Benched My Weight!

It’s no secret that I was born with little in the way of muscle mass. Though being tall and thin has its advantages, it also means that I don’t have much muscle mass. Any muscle I manage to add is quickly gone if I don’t lift or try to grow what little muscles I have on a regular basis.

So it was quite an accomplishment on Saturday when I actually bench my own weight – 205 lbs (93 kg) – without any assistance.

It took two years to get here – a process that was slowed by fact that I still run regularly – but it was well worth the time and effort to be this strong.

And the accomplishment was even sweeter because instead of doing it in a gym, I did it at home in front of Marathon Girl, who, by the way, really likes the muscle I’ve added over that period of time.

Life is good and sweet – especially when you’ve worked hard to accomplish something.

Red Flags to Watch for When Dating a Widower

Over the last few years I’ve received hundreds of emails from women dating widowers. From them I’ve noticed some patterns of behavior that indicate the widower isn’t ready for a serious relationship and just using the woman to temporarily fill the void created by the death of his late wife. If the widower you’re dating has one or more of the red flags below, don’t take it to mean that the relationship is doomed or that that issues can’t be resolved. However, keep your eyes open to potential problems before giving too much of your heart to him. It’s better to know what to look for and bail out early then waste years of your life with a widower who’s not ready to make you the center of his universe.

The Widower Hides You from Family and Friends

It’s not easy for a widower to let friends and family know there’s a new woman in his life – especially when many of them are still grieving over the late wife’s passing. He’s probably worried that they’ll think he’s moving on too fast or, perhaps, won’t be open to the idea of seeing him with someone else. He might also be concerned that this new relationship will cause friction with other family and friends who are still mourning.

These worries and concerns are natural, but they’re no excuse. If a widower really has serious feelings for you, he won’t let the thoughts or opinions of others stop him from letting the world know about you. He will find a way to introduce you to family and friends. Don’t worry whether friends and family will approve of you. Your only concern is whether or not the widower is embarrassed to tell others about you.

You Remind the Widower of His Late Wife

Widowers are naturally attracted to people that remind them of their recently departed wife. Hair color, body type, or similar interests are just a few things that might make him notice you.

If you look, act, think, or have other similarities to the late wife, be very concerned – particularly if the widower’s wife is recently deceased. The danger here is that he’ll want you to be the late wife and once he realizes you can’t be the woman he still loves, the relationship will come to a crashing end.

He Constantly Compares You to His Late Wife

People are creatures of habit. We become accustomed to things being done a certain way. In relationships – especially those that have lasted many years – one becomes used to the spouse’s habits and ways of doing things.

One of the big adjustments widowers have to make when they become serious with another woman is realizing that you come with your own unique habits and ways of doing things. Widowers who can’t remember that you’re a different person are a ticking time bomb. Unless you’re willing to become the late wife and do things exactly like she did them, don’t waste your time. Bail out while you still have some sense of identity left.

There Are Still Visible Shrines to the Late Wife

When a wife dies, she becomes immortalized. It doesn’t matter how many faults or sins she committed before she died; overnight those things are forgotten and those behind tend to focus on the good qualities and characteristic of the deceased. Often the person is immortalized through online memorial sites, photos, or even literal shrines to that person.

If a widower is truly making room in his heart for you, the shrines, photographs, and other ways of commemorating the dead will slowly disappear. He’ll find a way to make his home and other places you frequent together a place where you’ll feel comfortable. Don’t even try to compete with a ghost. You’ll always lose. If the shrines remain, it’s time to find someone else who doesn’t mete out his love to dead idols.

He Won’t Tell You That He Loves You

The widower sends you cards, flowers, and chocolates. You have great dates and fun-filled romantic weekends together. He treats you right and gives you all the outward signs that he loves you but an “I love you” has yet to part his lips.

It’s not always easy for men to express what’s in their hearts. But they will express them when the feelings are strong enough. Anyone can give you flowers or a memorable night on the town. Nothing, however, can take the place of a sincere “I love you.” If the widower you’re dating can’t tell you that he loves you and mean it, you risk being a passing fancy with nothing to show for the relationship other than memories and a broken heart.

He Refuses to Talk About His Grief

It’s not a secret that men don’t like talking about their feelings. But you should be reach a point where you both feel comfortable talking about the progress (or lack thereof) that he’s making in regards to his grief.

