Yesterday I celebrated 19 years as husband and wife with my wonderful wife and love of my life, Julianna. Dating as a recent widower all those years ago was rough but we worked through those issues and tied the knot 15 months after my late wife’s death. During the last 19 years, we’ve had the same ups and downs that come with any marriage but widower issues haven’t played a major role. With the hope that this can help widows and widowers who are thinking about or looking to marry again, here are three (four) important things we’ve learned from our 19 years as husband and wife.
Make each other number one. It’s easy to miss the late husband/wife so much that we don’t make our new spouse the top priority. If you made your late spouse #1, then your living spouse shouldn’t have to feel like they’re competing with a ghost. 99.7% of your thoughts, heart, and actions should be focused on the living, not the dead.
Pay the price of a new life. Often we want someone who fits into our current life or even try to cram them into the old life we shared with our late spouse. When you marry someone, you agree to start a new life together. This requires both parties to make the sacrifices that come with starting a new life. In my case that meant selling my home, moving to a new city, and redefining relationships with friends and the late wife’s family. Though some of those decisions were hard, I have no regrets about doing any of them.
Before saying/doing/posting something related to your late husband/wife ask yourself this question: Will this saying/doing/posting this strengthen or hurt my current relationship? If there’s even a small worry that saying/doing/posting something will hurt your living spouse or cause contention in your marriage then don’t do it.
Oh, and for those wondering we celebrated our nineteenth anniversary by enjoying a four-day trip to Moab, Utah. Here’s to another happy 19 years!
