Widowers often do or say things that hurt the women they're dating or married to. Sometimes they're small transgressions while others leave lasting emotional scars. No matter the offense it's vital that you forgive, forget, and move on with life. So how to do you forgive a widower who's hurt you? Relationship coach and widower expert Abel Keogh has the answer.
How to Keep the Late Wife's Memory Alive
How does one keep the memory of the late wife alive? Is there a way to do it that strengthens the relationship instead of destroys it? Relationship coach and widower expert Abel Keogh has the answers.
Help! My Widower Won’t Stop Comparing Me to the Late Wife
What do you do when a widower compares you to the late wife? Relationship coach and widower expert Abel Keogh gives you something that will stop the comparisons every time it's tried.
A Remarried Widower Reviews Netflix's "Rebecca"
"Rebecca" tells the story of a young woman who strikes up a whirlwind romance with a wealthy widower then moves to his mansion in England and feels she's living in the late wife's shadow. How realistically are widower issues portrayed? Is it a film you should watch with your widower? Widower expert and relationship coach Abel Keogh has the answer in this bonus Widower Wednesday video.
The Best Way for Widowers to Grieve
When it comes to helping widowers grieve and move forward, most people don't know what to say or do. In this video widower expert and relationship coach Abel Keogh discusses healthy ways for widowers to grieve, what you can do to support them, and when you should stay out of their way.
How to turn a 3-heart Relationship into a 2-heart Relationship
Widower relationships are often described as being one of three hearts: the widower, his late wife, and you. Since these kind of relationships never work out, what can you do to turn a three-heart relationship into one of two hearts? Relationship coach and widower expert Abel Keogh has the answer.
Chrissy Teigen, Loss, and Our Collective Inhumanity
Yesterday Chrissy Teigen posted a photo of her sitting in a hospital bed after miscarrying her 18-week old baby, Jack, and the internet exploded. Some accused Teigen of milking her tragedy to increase her social media following. Others said she was a hero for expressing her loss and grief. Others wondered why anyone would share, let alone take, a photo of such a personal, tragic moment.
As someone who has lost a child and is tired of the continued divisiveness that’s encouraged by social media, I will say this: Losing a child is the worst thing anyone can experience. It doesn’t matter if it was a miscarriage, a stillbirth, a child who died soon after birth, or any other age. It sucks more than words can describe. Losing a child is something I’d never wish on anyone for any reason. My daughter, Hope, was born nearly 3 months early and died 9 days after her birth. That was 18 years ago, and I still feel an occasional flash of pain from losing her.
Social media wasn’t a thing in 2001 so I have no idea how I would have announced Hope’s death. Maybe I would have included a photo of her. Maybe it would have just been a couple of sentences. Maybe I would have let someone else post about it because taking Hope off life support was such a gut-wrenching experience that I may not have had the strength to do it. I do know that if I lost Hope in 2020, whatever I shared probably would have generated a similar reaction as Teigen (albeit on a far smaller scale).
One of many problems with social media is that it’s made everyone think they’re mind readers. For example, someone posts their support for Donald Trump and those who disagree accuse her of supporting white supremacy. Someone posts their support for Joe Biden and she’s accused of being a socialist. Teigen posts a photo of her grief and millions of people can suddenly read her mind and know her motivations for announcing it.
The truth is I have no idea why Teigen posted the photo and accompanying message and you don’t either. I hope it was because it was a sincere expression of grief and pain she’s going through and not to increase her social media presence. (If she posted it for likes or to grow her audience then I have absolutely no sympathy for her situation.)
Sadly, social media has become performance art making it nearly impossible to tell who sincerely sharing something and who’s just looking for more likes, shares, and clicks. The varied response to Teigen’s announcement and photo proves it.
The only person who knows why Teigen posted the photo and announcement is Teigen herself. And since none of us can read her mind maybe the best course of action is to either assume the best of intentions or say (or post) nothing in response. (Side note: maybe give your social media friends the same benefit of the doubt when the post something about politics or anything else you disagree with. Always attributing the worst motives to those who disagree might make you feel awesome but it comes at the cost of your soul.)
As for taking photos of such personal, tragic moments, back in 2001 I wasn’t happy that my parents took a lot of pictures of Hope’s brief life and funeral. I had so much going on that documenting the event was the last thing I cared about. But after life calmed down I was grateful for the photos. And though I doubt I would have shared them on social media, they brought me much comfort when I was in a state of mind to appreciate them.
Finally, If I had the chance to say anything to Teigen, it would be this: I’m sorry for the unexpected loss of your son, Jack. I hope that you can reach a point where you can find peace and understanding from this event. I’m praying for you and hope that God will give you the strength to move forward one day, one hour, and one minute at a time.
Widower Issues vs. Compatibility and Personality Issues
It's easy to get so focused on widower-related concerns that we think every relationship issue is related to his loss. That's not the case. In this video relationship coach and widower expert Abel Keogh shows how you can tell the difference between widower concerns and compatibility/personality issues.
Should Widowers Erase Photos of the Late Wife from Their Phone?
Widowers often keep photos of the late wife on their phones. Should they delete them? Back them up? Leave them on their phone? Relationship coach and widower expert Abel Keogh has the answer.
Help! My Girlfriend Wants Me to Erase My Past? What Should I Do?
When starting a serious relationship is it acceptable for widows and widowers to have photos or mementos of the late spouse around? One widower feels like his new girlfriend's request to remove the late wife's photos and trinkets is the equivalent to erasing the past. Is it? Relationship coach and widower expert Abel Keogh has the answer.