Will being friends with a widower hurt or increase your chances of a romantic relationship down the road? I answer that very question in today's Widower Wednesday video.
Let Him Go
If he can't let HER go, you need to let HIM go. — Abel Keogh
I'm Moving On, My Family is Still Grieving. What do I do?
What do you do when you're ready to start a new chapter with someone else and your family is still grieving your late spouse? My latest Widower Wednesday has the answer.
Who's More Important: The Living or the Dead?
What do you do when your birthday and the late wife's date of death are the same? Should the widower visit the cemetery? Should you postpone your birthday celebration for another day? Are the dead more important than the living? My latest Widower Wednesday video has the answer.
My Widowed Mom is Moving on Too Soon and Other Questions
In today's Widower Wednesday video, I answer the following questions:
How do I tell my widowed mother that she's moving on too soon?
How long do widowers feel guilty about moving on?
When do we get to hear from Julianna?
Prolonged Grief, Mental Illness, and How Long Does Grief Last?
Psychiatry's most powerful body just added a new "disorder" it's diagnostic manual: prolonged grief. This diagnosis started a controversy among mental health professionals and those who have suffered loss. In this Widower Wednesday video I tackle whether prolonged grief should be a mental illness and answer the question: how long does it take someone to grieve? Here’s the New York Times article discussed in the video.
Widowers and the Late Wife's Family
What kind of relationship, if any, should widowers have with the late wife's family after he's in a serious relationship? What should he do if her family doesn't accept the new relationship? My latest Widower Wednesday video has the answers.
The Secret of Our Success
Yesterday I celebrated 19 years as husband and wife with my wonderful wife and love of my life, Julianna. Dating as a recent widower all those years ago was rough but we worked through those issues and tied the knot 15 months after my late wife’s death. During the last 19 years, we’ve had the same ups and downs that come with any marriage but widower issues haven’t played a major role. With the hope that this can help widows and widowers who are thinking about or looking to marry again, here are three (four) important things we’ve learned from our 19 years as husband and wife.
Make each other number one. It’s easy to miss the late husband/wife so much that we don’t make our new spouse the top priority. If you made your late spouse #1, then your living spouse shouldn’t have to feel like they’re competing with a ghost. 99.7% of your thoughts, heart, and actions should be focused on the living, not the dead.
Pay the price of a new life. Often we want someone who fits into our current life or even try to cram them into the old life we shared with our late spouse. When you marry someone, you agree to start a new life together. This requires both parties to make the sacrifices that come with starting a new life. In my case that meant selling my home, moving to a new city, and redefining relationships with friends and the late wife’s family. Though some of those decisions were hard, I have no regrets about doing any of them.
Before saying/doing/posting something related to your late husband/wife ask yourself this question: Will this saying/doing/posting this strengthen or hurt my current relationship? If there’s even a small worry that saying/doing/posting something will hurt your living spouse or cause contention in your marriage then don’t do it.
Oh, and for those wondering we celebrated our nineteenth anniversary by enjoying a four-day trip to Moab, Utah. Here’s to another happy 19 years!
How to Set Healthy Boundaries with Friends, Family, and Loved Ones
How do you set healthy boundaries with friends, family, and loved ones who constantly talk about the late wife or post about her on social media and, as a result, cause unnecessary stress in your new relationship? I read from an old journal entry on how I set boundaries with a family member soon after Julianna and I were married.
Should You Meet the Late Wife's Friends and Family?
At some point the widower you're dating will want to introduce you to the late wife's friends and family. Should you do it and, if you do, are their boundaries you should set in regards to meeting them? Relationship coach and widower expert Abel Keogh has the answer.