Paying for College

Call me heartless, but I’m not paying for my children’s college education. I’m not going to write a check when their tuition bill arrives or put money aside in an educational savings account for them. If my kids want to attend an institution of higher learning, they’re going to have to pay for it themselves. Yet parents are told that if we don’t start saving now, our kids will never be able to afford school and be shut out for the American Dream.

Baloney.

Sure, college is expensive. This year students attending a public university will shell out an average of $5,836 dollars a year for tuition and fees if they attend a public university. You can more than double that figure if you include room and board charges. Private university students can pay over $22,000 in tuition and fees.But what’s wrong with the idea of encouraging our children to pay for it through working, scholarships, loans, or a combination of the three?

People tend to value things more when they have an ownership interest in it. Whether it’s a house, a car, or a college degree, once someone becomes responsible for paying for it, it often means more to them. This was my experience with college.

The first college I attended was a small community college in Wyoming. Because my dad was a professor there, my tuition and fees were waived. I enjoyed my two years there but certainly didn’t study as hard as I should have. I did just enough to get by and left after two years with a B+ average. I could have done much better.

Then I transferred to a large out-of-state university. Because of my mediocre grades and accomplishments at my first school, scholarship money was not forthcoming. After realizing that the paying school was going to fall on me, I had to make a choice: either pay for it myself or drop out.

I decided to continue school. That first tuition check I wrote nearly wiped out my savings account. But one thing did change: my grades and overall school performance improved dramatically. My first quarter back, I earned straight A’s. I studied harder, settled on a major, and made sure I was taking classes that would help me obtain a degree quickly. All of the hard work eventually paid off. Some of my writings won awards and was published. I was invited to participate in conferences. If mom and dad had been paying the bill, I doubt I would have motivated to accomplish as much as I did.

Let me make one thing clear: I don’t have anything against a college education. I found my college experience to be worthwhile and it helped develop my unique skills and abilities. But I also want my children to develop their talents so they can be successful and love what they do with their life.

If my kids think college is a good way to develop their unique abilities, then I will certainly encourage them to attend. But not everyone has the capability or aptitude to do well in a college environment and a college degree ticket isn’t a magic ticket to a successful and happy life. I want those to go to college to have earned not only a degree but the knowledge that comes with learning how to afford something one really wants.

Even though I won’t be footing my children’s tuition, I’m not a complete Grinch. If my kids come asking me for money to pay for school, I’d be more than happy to give them a loan.

***

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This essay was originally published on FreeCapitalist.com. You can read all of Abel's FreeCapitalist essays here.

Decisions, Decisions

Our lives are all about choices. They’re measured in the way we choose to treat our spouses, children, siblings, parents, friends, co-workers, and casual acquaintances. They’re weighed by whether we choose to act with honesty and integrity in our professional and personal dealings. They can be summed up with what we choose to do with our unique talents and abilities. They’re about leaving our mark on this world in such a way that others will be glad we were part of it.

No one is perfect. We all make good decisions and bad ones. The best among us have their share of faults and shortcomings.  The worst have at least one redeeming quality. In the end, our lives are about what kind of people we decided to be.

I was thinking about this yesterday while at the funeral of my former father-in-law. Despite the fact that we parted on less than amicable terms, I still have good memories of him. He was more than willing to help people when in need. The two of us once spent a hot Saturday afternoon at his home replacing the alternator on my car when it went out. If anything ever broke at our home, he always volunteered to fix it. He also never wavered in his loyalty to his wife. He was faithful to her and willing to take care of her despite her schizophrenia.

Yet he made decisions later in his life that eventually alienated his closest friends and family. Life became about excuses instead of action, taking instead of giving. Friends and family became a means to his selfish purposes. If they couldn’t help him get what he wanted, they were worthless to him. Eventually even those who were closest to him wanted nothing to do with him. In the end, he died alone in a cheap motel room from a drug-fueled ecstasy.

Even though we may not see it at the time, the decisions we make have a profound impact on those around us. At some point we will be held accountable for the choices we make and the person we chose to become.

Hopefully our good choices will outweigh the bad ones.

Former Father-in-Law

My late wife’s father died last week of an apparent drug overdose. He was 52 years old.