Open communication doesn’t come overnight. It’s a process of working together and understand when and how to approach the other person. If he can’t or won’t tell you occasionally the progress he’s making as far as moving on, you risk waking up one day and realizing that he’s still in great sorrow and you’ll never have a place in his heart.

Conclusion

Any successful relationship takes two people to make it work. However, both people involved need to make the other person the center of their universe. A relationship with a widower can wonderful – so long as you both work to make is successful. If the widower is letting the dead wife come between the two of you, it’s time to move on.

***

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More widower-related articles by Abel Keogh

Up with Grief NEW!

Dating and Marriage: One Regret NEW!

Widowers: They're Still Men! NEW!

10 Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers

Photos of the Dead Wife

5 Signs a Widower is Serious About Your Relationship

How Vice President Joe Biden Dealt with Grief

Life with a Widower

Dating a Widower

The Grief Industry

Suicide Survivor

A Letter to Elizabeth

Sex and Intimacy with Widowers

The Widowerhood Excuse

How to Talk to a Widower

Red Flags to Watch for When Dating A Widower

LOST: Confirmed Dead

Flashbacks instead of flashforwards in this episode? They were appreciated as we got some background on the new people coming to the island. But switching from flasforwards to flashbacks could become very confusing for views unless the writers take great care in what they’re doing. But so far they’ve done a good job, so I’ll patiently wait to see what happens.

And wasn’t it nice to see the writers start to add some depth to the people that parachuted onto the island? It wasn’t as much information as I would have liked but it’s a start. And we might even get some more background on Naomi in future episodes. I’m crossing my fingers that the writers do a good job with these characters as they have with the other people on the island.

I enjoyed the twist at the end that the group is there for Ben. It makes me think my prediction about them being part of (or at least hired by Dharma Initiative people) is on the right track.

Finally, the best part of the episode was when Locke told Sawyer that Ben had shot him. Sawyer skeptically asked what Locke he was doing walking around if he had been shot. Locke then lifts up his shirt, shows the wound and says “The bullet went through and through. Good thing I didn’t have a kidney or else I’d be dead.”

One of the overarching themes of LOST is that things happen for a reason. I’m guessing Locke isn’t so upset about his father taking his kidney anymore.

Too bad his father’s dead.

***

Oh, and for fans of LOST, how many of you actually watched the Oceanic Air commercial that aired last week? I didn't but thanks to YouTube, I finally viewed it last week. There's an interesting trail of breadcrumbs that will keep you hooked to your computer for hours. You can watch the commercial below.

Who the Boat People Are

Here's my prediction for tonight's episode of LOST. Those people on the boat, who we all know aren't there to rescue the survivors of Oceanic flight 815, are really part of the Dharma Initiative. My theory is that after the Others killed everyone on the island, the Dharma Initiative people back in the real world couldn't find the island again and have been searching ever since. Once they find it their plan is to kill whoever they find on the island and re-establish their research projects.

Anyone have other ideas?

Why Even Listen to Weathermen?

Yesterday Radio Weatherman: A storm will be heading through Utah tomorrow just in time for the morning commute. Don’t worry about this one. We’ll be lucky to see an inch of snow in the valleys. This one’s going to blow right by.

Today

Radio Weatherman: This storm is really pounding the Wasatch front making the commute a nightmare. It looks like it might be here well into the afternoon dropping several inches in the valleys. If you haven’t left for work already, you’re in for a long drive.

Super Tuesday

I’ve never voted in a presidential primary before.

I’ve always voted in state and local primaries but never for president.

The main reason has been that the presidential candidate has been decided long before Utah had its say. So when the time came to cast a presidential ballot it felt rather pointless.

Not this year.

This year it’s actually been a race for candidates from both political parties. This is good as it seems to have generated a lot of interest in the election – a good thing for the country, in my opinion.

Instead of letting a handful of early primary states decide, it looks like the race for president could extend well beyond today for both the Democrat and Republican nominees.

To make it even more exciting Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, and Mitt Romney all are solid candidates and all have a good chance at becoming our next president so interest from both Democrats and Republicans are high.

On my way home from work this evening, I’ll be stopping by the local elementary school to vote. And even though my candidate probably won’t win Utah, it still feels good to actually partipate in an election with such high voter interest.

Oh, and if want to see which candidate, best reflects your views, be sure to take the Electoral Compass test. It got mixed reviews from readers of this blog, but it matched me up perfectly with my candidate of choice.

