Looking for a few more Living with a Widower Stories

I sent Living with a Widower off to the editor and a beta reader over the weekend and just got feedback from both of them. Over the next few days I’ll start making changes based on their suggestions and comments. I've also been going through stories that readers sent in for the book. The good news is that I've got tons of great stories to use. (I’ll be in touch soon if your story is chosen.) The bad news is that the book has evolved since I first asked for stories last year and, as a result, have either written some chapters I didn't plan on or have some subjects that people didn't share stories.

As a result, I’m posting a list of stories that I’m in need of. If you feel like you have a story to share, send me an email with your story. If you can get the stories to be sometime before January 21, that would be great. Please keep submission to under 750 words.

  • I need 1 more story about what happened when a GOW or WOW continually permitted or made excuses for a widower’s bad actions or behavior.
  • Need 1 more story about what happened after you learned about the widower’s and late wife’s sex life.
  • Need 2 stories that address the ups and downs of participating in or volunteering for charity runs, foundations, or other events that commemorate the late wife.
  • Need 2 stories about dealing with memorial tattoos—1 positive one and one negative one.
  • Need 2 stories about how you forgave a widower who hurt you.

Thanks and let me know if you have any questions.

Update: Just got a positive tattoo story that I'll use. Keep 'em coming.

Update 2: Received two good forgiveness stories. Thank you, ladies!

Update e: Tattoo stories have been taken care of. Thanks!

Really, Really, Really Bad Book Covers

A couple years ago I stumbled across a blog dedicated to bad book covers. The blog was hilarious but, sadly, inactive soon about a year after I discovered it. Thankfully there's another site out there that's picked up where the other blog left off and is posting such cringe inducing beauties like the following.

Check out more covers at Lousy Book Covers when you get a chance.

Hat Tip: The Passive Voice.

Review of Go On: Win at All Costas

Overall rating: 3.5/5 stars

Summary for GOWs, WOWs, and Widow(er)s: Ryan’s widowerhood wasn’t really an issue in this episode. Mr. K tries to “replace” Janie but to little effect. Instead the grief/loss focus is on Anne who is still bitter and self-centered over the loss of her partner. However, she learns that she isn’t the only one that suffered loss and learns to realize that others are hurting just as much, if not more, than she.

Recommended episode for widow(er)s and their significant others: Yes

Favorite quotes from the show:

Anne: Do you experience me as a wet blanket . . . a bummer?

Ryan: Anne, you’re kind of catching me off guard here, but, yeah.

Anne: Fausta didn’t invite me to her niece’s think. I mean I’m not all sunshine and rainbows but my life is hell. I’m basically drowning in a sea of sorrow.

Ryan: Hard to imagine why she wouldn’t want that at a 15-year-old’s party.

Anne: I can be as difficult as I want, but my stuff is bigger than hers.

Ryan: I don’t think she sees it that way.

***

Anne: Look out girls, widow coming through. Yeah, that’s right, life ain’t all Justin Beiber and Second Face.

***

Anne: Look at her having so much fun with her family and her friends while I sit at the table with my partner: Lonliness.

Watch clip.

***

Anne: How do you do it? How do you smile with so much pain?

Fausta: “You can smile or you can cry. And I choose to smile.”

Watch clip.

***

You can watch the episode below.

Link to All Widower Wednesday Columns

Due to popular demand, I've created a page that contains the links to all 112 (!) Widower Wednesday columns I've written to date. You can find that page here. Bookmark it so you can find it quickly. Also, tonight I’ll email my editor the latest and greatest draft of Living with a Widower for her review. This weekend I’ll go through all the stories that were emailed me and start notifying people whether or not I’d like to include your story in this book. The second rounds of edits are scheduled to go to the editor on February 1. If all goes well, I should have the book released by the end of February.

Finally, even though I Widower Wednesday columns are going to be monthly until I can get this book out the door, I will be posting short reviews of Go On every Wednesday and touch on the points that GOWs and WOWs might appreciate as well as a link to where you can watch the latest episode. Think of it was pop culture Widower Wednesday. :)

Look for my first review tomorrow.

Book and Blog Updates and Public Apperances

Three quick updates to share: Book update: Over the weekend I finished a solid draft of Living with a Widower. I’m only like two months behind schedule on this but it’s finally to a point where I can start wedding story submissions with the chapters. If you submitted a story but haven’t heard back from me, don’t worry, you’ll hear from me one way or another soon.

Blog update: Until the aforementioned book and some other writing projects back on track, Widower Wednesday will be a monthly column, appearing the first Wednesday of each month. If you still need a Widower Wednesday fix, you can find links to my 2011 columns here and my 2012 columns here. Sometime this month I’ll create a master index of all my Widower Wednesday columns going back 2009. I’ll post a link on the blog when it’s up.

