Widower Wednesday: Don’t Waste Your Life

It’s 2013 and many people have made resolutions for the New Year. Whether or not you’ve made any resolutions may I suggest may you add one to your list: Don’t waste your life.

One of the sad things I saw over and over again in my inbox last year were relationships that came to an ignominious end after the GOW patiently waited for years for the widower to give her the same love and respect that he gave the last wife.

It doesn’t take years to know if the widower is ready to move on. In fact, it generally takes a year or less to know whether he’s ready to give his heart to you or if you’re spinning your wheels. If you’ve been together more than a year and you still feel like you’re living in the shadow of the late wife or he has some major grief issues that need to be resolved, you’re better ending the relationship. If the widower hasn’t been able to open his heart to you after a year together, additional time isn’t going to change things. Odds are he’ll still feel the same way at two years, five years, and ten years. Life is too short to spend precious months and years with someone who’s not ready to give his heart and soul to you.

If both people want something bad enough to happen, things have a tendency to fall into place and work out. It was that way in my relationship with the late wife and with Marathon Girl. I’ve seen friends and family members experience it as well as many others widowers and GOWS experience it. You can’t fit a round peg into a round hole. Don’t try to make something work that, for whatever reason, isn’t meant to be.

Make 2013 the year you stop investing time and emotions into a relationship that’s not going anywhere. Instead resolve to put that effort into more productive endeavors.