Bye Bye Borders

The bookseller Borders is history.

Borders Group Inc. said it would liquidate after the second-largest U.S. bookstore chain failed to receive any offers to save it.

Borders, which employs about 10,700 people, scrapped a bankruptcy-court auction scheduled for Tuesday amid the dearth of bids. It said it would ask a judge Thursday to approve a sale to liquidators led by Hilco Merchant Resources and Gordon Brothers Group.

The company said liquidation of its remaining 399 stores could start as soon as Friday, and it is expected to go out of business for good by the end of September.

From a consumer perspective, I always liked Borders more than Barnes & Noble so there’s a part of me that’s sad to see them go. But, to be honest, I’ve only been to a bookstore once this year and I don’t remember buying anything. Ever since I gave Marathon Girl a Kindle, we’ve downloaded all the books we read. The few times I’ve needed hard copies, I’ve ordered them off Amazon. So, yeah, I’m part of the reason Borders is history, but there are now more efficient means of purchasing books. Though a few bookstores will survive, their time has come. Bookstores are simply a victim to technology making life more productive and economical.

From an author perspective I’m not that broken up about Borders demise. Books will survive just like music survived the digital transition.  More efficient means of distribution are already making them cheaper* and available to more and more people. In the past the loss of a bookstore like Borders might have been devastating to authors. Now booksellers are losing their edge. You don’t have to be in a book store to be a best seller. There’s a lot more opportunities for authors now than there was two or three years ago. With some marketing savvy and ability to write books people want to read, the possibilities for authors and publishers are endless. There’s never been a better time to be an author than right now.

* The big six publishers still haven’t gotten this message. For example the upcoming Lee Child novel, The Affair, is priced at $13.99 for Kindle. Not cool. Not cool at all.

Running: 11 Years and Counting

This morning I celebrated 11 years of running by going on a four mile run. My two oldest boys tagged along on their bikes—very happy to be outside so early. We had a great run and afterwards sat on the porch for a few minutes drinking ice cold Gatorade before we had to inside get ready for the day. As we sat on the porch I thought about how much I enjoy having my boys come with me on these runs. When I first started running, it was something I enjoyed doing by myself. Granted, I didn’t have any kids then but I relished the solitude. The exercise helped me clear my mind and focus on different things.  Then Marathon Girl came along and everything changed. Running with her was a great bonding experience for the two of us. She kept pushing me to run faster and keep up with her. I loved the challenge she provided but most of all I just liked being with her and sharing some time with her doing something she loves.

It’s kind of the same experience with my boys. There’s some father-son bonding that goes on during these runs. When they’re not racing far ahead of me and tell me to catch up (they get that from their mother) and I enjoy talking to them or just listen to them chatter on about whatever’s on their mind as we navigate the running paths in our neighborhood. It seems like I learn more about them during these morning runs then just about any other time. I enjoy this time so much that on the mornings I end up running alone, I find myself wishing they were riding along with me.

There’s a part of me that’s amazed that, after 11 years, my body is still able to run mile after mile every morning. I keep thinking that one day it’s going to say enough and force me to swim or bike instead. But I’m happy my body is still holding up because I can still do the occasional run Marathon Girl—even if it means taking all the kids with us. And I’m glad my boys like coming with me. I hope they know how much I enjoy having them with me.

I hope it’s something they want to do so long as my body can keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Widower Wednesday: A Widower’s Heart

I’ve got a couple inquiries as to the official launch date of the Dating a Widower book. I don’t have a firm date other than late August. I was hoping to get it out earlier but Marathon Girl is expecting a baby the first week or so of August and trying to release the book around her due date probably isn’t the best idea. I hope to nail down an official release date by the end of this month.

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On a recent discussion thread in the Dating a Widower Facebook Group a woman made an acute observation about the widower she’s dating. She noted that when the widower is thinking about the late wife or still grieving he tends to distance himself from the new relationship. When the widower’s thoughts are focused on her he and their relationship tend to grow stronger. She, and several other woman who have similar experiences, found this push/pull aspect of the relationship to be very aggravating and frustrating and wanted to know why he was acting that way.

The answer is pretty simple: Men can only actively love one woman at a time. Though the human heart has a great capacity for love, men can only put one person at the very top. When a widower’s actively mourning the late wife or spending inordinate amounts of time thinking about her, then the woman he’s dating is going to be pushed from the top spot. And it’s usually a big fall from to the number two— just ask any woman who’s been shoved from the top.

