A Cross Country Run

Most readers of this blog know I love running. I’ve been doing it consistently for 11 years and it’s such a big part of my life that I go crazy if I go more than a day without putting in least doing a couple of miles. Despite my love of running, the one thing I don’t do very often is enter 5k or 10k races (or races of any distance for that matter). I’m just not that into getting up and driving across the valley just to do something I can do by opening my door and going outside. I know a lot of runners, including Marathon Girl, enjoy the challenge of racing others and seeing if they can make a personal best.

Me? I’m not that driven. I’d rather hit the Start button on my watch and start running then hit stop when I’m done a three, five, or 10 miles later. I have personal best times I try to beat but if I beat them, great. If not, no big deal.

So yesterday I did something unusual: I ran in a local 3.2 mile (don’t know why it wasn’t and even 5k) race that was sponsored in part by my employer. When I arrived I surprised to learn that it was a cross-country race. This means instead of running on sidewalk or the road, you’re running around on grass—in this case running approximately three one-mile loops around the perimeter of a local park.

Running on grass isn’t like running on cement or asphalt. It’s like running on sand. There’s no bounce after each step and you usually end up running slower than normal. It also works the muscles in your legs a lot more. The course also included two hills. Again, not too big deal. Because I live practically next to a mountain, running hills during part of my run is something I do just about every day. In the end the grass and hills didn’t affect me too much. I finished in 24:12 (7:34 pace) – much faster than I anticipated under the circumstances and was very happy with my performance.

The only downside was that the cross country run made my body feel old. By the afternoon my feet and back were aching. Today my entire body felts stiff—something it rarely does even on days that I push myself. I know those kinds of aches and pains simply come with getting older. Still, I was hoping to put those off for at least another decade. J

So tomorrow I’ll go back to my old running ways: running outside on my familiar routes. Maybe my boys will ride with me. Maybe I’ll run alone. Either way, it’s going to be fun.

REMINDER: Media Appearnce: Living the Dream Mom

Just a reminder that I'm scheduled to appear on Living the Dream Mom internet radio show TODAY (July 28) at 10:00 a.m. EST (7:00 a.m. PST). The topic? Married to a Widower. Guests include a woman who married a widower with three children and since has had one of her own. Should be a fun and lively discussion. You can listen to the show by clicking here then clicking the Live On Air button in the top right-hand corner.

If you want to call in and ask questions, the number is 1-877-864-4869 or you can click on the Live Chat button on this page during the show to address your questions there!

Widower Wednesday: Wedding Receptions

Quick reminder: I’ll be appearing on an internet radio show tomorrow (Thursday) at 10:00 a.m. EDT to discuss marrying a widower. You can find a link to listen to the show and a call in number here.

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The other day I received an email from someone who’s about to marry a widower. Though she was excited to be starting a new life with this man she wasn’t looking forward to their wedding reception. She felt that most of the guests he invited were the late wife’s friends and her family members. Even though the reception is for them, she felt like it was going to look like “their” reception—only without the late wife. When she talked to the widower about it, he didn’t understand what the big deal was since he was inviting people who were still close to him. His response left the woman feeling hurt, in tears, and unsure if she could get through this special day.

Wedding receptions are occasions for the bride and groom to celebrate their marriage and receive friend and family for the first time as a married couple. The soon-to-be husband was married before and so it seems natural to me that he’d want to invite friends of him and the LW as well as her family. Back when Marathon Girl and I tied the knot, I invited many friends that the late wife and I hung out with as well her brother, grandmother, and other family members. I would have been upset if Marathon Girl objected to inviting those who I cared about simply because they were friends with or related to the late wife.

So unless your future husband is inviting people who are going to cause a scene or are extremely upset that he’s remarrying, I don’t see a problem with having the LWs friend and family in attendance. If anything, attending the reception might be a good way for them to realize that he’s starting a new chapter in his life and help them start a new chapter in theirs.

Instead of worrying about who’s coming to the reception and look forward to a new life with your new husband. As long as he has your back and is treating you like number one now, then, and for the rest of your life together, what does it matter who comes to the reception? Though lots of people came, I can only clearly recall a handful of people who attended mine. What I do remember about that day is that Marathon Girl looked gorgeous and I was so damn excited to start a new life together with her by my side. (I still wake up thinking I’m the luckiest guy in the world.)

Instead worrying about who’s coming, relax and make the most of a day that’s meant to publicly celebrate your new life and future together. As long as you feel like the center of his universe, you’ve got nothing to worry about.

