Note: You can see a video version of this post here.
A viewer writes, “Abel, what would you say about a widower whose wife went from completely healthy to dead in a month and a half, and then started seeing someone within two months? It feels incredibly disrespectful to my suddenly deceased mom.”
First, I want to acknowledge how painful that is. From your perspective, it can feel like your mom’s life and memory are being pushed aside way too quickly.
I think your dad likely has a big hole in his heart and is trying to fill it in the fastest way he knows how. For better or worse, that kind of behavior is more common in sudden-loss widowers than people realize. That doesn’t excuse it—but it does help explain it.
Now here’s the part you do have control over: how you respond to it.
You can’t control your dad’s timeline, his coping, or the choices he makes right now in his grief. But you can control your boundaries and how you protect your own relationship with your mom’s memory while still navigating your relationship with him.
That may mean having an honest conversation about how fast this feels. It may mean setting limits on what you’re willing to be around emotionally. But the goal isn’t to punish him—it’s to keep your own sense of respect and stability intact while he’s figuring out how to process a sudden loss.