All widowers struggle to some degree with putting feelings for the late wife to the side. This mean just about every woman has experienced the push/pull aspect in the relationship. The problem happens when the push/pull goes on for days or weeks and is a constant part of the relationship. For example, some women will email me and say that the widower will go through an emotional rough spot and not contact her for an entire week before saying he’s ready to get back together. Sometimes they’ll repeat this push/pull pattern every month. Others might me dating widowers who have three or four good days followed by three or four bad days. If your relationship is experiencing push/pull moments that make you feel like you’re on a never-ending emotional roller coaster ride, that’s usually a sign that the widower is having a difficulty moving on or has his own doubts about the relationship. Healthy relationships are always moving forward.

Though Marathon Girl and I had our own push/pull moments they were never that frequent or that extreme. For every time Marathon Girl felt pushed away there were 10 or 20 times she felt I was pulling her closer. In other words, for every step backwards there were 10 or 20 steps forward. If you feel like your relationship is moving backwards or treading water, maybe it’s time to do a gut check and figure out if the widower is really ready for a committed relationship with you.

Widowers will always love and have feelings for the late wife. There’s nothing wrong with that. However as the widower starts a new relationship he needs to move those feelings for the late wife in a different part of the heart—a place where they won’t compete for the number one spot. If he’s unable to do that, odds are the new relationship will eventually fizzle out.

So how does a widower put those feelings for the late wife in a special place? That will be my topic of next week’s column.

Give Me A Choice When Buying Groceries

Some major grocery chains are considering doing something stupid: Eliminating self-checkout lanes.

Albertsons LLC, which operates 217 stores in seven Western and Southern states, will eliminate all self-checkout lanes in the 100 stores that have them and will replace them with standard or express lanes, a spokeswoman said.

"We just want the opportunity to talk to customers more," Albertsons spokeswoman Christine Wilcox said. "That's the driving motivation."

***

The move marks a surprising step back from a trend that began about a decade ago, when supermarkets began installing self-checkout lanes, touting them as a solution to long lines. Now some grocery chains are questioning whether they are really good for business.

Kroger, the largest grocery chain in the U.S. (with some 2,500 outlets), is experimenting with removing all self-checkouts in at least one Texas store, reports StorefrontBacktalk, an industry publication. Publix, another major chain, is "on the fence" about self-checkout, according to a report quoted in the story.

When I go shopping, it’s usually to pick a few things up for Marathon Girl on my way home from work. There are two stores near our home that I can pick things up at. The first has no self-checkout lanes. The second has 10 self-checkout lanes. Unless she needs something specific at the first store I always choose the second because self-checkout lets me get in and out of the store quickly. At the store with no self-checkout lanes there’s always a line at every checkout lane. Going there adds at least five minutes to any shopping trip.

Self checkout lanes are perfect for shoppers who don’t have many items and need to get in and out of the store quickly. The human touch is great when you have a cart load of groceries but when I go, I don’t care if I talk to someone. I want to buy what I need and get on with my life.

What I don’t understand why some stores don’t want to give shoppers a choice of how to buy their groceries. Just because there’s a self-checkout lane doesn’t mean someone has to use it. If people want the human touch, that’s great—let them wander over to a lane with a person. But please don’t force to stand in line when all I need to buy is a gallon of milk or a bag of apples. I’m fully capable of checking out those items by myself.

Funny Subtitles

After reading my last post asking for subtitle feedback, one reader emailed over some of her own true-to-life subtitle suggestions and gave me permission to share them on my blog. There's a part of me that wishes I could use them on my real book. My personal favorite it the fourth one.

  • How to make sure the dead wife is truly buried before you get married
  • Is there a ghost in your relationship? How to know the exorcism failed
  • What to do when you think there is another bitch in your bed, and you don't own a dog
  • She's gone, you're here. If that isn't enough for him, move on my dear
  • How to be in a relationship with a man whoes mind that is more numb than the usual man
  • How to be number 1 when you are number 2
  • Dead people are perfect, you aren't. How to be perfectly imperfect
  • How to date a man who visits the late wife's resting place more than he visits yours

Have a your own true-to-life subtitle you'd like to share? Add them to the comments below.

Widower Wednesday: Subtitle Help

Just a reminder that I’ve upgraded the comment section of the blog so you can reply directly to a comment instead of leaving a comment several spaces down. Hopefully this will help everyone follow the different conversation threads that can occur on a post. (And thanks to all those who helped me beta test the comment section. So far everything seems to be working.) If you have a problem with the new comments functionality, please send me an email so I can investigate the problem.

