him a question, click here.

The End of Grief, Part 1

Grief is NOT something that you have to live with for the rest of your life. Grief can come to a happy end. In the first of a two part series, I share stories of those who have overcome grief and why expecting people to grieve forever sets them up for a lifetime of misery.

Interview: In the Company of Widowers: How They Grieve & Move On

Me and two other widowers were recently interviewed on the blog Life Lessons at 50 Plus. Excerpt below.

Is the mourning process different for men versus women? Do men do so in more private ways? Are they lonelier in their grief?

Keogh: Men will not cry in public and have less of a tendency then women to break down and cry in general. Typically, if grieving, they’ll talk about their late wife, generally leave pictures out and still wear their wedding rings. If they’re not ready to move on and they begin to date, the date might feel like she’s competing with a ghost; there’s a third person in the relationship.

Lockhart: My grieving has been alone in private for the most part.  

Selner:  I dealt with my grief by talking about it with my daughters and a few other close friends or relatives, frequently telling them how I felt. There was a lot of crying privately and allowing myself to feel the love that was much deeper than I realized before I lost her, and the guilt that I didn’t tell her how deep it was as often as I should have. I am still dealing with it.

How do widowers fill the void from spousal loss?

Keogh: I did a lot of things with my guy friends, which was therapeutic. I also started blogging anonymously at first and then wrote my first book, Room for Two. It was published in 2007—six years after my late wife died.

Lockhart: I have filled the void partially with all the tasks and busy work that follow the death of a spouse. I stay busy with boards, both non-profit and for-profit, and teach a course at Ga Tech.  

Selner: I have never filled the void. But I tried to accept it and adjust to it.