Book Review: Sleight of Hand by Deanne Blackhurst

Is it possible to con your way out of hell? That’s the question surrounding Deanne Blackhurst’s latest novel Sleight of Hand. Fifty-two year old Daniel Cabrero dies when a cons he’s running goes bad. After his death he finds himself in a purgatory-like place called the Wasteland. Aside from a guide named Jonah that comes and goes, Daniel is completely alone with only his memories of the past to keep him company. Eventually he realizes that his time in the Wasteland is only temporary and it’s up to him to ether redeem himself and move on to a place called Providence City or to a dark place from where there’s no return.

What I liked: The author did an excellent job of showing how one’s actions, for better or worse, affect other people. Many of the scenes where Daniel could see how his selfishness and scams hurt others people were very heart wrenching. The world of the Wasteland is also very creative and original. Though the Wasteland is very beautiful and many worldly pleasures can be conjured out of thing air but without anyone to share them with, the loneliness overshadows the world’s beauty. Daniel is also a solid character and the author does a good job of making Daniel’s eventual redeeming change feel natural and real—not an easy thing to do.

What could be improved: The relationship between Daniel and Jonah felt very stiff throughout the novel. While that worked at the beginning when they were getting to know each other, the relationship still felt rigid long after they had supposedly become friends. The book also could have used an edit. There were some glaring typos and transition issues that could have been fixed with the help of an editor.

Who would enjoy it: Though the book has a religious theme (concepts of right and wrong, heaven and hell) the author goes out of her way to create an afterlife something that someone from just about any faith could relate to. The book would probably be most enjoyed by those who are somewhat or very religious or have a belief in some kind of afterlife.

Rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Full disclosure: I received a free copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.

Widower Wednesday: No Going Back

For those whose stories were selected for the Dating a Widower book, I emailed off all the contributor agreements last night. If you’ve been notified that I’m going to use your story but haven’t received an agreement, check your spam folder. If you still can’t find it, email me and I’ll resend it.

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Recently I received an email from someone who had just finished Room for Two. She enjoyed the book but had a question that is often asked about the last chapter. For those who haven’t read the book, the last chapter takes place exactly one year after Krista’s death. At the end of the chapter Marathon Girl and I are at the cemetery standing near Krista and Hope’s headstone. As we leave I look back and realize that I’ll probably never come back to the cemetery and visit their grave. The reader wanted to know whether or not I’ve been back to Krista’s grave since then and, if I haven’t, if I plan on going back at some point in the future.

No, I haven’t gone back to Krista’s grave since that day in the book and have no plans to return anytime soon. There are many reasons for this, but the biggest one is that I don’t see what going back would accomplish other than suck me into the past. Remembering the dead isn’t a physical act—at least not for me. I have moments when I think of Krista and Hope but those moments are few and far between and last only a moment.  At some point I may go back—but that will probably happen when my kids are older and if the express some curiously about their half-sister or my life before I met their mother. I don’t see myself going back for any other reason.

I’m not recommending that other widowers don’t visit their late wife’s grave (or area where her ashes are scattered). Everyone has their own way of moving forward. For some widowers making occasional visits to the cemetery might be helpful. But I’m not wired that way. For me life isn’t about visiting the past but learning from it and using that knowledge to make the best out of the hand we’ve been dealt.

Nine years ago, I lost everything that mattered to me. Every morning I woke up alone, scared, and without a clue what I was going to do with my life. Fast forward to today: I have a new life now that includes a wonderful wife and 4.5 kids. Getting to where I’m at took a lot of effort, sacrifice, and patience. I had to learn how to rebuild a life from scratch and part of that process included learning how and when to remember the past.

I have no regrets about not going back. If I had gone back—even just once—I doubt my life where I’d be where I’m at today.

Life Imitates The Third VII

I see why Al Gore doesn't allow his speeches to be recorded?  At a speech Monday in NYC, the former VP was caught on tape talking about reducing population as a way to reduce pollution. (Update: The YouTube clip has since been removed by the environmental journalist, Brain Merchant, who posted it.) Said Gore:

One of the things we could do about it is to change the technologies, to put out less of this pollution, to stabilize the population, and one of the principle ways of doing that is to empower and educate girls and women,” Gore said. “You have to have ubiquitous availability of fertility management so women can choose how many children have, the spacing of the children.

“You have to lift child survival rates so that parents feel comfortable having small families and most important — you have to educate girls and empower women,” he said. “And that’s the most powerful leveraging factor, and when that happens, then the population begins to stabilize and societies begin to make better choices and more balanced choices.

From The Third, Chapter 19

Mona shook her head and looked over the plaza. “The only way your kids are going to have any future is if we get this world back to a livable condition. The only way we’re going to do that is with fewer people. People are the problem, not the solution. You know that. I give Teya my credit, and I’m not only jeopardizing your kids’ future, I’m risking the future of every other child in the world too.”
“What if this child’s special? What if he or she is destined to make this world a better place? What if this baby will grow up and invent something or be the kind of leader needed to clean up the planet once and for all?”
“The world tried that for thousands of years, Ransom. It didn’t work. At one point, we had over eight billion people on this planet. What did we have to show for it? Overcrowded cities. Poverty. Starvation. Greed. Wars over finite resources. One more person takes us one step back, not forward. Every living person moves us that much closer to the brink of destruction.”

Widower Wednesday: How She Died

Thanks to all those who gave feedback on the Dating a Widower book cover concepts. It was very helpful to read all of your reactions and suggestions. I’m going with the first concept but will be working with the designer to make several changes to it. Thanks to your feedback, I think the final cover is going to be really awesome. I’m also going to be reworking the subtitle of the book too. Look for some different subtitles to choose from soon.