No one was shocked that he died that way. Most family and friends were surprised that he lived as long as he did considering how hedonistic his lifestyle was.

The last time I spoke to him was at my daughter’s funeral five years ago. I think we exchanged general pleasantries but both seemed relieved that we would no longer be part of each others life.

It’s sad, really, that our relationship reached that point. But my former father-in-law had a way of making friends, family members, and even casual acquaintances want nothing to do with him. Even his son, his only surviving child, hadn’t spoken to him in over a year.

So I have a funeral to attend Thursday.

The only part of the service I’m looking forward to is seeing my late wife’s brother again. Aside from a telephone conversation about his father this weekend, we’ve been out of touch for a long time. It will be nice to talk with him again and see how he is doing.

Book FAQ

Q: Who is the audience of Room for Two? A: Room for Two is written for a general audience. You don’t have to be a widow, widower or even have lost a loved one to enjoy it. If you’re a fan of narrative non-fiction, like reading about true life experiences, or just enjoy a good love story, Room for Two is for you.

Q: When exactly is your book coming out?

A: This fall. I haven’t been informed of a specific release date, yet. As soon as I know of one, I’ll post that information on my website.

Q: I’ve read your old blog and love it. Is Room for Two just more detailed entries from your blog?

A: No. About 90 percent of Room for Two are stories and experiences I’ve never publicly disclosed before. Reading my old blog will give you a general idea of some events and the overall story but you won’t learn about some of the experiences I deemed to personal to tell at that time. You’ll also learn a lot more about my late wife, Marathon Girl, and about my pre-engagement relationship with Marathon Girl and some of the issues we dealt with that’s only been briefly touched on both on this website and my old blog.

Q: If I buy a copy of your book and mail it to you, will you sign it?

A: I’m currently looking for an inexpensive, secure online store solution so those want to can purchase personalized copies of Room for Two. I have a couple of things that might work but I’m not 100 percent thrilled with what I’ve found so far. If anyone has any online store suggestions, please email me.

Q: Are you writing other books?

A: Yes. I have a work of fiction I hope to have completed before Room for Two comes out this fall. If you’re on my mailing list, you’ll probably get a sneak peak this summer of what I’m working on.

The Card Says It All

The front of a card that Marathon Girl recently gave me:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sums up my life perfectly.

LOST: The Man from Tallahassee

*** Spoiler Alert *** Did I not predict last week that Locke was going to blow up the submarine with that C-4? Yes, I did. You can read it here.

I’m glad Locke is playing the role of the central character. Everything that happens seems to be a reaction to decisions he makes. His character is the most complex and interesting of all the characters still alive. It sad that he keeps running back to his father every time he shows up in that life but the most recent flashback does help explain why he’s trying to sabotage anyone’s chance of leaving the island. For fans of Locke’s character The L.A. Times has a wonderfully detailed article about Locke and the actor who plays him, Terry O’Quinn. (Free registration is required to read the article.)

Anyone have thoughts on how Locke’s dad ended up on the island? I didn’t see that one coming.

The more face time Ben gets, the more his character intrigues me. His ability to manipulate people to do what he wants is fascinating. No wonder he’s in charge of the Others; he has some natural leadership qualities. Is it too much to ask the writers for a flashback on him in a forthcoming episode? How about one that will help detail some of the island’s secrets?

Most interesting thing about Ben’s apartment was that his refrigerator was stocked with he same Dharma Initiative brand food. Apparently the Others are just dependant on Dharma food for their survival. Will the destroyed communication station mean no more food drops for everyone?

I don’t think this is much of a stretch given some recent story revelations but I bet Charlie is the one who ends up dead next week. Based on the previews for next week’s episode, I’m willing to bet Sun figures out that Charlie was involved in her kidnapping attempt last season and is somehow responsible for his demise.

Finally, the guy pushing Ben in the wheelchair is Dr. Alpert, the same man who initially tried to convince Juliet to join Mittelos Bioscience in a previsous episode this season. (Tip: Lost Easter Eggs)

Wheelbarrow Ride

Certain yard improvement projects Marathon Girl and I are trying to accomplish this year have required the purchase of a wheelbarrow. It’s big, green and is great for hauling dirt from one side of the yard to the other. But after purchasing this particular wheelbarrow Saturday, we quickly learned that we didn’t buy an ordinary wheelbarrow. This wheelbarrow has special uses discernable only to young boys like Aidan and Steven.