Where’s Abel Update: My public appearances are shaping up for the first half of 2013. If you happen to be in the area for any of these, feel free to stop by and say hello. I've got a few more events that I hoping to add to the calendar soon. You can always see the most up-to-date list here. Currently my public appearances are as follows:

February 14-16 Life The Universe and Everything (LTUE) (More details to come) Provo, Utah

March 9 Write Here in Ephraim Snow College Ephraim, Utah

March 30 Utah Chapter Romance Writers of America 11:00 a.m. | Centerville Library Centerville, Utah

May 9 Storymakers Bootcamp Instructor Provo, Utah

May 10-11 Storymakers Writers Conference Provo, Utah

If you’d like me to appear at an event, you can contact me here.

Widower Wednesday: Don’t Waste Your Life

It’s 2013 and many people have made resolutions for the New Year. Whether or not you’ve made any resolutions may I suggest may you add one to your list: Don’t waste your life.

One of the sad things I saw over and over again in my inbox last year were relationships that came to an ignominious end after the GOW patiently waited for years for the widower to give her the same love and respect that he gave the last wife.

It doesn’t take years to know if the widower is ready to move on. In fact, it generally takes a year or less to know whether he’s ready to give his heart to you or if you’re spinning your wheels. If you’ve been together more than a year and you still feel like you’re living in the shadow of the late wife or he has some major grief issues that need to be resolved, you’re better ending the relationship. If the widower hasn’t been able to open his heart to you after a year together, additional time isn’t going to change things. Odds are he’ll still feel the same way at two years, five years, and ten years. Life is too short to spend precious months and years with someone who’s not ready to give his heart and soul to you.

If both people want something bad enough to happen, things have a tendency to fall into place and work out. It was that way in my relationship with the late wife and with Marathon Girl. I’ve seen friends and family members experience it as well as many others widowers and GOWS experience it. You can’t fit a round peg into a round hole. Don’t try to make something work that, for whatever reason, isn’t meant to be.

Make 2013 the year you stop investing time and emotions into a relationship that’s not going anywhere. Instead resolve to put that effort into more productive endeavors.

Widower Wednesday: 2012 Columns

Here's a complete list of all the Widower Wednesday columns that were published in 2012. Watch for new ones in 2013. January 4 | Call For Marrying a Widower Stories

January 11 | What if She Dies?

January 18 | Photos of Hope

January 25 | Remembering the Past, Embracing the Future

February 1 | Cutting Your Losses

February 8 | Dating a Widow

February 15 | The Wrong Question

February 22 | Forgive and Forget

February 29 | Leap of Faith

March 7 |  Testing the Water

March 14 | Cover Suggestions

March 21 | Reprise

March 28 | Abundance vs. Scarcity

April 4 | How to Talk to a GOW

April 11 | Giving Books to Widowers

April 18 | Marrying a Widower Chapter 1

April 25 | A Book for Widowers?

May 2 | The Love of My Life

May 9 | Bad Talking the Late Wife

May 16 | A Different Emotional Place

May 23 | Widower Movies

May 30 | Awkward!

June 6 | How to Flirt with a Widower

June 13 | Stop Acting like a Victim

June 20 | All Your Life

June 27 | Writing About Loss

July 4 | Independence Day

July 11 | Facebook and the Late Wife

July 18 | What It’s Like Dating a Widower

July 25 | Positive Things about Dating a Widower

August 1 | Widowers and Ultimatums

August 8 | Widowers in the News

August 15 | Go On

August 22 | Call for Topics

August 29 | Sex with the Late Wife

September 12 | It Doesn’t Matter How She Died

September 19 | 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Get a Memorial Tattoo

September 26 | Women, Widowers, and Insecurity

October 3 | Friends Who Still Grieve

October 10 |  5 Questions

October 17 | Man Up and Be a Dad

October 24 | Man Up and Be a Dad Part 2

October 31 | Secret Relationships

November 7 | Making New Dreams

November 14 | Lawsuits, Forgiveness, and Moving On

November 21 | Where to Spend the Holidays

November 28 | The Widower, His Children, and Christmas

December 5 | Why You Should Watch Go On

December 12 | Erasing a Widower's Past

December 19 | Different Kinds of Loss

The Warm Lights of Home

One of the things I hate about this time of year is that I generally drive to and from work in the dark. For some reason it makes me feel like an entire day passed me by—all because I didn’t get a chance to see the sun.

But since we moved this summer I’ve discovered that the drive home doesn’t seem as dreary or dark. Our new house sits on a small rise. As a result, you can see it (if you know where to look) from about a mile away. Seeing the warm lights of home in an otherwise dreary and dark world actually brightens my spirits and makes me feel like there are still plenty of things to do even if the sun set a long time ago. It’s a reminder that there’s a family who can’t wait to see me and spend the rest of the day together work.

So thank you warm, bright lights at home for reminding me on cold, dark winter nights that there’s still plenty to do and something worth coming home to—even if the sun has long set.