Super Bowl Ads

I thought the crop of ads for this year's Super Bowl were better than usual. The following were my three favorite.

Visual Dictionary II

amazing Function: adjective

: causing amazement, great wonder, or surprise

LOST: The Beginning of the End

(Note: This is my second post today. For my other entry – my Super Bowl XLII pick – scroll down or click here.)

I was a little worried about this episode. Sure, it’s been hyped by ABC to no end and the television critics (whatever their opinion is worth) have been raving about it for weeks. But I was worried about the flashforwards working as well as the flashbacks.

The flashbacks have been great because they’ve added depth to the characters, made us care about them, and helped us understand why they act the way they do.

But the flashforwards work differently. They don’t really add any depth or more knowledge to the characters. Rather, they work to add to the mystery. It’s almost like the writers are telling a different tale now – one where the main story is what’s going on in the future and the flashbacks being on the island.

This isn’t a bad thing. I loved last night’s episode. (More on that in a minute.) But I foresee problems unless these flashforwards are handled just right.

My main worry is that we won’t learn enough about the “rescuers” who have come to the island that they’ll will become stock, bad guy characters. You know people that are serve no purpose other than to move the plot along. Like Naiomi. We know little about her other than she had a picture of Desmond and really didn’t care about her when she finally died after reprogramming the satellite phone. Yep, she died. Who cares? Quick, Kate, find Jack.

But look how much better flashbacks make even evil characters. Even though Ben, the leader of the Others, is very one of the most despicable characters on the show, we at least sympathize with him somewhat because we know a lot about his background and how he was treated by his father.

So far the writers have made very few errors so I’m going to see how they work with the flashforwards before I pass judgment. I hope they can find away to make them work so that the people who are coming to the island aren’t more than a) evil scientists, b) greedy businesspeople, or c) secret government agents all trying to harness the island’s power that we don’t care nothing about. There’s nothing wrong with the rescuers being one of the above (or something else), so long as we at least understand their motives and know enough about them that we can understand their motivations – even if we don’t agree with them – instead of a clichéd stock characters.

As for the episode last night, wasn’t it wonderful? It had me on the edge of my seat. And did you get that it was Jack’s dad sitting in Jacob’s chair? I really think that Jacob is somehow held hostage by Ben and Others and somehow he’s going to be the one that brings Jack, Kate, Hurley, and the other three castaways back to the island.

I was also surprised but glad the episode focused on Hurley. Because of Hurley’s previous flashbacks, (see how effective they are!) we know to be skeptical when he sees Charlie but can’t help but wonder if the island is trying to communicate with him. More than anything, I just want him to be happy. His brief respite from troubles ended the moment Desmond told him Charlie was dead.

Great episode and I’m really looking forward to seeing what happens to those who stay on the island. Could we see genocide of some of the no name passengers from the “rescuers”? Cross your fingers that the writers give us some in-depth bad guys!

My Super Bowl XLII Pick

After the big game on Sunday, the New England Patriots are going to be known as the first 19-0 team in NFL history or the team that laid the biggest egg in this history of professional football.

Either way the New York Giants are going to be overshadowed by what is probably the best NFL team to ever play the game. Even if they manage to beat the Patriots (which they won’t), everyone will be talking the next day about what the Patriots did wrong and not what the Giants did right.

A lot of people are sure the Patriots are going to blow out the Giants. Last time I checked, the Patriots were 12 point favorites in Vegas.

I don’t buy it.

The Giants are on the upswing coming off three road playoff victories including a great victory on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field. They have momentum and nothing to lose by throwing everything at the Patriots – something I fully expect them to do. They’ll make it interesting but it won’t be enough.

The Patriots looked awful against the Chargers and if it wasn’t for their defense, the Chargers would be the AFC Champions. But that’s what makes the Patriots such a good team. If one part of their team breaks down, the rest of the team more than makes up for it. Tom Brady can have an awful day (3 INTs against the Chargers) but their defense will rise to the occasion and stop the other team. Someone is injured and they have someone just as good to take their place. There’s just no way to win against a team like that.

I expect the Giants to put up a good fight – even a better fight than they did in the last game of the regular season against the Patriots – and make the game exciting from start to finish. However, they’ll lose it the waning moments to a Patriots touchdown or field goal.

Patriots 24 Giants 21