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Sometimes I’ll get an email from someone dating a widower who thinks that the widower’s failure to commit or other odd relationship behavior is due to how his late wife died. For example, someone recently emailed me and wanted to know if the widower’s hot-cold behavior toward her could be attributed to the fact that his late wife took her own life.

Depending on how the late wife died may add a layer or two of complexity to the grief process, but her manner of death shouldn’t play a role in whether or not the widower can open his heart to you.  For example, my late wife killed herself. As a result there were some anger and forgiveness issues I had to work through that probably wouldn’t have been there if she had been hit by a bus. However, Krista’s suicide had zero relevance of wanting to start a new life with Marathon Girl. If anything, falling in love with Marathon Girl gave me an added incentive to forgive Krista and move on. The process of making room in my heart for her would have been the same regardless of how Krista died.

There are lots of ways to die but the process of opening one’s heart to someone else is the same for practically everyone. Don’t excuse a widower’s bad behavior because his wife died from cancer, took her own life, or was killed in battle. If he blames his lack of commitment or inability to make you #1 on his late wife matter of death—he’s just passing the buck.  A widower who is ready to open his heart to you will find a way to make it work no matter how the LW died.

Widower Wednesday: Father’s Day

Thanks to everyone who gave me feedback on the Dating a Widower concept covers. I’m talking comments through the end of the week so chime in if you have an opinion.

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Sunday is Father’s Day. Though most recognize it as a day to honor the fathers in their lives, what many don’t know is that the mother of Father’s Day was one Sornora Smart Dodd, who organized the celebration in 1910 to honor her widower father.

Dodd's mother died in 1898 while giving birth, leaving her father, William Jackson Smart, to raise Dodd and her five younger brothers (including the newborn baby) on a remote farm near Spokane, Wash. While attending a Mother's Day sermon in 1909, Dodd decided that fathers deserve the same recognition.

That’s right, the modern Father’s Day movement was started to honor a widower who did his best to raise six children on his own.

Despite its’ roots in widowerhood, Father’s Day can be one of those days that many women are unsure what, if anything, should be done to recognize those widowed fathers that they’re dating.

Recently, I exchanged emails with a woman who wanted to recognize the herculean effort of a recent widower who was now raising a young child by himself but worried about overstepping her bounds. She tossed a few ideas my way and wanted to know if I thought any of them would work. I didn’t know what to tell her because I didn’t know the widower. Instead I advised her that she knew the widower better and me and to think of something that he would appreciate.

The key to successfully celebrating Father’s Day and just about any other special occasion is knowing that person. Every widower is different and each has his own things that he likes or doesn’t like to do. For some Father's Day might have been a big deal. For others little, if anything, might have been done to celebrate it. So some widowers might appreciate a small gift or a letter expressing your appreciation. Others may like to go out and catch a movie. Still others (like me) may want to spend a day at home with their kids and putting steaks on the grill. Some may not want to do anything.

If you don’t feel you know the widower well enough to guess, talk to him about it and ask what he’d like to do. See if he has any plans and, if he doesn’t, suggest some possible activities. Go with the flow and make sure you’re doing your best to make the day special for him the best you can. If you do that, odds are it will be a good day for both of you.

However you decide to recognize Father’s Day, at the very least be sure to let him know how much you appreciate how he’s handling everything on his plate. And you may also want to let him know that Father’s Day was started by someone who appreciated everything her widowed father did to raise her. That fact alone might make the day a little more special.

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Note: Grace Golden Clayton is sometimes credited with organizing the first Father’s Day celebration a few years before Dodd. However, Dodd’s celebration was more modern and she also worked tirelessly to make it an officially recognized day. To the victor go the spoils.

Dating a Widower Book Cover Concepts

For the last couple weeks I've been working with a book cover designer for the upcoming Dating a Widower book. After a couple weeks of back and forth I've narrowed the concepts I like down to two. Since my target audience spends a lot of time on this blog, I thought I'd solicit your feedback and see which one you like better. Right now I'm mainly looking for feedback on the concepts--the wedding ring "O" or the couple walking. If there are reasons you like one over the other, feel free to elaborate. If you have comments on the font, colors, etc. that's fine too but that's not something I want to spend too much time on right now. Once I narrow it down to one concept, I'll worry about those other details. And, yes, I have a favorite and no I'm not telling you what it is--at least not right now.

Leave a comment below or send me an email with your thoughts.

Update: Welcome all those who are visiting from The Passive Voice Blog. You can read more about my decision to turn down a publishing contract for this book and go indie with this book here and here.

Concept 1

Concept 2

Pause: A Generation Gap

A while back I was playing Monster with my kids (read: chasing them around the house) when one of my boys turned around and held his hand straight up, palms facing each other and yelled “Pause!”

“Pause?” I said. I’d never had any of my kids pause a game of Monster before.

“You know, like the Wii games,” my kid said. “You pause them when you need a break.” Then he held up his hands again and I realized he was making the pause symbol with them.

I nodded and went off chasing the other kids all the while wondering when Pause became a phrase kids used to stop real world games. Back when I was kid—one who grew up with video games—you called Time Out. Since then I’ve noticed that all kids (at least the ones who play with my kids) all of them use the word “Pause” instead of “Time Out” or some other phrase when playing real world games.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m not complaining. I just find it fascinating how games my kids and other play in the virtual world influence the way they play games in the physical one. So far I haven’t seen them use the world “play” when they start up again after taking a break, but have noticed that they sometimes they turn their Wii games into games they mimic in the real world. That's Something I never did either. Back in my day video games on the Atari 2600 or other consoles weren't as interesting, in-depth, or fun as they are today. In the meantime I’m keeping my eyes open for more signs that the virtual world is bleeding over to the real one.