Another Exciting Episode of LOST

LOST was absolutely thrilling last night. ***Spoiler Warning***

It was finally nice to have a character on the show, Sayid, ask direct questions to one of the Others on the island. Though Mikhail (eye patch guy) lied about who he was, I’m willing to bet a lot of the info he gave Sayid about submarine and the history of the Others was accurate. I also thought Sayid’s flashback was fitting for the episode because it gave a concrete reason why he decided not to kill Mikhail (eye patch guy) and let him live awhile longer.

Sayid has become the most important character on the show because it will probably be through him that a lot of the questions about the Others will be answered. He’s seems to be the only one willing to ask direct questions to other people but well versed in getting people to tell him things.

Though some think otherwise, I’m not convinced that Locke knew the farmhouse was going to explode after he entered the buttons in the computer. He didn’t go to the passageways below and see the explosives and Sayid and Kate failed to mention them to him. He was acting too casual as he and Kate left the building. I think he thought pushing the buttons would send out a distress signal or something. The explosion seemed to surprise him as much as everyone else.

Did anyone see if Kate put the Dharma Initiative Operations manual and Food Drop Protocol book in her backpack?

Though I can’t take credit for this, those numbers (4-8-15-16-23-42) came up again in the episode. Locke had to push the numbers 3 and 8 for mainland communication. 15 + 23 = 38. Locke had to push 7-7 if the station had been invaded by the hostiles. 4 + 8 + 23 + 42 = 77 also 4 + 15 + 16 + 42 = 77. (I know. I’m sounding a lot like the Jim Carrey’s character in the movie The Number 23)

Finally, if anyone wants a translation of the Russian Ms. Klugh and Mikhail spoke to each other before she was shot, you can find it here (scroll down to the bottom of the page). No really enlightening other than it begs the question why she felt the need to die after being captured.

Weber State is Going Dancing

Congratulations to the Weber State basketball team who punched their ticket to the big dance last night by winning the Big Sky Conference basketball championship last night. Though it probably won’t happen, I'm crossing my fingers that the selection committee gives you a 14 or 15 seed instead of a likely 16 seed. Go Cats!

Global Warming: Bad for Bulgarian Brothels

From the Metro:

Brothel owners in Bulgaria are blaming global warming for staff shortages.

They claim their best girls are working in ski resorts because a lack of snow has forced tourists to seek other pleasures.

Petra Nestorova, who runs an escort agency in Sofia, said: 'We have hired students, but they are temps and nothing like our elite girls.'

My first reaction to this story was to laugh. Then I read the story again. It makes no sense. How could their best girls be working at ski resorts if there’s no snow? I tried to find a longer story on the subject but to no avail. Maybe she means her best girls are working the ski resorts because with no snow there’s nothing but bored skiers.  Something was obviously lost in translation.

How to Talk to a Widower

Note: Though I wrote this, the real author of this piece is Marathon Girl. Most of the insight in this essay comes from her. When you're in a relationship with a widower, some widower-related issues are bound to arise. For example, the widower might seem like he's having a hard time moving on. Maybe he spends an inordinate amount of time thinking or talking about the late wife. Perhaps you've become quite serious yet his home still looks like a shrine to the deceased. Knowing how to approach and talk to him about certain subjects can be difficult. Below are some suggestions to be able to effectively talk with the widower about problems that may be hindering your relationship.

Pick the Right Time

Finding the right time to talk to the widower is critical. Don't do it when he's upset or otherwise in a bad mood. Wait until he's in a good frame of mind. This will help him be more receptive to what you have to say.

Marathon Girl is very good at knowing when to talk to me about anything that needs to be addressed in our relationship. If I've had a stressful day at work, she knows its best not to talk about it until I've had a chance to unwind. She knows I'll listen better and be more receptive to dealing with the problem if I've had an hour or two to play with the kids or write. She also knows that if I'm in an extremely good mood (say the Detroit Tigers just won the World Series) that it's probably best not bring up a serious subject until I've had time to celebrate.

The key here is patience. Most issues don't have to be addressed immediately. Just wait for the right moment to bring it up. If he's in an agreeable mood, the widower will be more likely to listen to what you have to say -- an important first step to resolving the problem.

When Talking About the Late Wife, Don't Act Jealous

Sometimes widowers say and/or do things that make you jealous. Maybe he tells a story about a trip they took or a fond memory of her. Maybe he keeps a lot of photos in the house of her despite professing his love to you. Whatever he's doing, it's driving you crazy because you feel like you're competing with a ghost.