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This week, I’m asking for one last bit of help with the forthcoming Dating a Widower book. (Regular Widower Wendesday topics to resume next week!) One thing my editor and I have been struggling with is the subtitle to the Dating a Widower book. We’ve thrown some ideas back and forth but really haven’t found anything that sticks. So what I’d like this week is some feedback from you on the seven subtitles below. Is there one that jumps out at you? Are there changes or tweaks you’d make to one of them? Do you have one that would work better than those listed below? If someone suggests a tweak to an existing subtitle or comes up with a new one that I end up using, you’ll receive a free copy of Dating a Widower book when it’s released in next month.

Here are some of the subtitles ideas we’ve been tossing around:

  1. How to Have a Successful Relationship with a Man Who’s Starting Over
  2. A Woman’s Guide to Men, Grief, and Moving On
  3. A Guide to Knowing if He’s Ready to for a New Relationship
  4. Starting a Relationship with a Man Who’s Starting Over
  5. How to Know if He’s Ready to Move On
  6. Everything You Need to Know About Dating a Man Who’s Starting Over
  7. A Guide to Dating a Man Who’s Starting Over

Thanks for your help!

Update: For those who aren't familiar with the book, think of it as a 101 guide to dating a widower. It covers the basics of dating a widower (what to look out for, red flags, how he should treat you, etc.) as well as successful and not so successful stories from women who have dated widowers.

Comments Upgrade

Because some comments threads on this blog can get a little long, I’ve just added a Reply options to the comment section so you can reply directly to a comment instead of typing in an answer that might appear three or four (or more) comments down. Hopefully this will make the discussion a tad easier to follow. It also lets you subscribe to the comment thread via email as well as preview your comment before posting. It works for me but I want to make sure this work for everyone, so if you wouldn't mind, reply to a comment on this thread or subscribe via email. If something not working, send me a quick email.

The Paperback Game

Looking for a game to play at a party or when on vacation? A writer for the New York Times has what looks to be a hilarous way to pass the time while on vacation or at a party where there are lots of books lying around.

Here’s what you’ll need to play: slips of paper (index cards work well), a handful of pencils or pens and a pile of paperback books. Any sort of book will do, from a Dostoyevsky to a Jennifer Egan, and from diet guides to the Kama Sutra. But we’ve found it’s especially rewarding to use genre books: mysteries, romance novels, science fiction, pulp thrillers, westerns, the cheesier the better. If you don’t have well-thumbed mass-market paperbacks in your house, you can usually buy a pile from your library, or from a used-book store, for roughly 50 cents a pop.

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Once you’ve gathered your loved ones at the table — 4 to 10 is optimal — and opened fresh bottles of wine and perhaps put on an old Ry Cooder record, here is how the game unfolds. One player, the “picker” for this turn, selects a book from the pile and shows its cover around. Then he or she flips it over and reads aloud the often overwrought publisher-supplied copy on the back cover.

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The other players absorb these words, and then write on their slips of paper what they imagine to be a credible first sentence for Ms. Lindsey’s novel. Essentially, they need to come up with something good — or bad — enough to fool the other players into thinking that this might be the book’s actual first sentence. Players initial their slips of paper and place them upside down in a pile at the center of the table.

Meanwhile the picker — the person who read the back cover aloud — writes the book’s actual first sentence on another slip of paper. He or she collects all the slips, mixing the real first sentence with the fakes, and commences to read each one aloud. Each person votes on what he or she thinks is the real first sentence.

Here’s how score is kept: If someone votes for your bogus sentence, you get a point. If you pick the real first sentence, you get two points. (The picker doesn’t vote in this round.) Now go around the table clockwise. Someone else picks a book, and you repeat the process until a round ends – that is, until each person has had a turn at being the picker. Or you can play until the wine bottles are drained, and it’s time to go outside to gawk at the stars.

You can read the entire article here.

This would actually be a fun game to play at my parents home where there are tons of books lying about. I’m heading over there for the 4th but alas we already have tickets to a demolition derby. However, it’s something I’d like to try next time I’m at a party or hanging out with the family later this summer.

If any of you have played The Paperback Game (or something similar) I’m curious as to how much you enjoy it. According to the author you don’t have to be a book worm or a writer to excel at the game—just creative.