Like wheelbarrow rides.

I’m sure the boys are wondering why Dad purchased something with a wheel if not for the sole purpose to give them rides. Things with wheels mean rides and nothing is more fun than a wheelbarrow ride around the block.

Who cares if it’s dusty and dirty? That just makes the ride through the subdivision more fun. What’s the point in riding in a clean wheelbarrow? The dirtier the wheelbarrow is the better because that means a big bubble bath after the ride.

So as I wheel them around the neighborhood after a couple of hours of yard work, the boys have big smiles on their faces. Other kids may have bikes or motorized scooters but none of them have a wheelbarrow to ride in.

After all, that’s what wheelbarrows are for.

Book Deal

I’m thrilled to announce that my book, Room for Two, has a publisher! Room for Two will be published by Cedar Fort and released this fall. For those who don’t know, the book chronicles the year of my life following my late wife’s death. Room for Two follows the lowest points in my life, my journey through the emotional healing process, and forming a relationship with Marathon Girl. Room for Two is a story of love and hope that shows it is not only possible to move on after the death of a loved one but also have a fulfilling and satisfying life.

Needless to say I’ve been on cloud nine since Cedar Fort expressed interest in publishing the book and have had a hard time keeping this good news a secret for the last three weeks. (Coincidently, the good news came on Marathon Girl and my fourth anniversary.) 

For the latest on my book and other happenings, I highly encourage readers to join my mailing list.

Stay tuned for more information.

Daylight Savings Time: Not So Bad

Note: This is my second entry today. I’m not a big fan of Daylight Savings Time and was pretty annoyed that Congress decided to move it forward an extra month. My body wishes Congress would just pick one time and stick with it.

That being said, the weather has been very warm here of late (due to global warming, I’m quite sure) so after dinner we took the kids to the park. It was nice to have that extra hour of daylight so the kids could play on the playground equipment until they were exhausted. I enjoyed sitting next to Marathon Girl and seeing the light add a beautiful gold tint to her hair. I liked seeing people out and about, enjoying the sunshine and the warmth, ready for spring to truly arrive.

Maybe this early daylight savings time isn’t so bad after all.

***

Side note: I have a BIG announcement coming next week. Stay tuned.

LOST: Par Avion

Thoughts on this week’s episode of LOST. *** Spoiler Alert ***

I wasn’t too surprised that Jack’s father also turned out to be Claire’s dad. Once the nurse said there was an American doctor in her room, I was pretty sure that’s who was going to be waiting there.

The bigger question that brings up, however, is how interconnected the lives of all the characters really are. (You can go to ABC’s website and find a great tool that shows who’s connected to who.) There have been several episodes that have hinted that the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 were brought there for a reason. I wouldn’t be surprised that when the show draws to a close we learn that many of them were brought to the island on purpose. Before Mikhail (eye patch guy) was shoved into the security fence by Locke (more on him in a minute), he showed that he knew quite a bit about Syaid, Kate, and Locke. Maybe that mysterious leader wanted some of them on the island for a reason.

I loved it Claire’s flashback. How many of us swear we aren’t going to turn out like our parents yet find ourselves as we get older doing some of the same stupid things they did. Clair ends up becoming pregnant and unwed – just like her mom. Only Clair seems to have learned a little bit from her mother’s experience and informs her comatose mother that she’s giving the baby up for adoption.

Claire also shows a very human element that most of us go through when someone we love dies or is otherwise hurt. Who hasn’t felt guilty for something the said to a loved one or a way they treated them. I appreciate the writers making all of the characters on the show seem real and showing the ramifications of the good and bad choices that they make.

As for Locke, he really seems to be flying off the handle. I think his actions are because he doesn’t want people to leave the island. I think he’s afraid that if he’s forced to leave or the island is discovered by outsiders, his paralysis will return. I’m really looking forward to learning how he ended up in that wheelchair next week. I’m also willing to bet he uses the C-4 to blow up the Others’ submarine we’ve heard so much about over the last two episodes. I really think he doesn’t want anyone to leave the island.