When you talk with him about this it's very important that you do not come across as jealous even if that's the only emotion you have at the time. You can't expect the widower to stop loving his first wife. (You should, however,expect him to treat you like the number one woman but that's another essay.)

You need to tactfully let him know that you want a strong, loving relationship with him but it's hard to when he keeps talking about or doing things that show his love for the late wife. Let him know that you're not resentful of the love he has for her but that you need to know he feels the same way about you. Nine times out of ten the widower is unaware how his actions are affecting you. Not coming across as jealous will make it more likely that he'll listen and change his behavior.

Know What Problems You Need to Solve on Your Own

There are going to be some widower-related issues you need to deal with on your own. This doesn't mean you can't tell the widower about them but if you do, you need to let him know that he can't help solve them.

After Marathon Girl and I became serious enough that we were discussing the possibility of marriage, she let me know it was sometimes hard for her to think about marrying me because a lot of the things that would be firsts for her (marriage, honeymoon, buying a house, having kids, etc.) were going to be seconds for me. Even though she told me about her feelings, she also let me know that this was something I couldn't solve for her. She told me it was an issue she had to work through on her own and would let me know from time to time how she was dealing with it.

I really appreciated her doing this. Not only did it let me know what was going through her mind but it set an example for me. If Marathon Girl was willing to put the time and effort into working on problems, I should be willing to work on mine as well.

Solve One Issue at a Time

If there are multiple issues you need to discuss with the widower, pick the most important one and work on that first before bringing up the others. No matter how much a guy loves you, he hates being dumped on. Men are much better at being receptive to what you say when we only have to deal with one problem at a time. When you start going off on multiple issues, we start blocking out a lot of what you're saying or start thinking of you as a nag.

Back when we were dating, there were times when Marathon Girl had several issues she wanted to discuss but wisely picked one at a time. When she felt the time was right brought up another one and we worked on that. She knew that telling me all the issues at once would make me defensive and make it less likely that they could be resolved.

Effectively communicating and working on the unique issues that arise with a widower can make or break the relationship. Knowing a little widower friendly psychology can be a good first step in having not only having open lines of communication one but a successful, loving relationship.

***

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More widower-related articles by Abel Keogh

Up with Grief NEW!

Dating and Marriage: One Regret NEW!

Widowers: They're Still Men! NEW!

10 Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers

Photos of the Dead Wife

5 Signs a Widower is Serious About Your Relationship

How Vice President Joe Biden Dealt with Grief

Life with a Widower

Dating a Widower

The Grief Industry

Suicide Survivor

A Letter to Elizabeth

Sex and Intimacy with Widowers

The Widowerhood Excuse

How to Talk to a Widower

Red Flags to Watch for When Dating A Widower

A Train to Potevka

Americans love spy stories. From James Bond to Jason Bourne, we enjoy watching and reading about them escaping with their lives with a beautiful woman at their side. Real spy work, however, isn't quite as wild as the movies or works of fiction would portray. Even though real spy work isn't glamorous as many of us believe, that doesn't mean it's boring. A Train to Potevka is a story about a real spy during the cold war. The story takes place as the Soviet Union is beginning to crumble. The author, Mike Ramsdell, is on an undercover mission in Siberia to extract a Russian criminal. Posed as a German oil investor, his cover gets blown and he's forced to flee to a safe house in the small city of Potevka -- a slow, long train ride from his current location.

During his train ride and subsequent stay in Potevka we are treated to flashbacks of Ramsdell's life from growing up in Bear River, Utah to his training to become a spy. Ramsdell's flashbacks are somewhat reminiscent of flashbacks from the television series Lost. And like Lost they serve as a useful way to get to know Ramsdell better. Each memory is specifically linked to the inner change that Ramsdell is slowly experiencing.

Though there are some harrowing and exciting moments, the real story in this book is the author's inner transformation during his stay in Potevka and decisions he makes at the end of the book. The person we meet at the beginning of the book and the one at the end are two different people. This is rarely something we see in fictional spies such as James Bond who tends to have the same persona and character no matter what happens to him.

Intermingled with Ramsdell's memories and adventures is a surprise love story that not only has a happy ending but helps show just what a powerful transformation Ramsdell experienced during that train ride to and short stay in Potevka.

A Train to Potevka has no fancy gadgets, car chases, or explosions ala James Bond. But it does contain a page-turning, character-driven story that is powerful and memorable. It's a great, fast read and a must for those who want to see what the life of a spy is really entails.