Media Apperance: Living the Dream Mom Radio

I'm scheduled to appear on Living the Dream Mom internet radio show this Thursday (July 28) at 10:00 a.m. EST (7:00 a.m. PST). The topic? Married to a Widower. Guests include a woman who married a widower with three children and since has had one of her own. You can listen to the show by clicking here then clicking the Live On Air button in the top right-hand corner.

If you want to call in and ask questions, the number is 1-877-864-4869 or you can click on the Live Chat located at the top of this page during the show to address your questions there.

Keeping Me Honest III

A quick update on my 2011 creative writing goals:

  • The Dating a Widower book is 99% done. Basically all that needs to be done is some marketing copy and final cover layout (which is dependent on my writing the marketing copy). Hope to have everything to the designer this week as Marathon Girl is scheduled to be induced next week unless she goes into labor before that.
  • Since I turned down a publishing contract and went the Indie route with Dating a Widower, I haven’t had as much time to work on “White Whale.” However, I should be able to go full bore on that once the baby comes.
  • The sequel to The Third still needs some tweaks but is essentially done. Hopefully there will be some good news regarding its release date soon.

Also, I’ve had several people who read Room for Two this summer and wanted to know if I’ve ever considered writing a book about life after I married Marathon Girl. I’ve tossed the idea around and though I don’t know if I have a consistent enough storyline for a memoir, I do have enough content to write a dozen or so long essays about second marriages, moving on, and starting a new life that could be complied into a book. Anyway, I’d like to toss the idea out there to see if book like that something you’d be interested in reading. I probably won’t get around to completing it until next year but if there’s enough interest in it, it’s something I can start on relatively soon.

Leave a comment below or email me your thoughts if that's something you'd like to read.

Widower Wednesday: Opening Your Heart

Last week I wrote about the aggravating push/pull characteristics that women experience in some widower relationships. This week I’m going to suggest three things that can help widowers make room in their heart for the new woman. Keep in mind the ideas below are simply suggestions. What worked for me may not work for you. However, if you’re serious about dating again and entering into a committed relationship, then you owe it to yourself and the woman you’re dating to open your heart to her instead of pushing her away and pulling her back every other day.

  • Pick a time to grieve – Widowers who start dating within two years of their wife’s death are usually still grieving. So it helps if you can find a specific time to vent, cry, or do whatever is necessary to get feelings of sadness or anger out of your system. After Krista died, I went running every morning. It was the only time of day I allowed myself to focus on her, her suicide, and what I was going to do with my life. Some mornings I swore under my breath for the entire run. Others I came home with tears frozen to my cheeks. Sometimes those runs were downright miserable. However, the benefit of this was I was able to function more or less normally the rest of the day. I could focus on work, other activities, and any relationships I was involved in at the time. Find a place and time of day where you can be alone, then do whatever you need to feel better. It makes it a lot easier to enjoy the rest of the day and open your heart to someone else when you’re not down in the dumps all day.
  • Embrace Change and Take Advantage of New Opportunities – Life isn’t static. Every day we learn to adapt to change and take on new opportunities. When a spouse dies, it alters the course of our life forever. But it also opens new doors that will take us on new adventures. In every way my life is better than it was 10 years ago. Why? Because I took advantage of the opportunities that arose. When I fell in love again, I got married. When I had a chance to have a family, buy a new home, move far away, start a new job, write a couple of books, I did all of those too. Life didn’t come to a screeching halt 10 years ago. It just changed. And I took advantage of those changes and now I’m a million times happier. Look at your life now that it’s different. Where would you like your life to be in 10 years? What new opportunities and adventures are awaiting you? Are you taking advantage of them or wishing that life could go back to the way it was?
  • Losing a Spouse is Nothing New – Grief is all in your head. Even though we think the world’s going to end—it’s not. Losing people we love, including spouses, is part of life. Yes, death of a spouse can be an incredibly difficult and painful experience and I’m not trying to minimize that. However, millions of people lose a spouse every year. Billions of people have experienced the same thing since they were put on the Earth. You’re not going through something people haven’t gone through before. Most people learn how to deal come out better for it. Some of them even remarry and have successful relationships. Quit being selfish and thinking no one understands what you’re going through. Open your eyes and realize how lucky you are to be alive and have the chance to open your heart to someone else. There are people that go their entire lives without finding that special someone. Think how blessed you really are if you can find two wonderful people.

So, widowers, there’s three things to think about. I’d also love to see widowers share with others in section that has helped you open your heart to someone else. For the women reading this, what are things you’ve seen your widower do that have helped him open his heart. I’ll post some of the better comments up here for everyone to read.