LOST Is Back

LOST was sure a fun to watch last night. It was nice to have a somewhat light hearted moment before heading off into more serious territory next week. What made the episode great was watching the transformation of the Hurley character from someone who thought he was cursed to someone who now believes he makes his own luck. When he was driving around in his van I couldn’t help but smile and feel good that he had arrived at such a conclusion. Hurley’s flashbacks were a perfect to not only understanding his character better but realize just what a big change this was for him. (Side note: When Hurley was standing outside of Mr. Clucks I told Marathon Girl that it was going to be destroyed by a meteorite. Hurley alluded to that in the first or second season. More proof, Jon, that the writers plan things out in way in advance.)

Hurley transformation stood in stark contrast to Sawyer who despite winning Kate’s heart on the other island, turned back to his selfish, egotistical self and was unable butter up an apology. Despite being given opportunities to be better, some people never change. Hopefully Sawyer will come around.

I’m curious as to whether or not we’ll see a Rousseau flashback next week. There’s probably a season worth of flashbacks they could do from her years on the island and a great story to tell about her and how he ended up losing her child to the Others. From the previews I’m betting we get a Locke flashback. Looks like he has a decision to make on whether or not to push another button.

Four Years and Counting

Dear Marathon Girl: Thanks for four wonderful years together. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m looking forward to many more years with you by my side.

Love,

Abel

Q & A with Abel

 

Q: From that photo it looks like you hurt your arm. How did that happen?

A: The President of the United States called upon me to save the country from a terrorist attack. Although I neutralized the problem, some injuries were sustained in the process.

Q: How did you really hurt your arm?

A: Like an idiot, I did a fairly heavy weight routine during the day, forgetting that I had volunteered to help a neighbor move that evening. By the time the day was over, I had overextended my arm.

Q: So is your arm broken?

A: No. The doctor thinks it’s some sort of sprain. He said if I don’t have full use of it in three or four days, I need to see a specialist.

Q: Full use of your arm….?

A: I can’t straighten my arm out. And it hurts like you wouldn’t believe when I try to do that.

Q: How has your hurt arm affected your life?

A: Well, Marathon Girl gives me a lot of “get well” kisses. That’s never a bad thing.

Q: So it’s all positive then?

A: No. This morning Marathon Girl had to help me put my shirt on. That was embarrassing.

Q: Are you able to work?

A: Miraculously the injury hasn’t affected my ability to type. That's a good thing since writing makes up 90 percent of my work day.

Q:  Has your arm affected your ability to watch LOST?

A: No, but after Wednesday’s episode, I wish it would have. That one sure was a snoozer. Who cares about Jack’s tattoos! And will someone just ask the Others a direct question like: Who the hell are you and what exactly are you doing on this island?

Q: Can you still run?

A: Yes. But I have to slow down as I can’t swing my arm as much as I’d like. I’m not complaining. I’m just happy to be able to work out.

Q: You sound like Superman! Is there anything you can’t do?

A: Lift anything over five pounds.

Q: Wait. I just noticed it’s your left arm that’s hurt. Aren’t you left handed?

A: Yes, I am. It’s been an interesting few days using my right hand for most everyday tasks. It wasn’t until I hurt my arm that I realized how the world is made for right handed people. It’s been an eye opening experience to say the least.

Q: Any plans on becoming a right hander after you stop wearing the sling.

A: I don’t think so. I was born left handed and I’ll die left handed.

Q: So will we hear more about your arm in the future?

A: Not unless it needs to be amputated.

Movie Review: Breach

February is one of the worst months to find a movie in theaters worth watching. This time of year they’re usually full of boring Oscar contenders and other movies the studios don’t have much faith in. Fortunately for movie goers someone decided to release a thrilling spy movie that will probably go down as one of the best movies of 2007. Breach is based on the true story of FBI agent Robert Hansen (Chris Cooper) who spied for the Russians and was considered responsible for the worst security breaches in U.S. History. Eric O’Neil (Ryan Phillippe) is new to the bureau and is hoping to make Agent. He’s assigned to be an assistant to Hansen and reports to a senior agent about every movement Hansen makes.

Even though we learn in the first minute of the film what Hansen did and that he eventually gets caught, Breach is still a thrilling movie. The excitement doesn’t come from car chases or explosions but from the intense physiological drama that is played out between Hansen and O’Neil. Despite his best attempts to earn Hansen’s trust, O’Neil can’t figure his boss out and must continually remember what lies he’s told to Hansen.

Hansen, who loves to be in control, thinks the FBI or some government agency is on to him but can’t be sure. He does his best to keep his assistant off balance by doing things like showing up at O’Neil’s house unexpectedly for dinner and trying to convert O’Neil’s Protestant wife to Catholicism. The tension mounts because we never know just how much Hansen trusts O’Neil or how aware he is of the ongoing investigation.

Phillippe does a wonderful job of portraying someone who is in way over his head. You can’t help but feel for him as the burden of staying one step a head of Hansen spills over into his marriage and strains his relationship with his wife (Caroline Dhavernas).

But it’s Cooper’s acting that is top-notch. He does an excellent job of making his character believable and someone we actually care about. Even though we’re glad Hansen is caught at the end of the film the audience can’t help but feel sorry for him when the consequences of his actions finally catch up with him.

Some views may be frustrated at the ending of the film as it offers no clear-cut explanation for Hansen’s actions. However, the real life Hansen has yet to give any reason for spying and this forces director Billy Ray to hint at many plausible, character-based motivations as to why Hansen started working for the bad guys.

Breach is a movie that goes by quickly. It’s a must see for those who enjoy strong character-based movies and those looking for some needed pre-summer blockbuster entertainment.

Abel’s Rating: A

Lessons from Anna Nicole and Britney

Americans have long been fascinated with successful individuals. Before movies and Hollywood came into existence, Americans gladly devoured gossip about the lives of celebrities, the rich, and the famous. It shouldn’t come as a surprise then that the recent death of Anna Nicole Smith and bizarre behavior of Britney Spears have made the headlines of The Drudge Report and have been the subject of countless stories from more “serious” news organizations like CNN, ABC News, and Fox News.

Though at the amount of news time dedicated to Spears and Smith has many rolling their eyes, I don’t think the coverage of them is necessarily a bad thing.

News stories of Spears and Smith are popular is because they contain life lessons that are easy to understand. The lives of these two women illustrate the importance of making good decisions and that money and success does not insulate one from misfortune or the consequences of one’s actions.

Smith’s rags-to-riches tale reads like Shakespearean tragedy. Smith dropped out of high school and married at 17. Her climb to the top began after she posed for Playboy. She used that exposure to launch a successful modeling career and a brief stint as a widely-panned actress. Smith regained the limelight when she married billionaire J. Howard Marshall though she denied it was for his money. After the billionaire’s death and a bitter and lengthy court fight – one that has yet to be resolved – ensued over his inheritance.

In November 2006 Smith gave birth to a daughter only to have her 20-year-old son from her first marriage die in her hospital room three days later from an apparent drug overdose. Then, unexpectedly, Smith passed away three months later at a casino hotel room at the age of 39. The cause of death is still undetermined.

Smith’s story illustrates that beauty, money, and fame are no guarantee of happiness and good fortune.  Despite worldly success she never could keep her passions in check and now a string of men, eager to share in Smith’s wealth, claim to be her daughter’s father. Smith’s untimely death reminds us of our own morality and the importance of living our life to its fullest potential. For the men who admired her buxom body, the lesson is that there’s more to consider in a woman than how she’s packaged.

Unlike Smith, Spears rose to fame and fortune after years of hard work in the entertainment industry. Her effort finally paid off when her hit single “…Baby One More Time” became an international success. Spears released more albums and sales and a Grammy awards followed and she became one of the most successful female artists in American music history. She used her fame to nab several lucrative endorsement deals, a movie, and a reality television show.

Despite her success, Spears seems unable to make wise choices. Her poor decisions have lead to the bottoming out of her career and people questioning her maturity. Despite being the mother of two young children, she maintained a late night partying and alcohol fueled lifestyle and has been in and out of rehab (she’s back in at press time). Most recently she was seen getting tattoos and shaving all the hair from her head.

Overnight her poor decisions have propelled her from a pop music sensation to the butt of jokes on late night TV. Her recent actions may have doomed her music career and quite possibly custody of her two young children.

Parents often complain when their daughters look to people like Spears as role models. But there aren’t many young girls who want to be like her now. Her recent tattooing and head shaving incident have left many aghast and few wanting to imitate the pop princess. When her face is splashed across computer and television screens across the world, it’s a great moment for parents to use Spears recent actions and fall from grace as a teaching tool.

Though the media is sometimes excessive in its coverage of Smith and Spears (the story about the fight of Smith’s body, for example, is getting moldy) that doesn’t mean there are lessons to be learned from pop culture icons. If anything it’s that we’re not immune from the consequences of our actions.

That lesson is one more “serious” news stories fail to portray.

*** 

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This essay was originally published on FreeCapitalist.com. You can read all of Abel's FreeCapitalist essays here.