Funny Subtitles

After reading my last post asking for subtitle feedback, one reader emailed over some of her own true-to-life subtitle suggestions and gave me permission to share them on my blog. There's a part of me that wishes I could use them on my real book. My personal favorite it the fourth one.

  • How to make sure the dead wife is truly buried before you get married
  • Is there a ghost in your relationship? How to know the exorcism failed
  • What to do when you think there is another bitch in your bed, and you don't own a dog
  • She's gone, you're here. If that isn't enough for him, move on my dear
  • How to be in a relationship with a man whoes mind that is more numb than the usual man
  • How to be number 1 when you are number 2
  • Dead people are perfect, you aren't. How to be perfectly imperfect
  • How to date a man who visits the late wife's resting place more than he visits yours

Have a your own true-to-life subtitle you'd like to share? Add them to the comments below.

Widower Wednesday: Subtitle Help

Just a reminder that I’ve upgraded the comment section of the blog so you can reply directly to a comment instead of leaving a comment several spaces down. Hopefully this will help everyone follow the different conversation threads that can occur on a post. (And thanks to all those who helped me beta test the comment section. So far everything seems to be working.) If you have a problem with the new comments functionality, please send me an email so I can investigate the problem.

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This week, I’m asking for one last bit of help with the forthcoming Dating a Widower book. (Regular Widower Wendesday topics to resume next week!) One thing my editor and I have been struggling with is the subtitle to the Dating a Widower book. We’ve thrown some ideas back and forth but really haven’t found anything that sticks. So what I’d like this week is some feedback from you on the seven subtitles below. Is there one that jumps out at you? Are there changes or tweaks you’d make to one of them? Do you have one that would work better than those listed below? If someone suggests a tweak to an existing subtitle or comes up with a new one that I end up using, you’ll receive a free copy of Dating a Widower book when it’s released in next month.

Here are some of the subtitles ideas we’ve been tossing around:

  1. How to Have a Successful Relationship with a Man Who’s Starting Over
  2. A Woman’s Guide to Men, Grief, and Moving On
  3. A Guide to Knowing if He’s Ready to for a New Relationship
  4. Starting a Relationship with a Man Who’s Starting Over
  5. How to Know if He’s Ready to Move On
  6. Everything You Need to Know About Dating a Man Who’s Starting Over
  7. A Guide to Dating a Man Who’s Starting Over

Thanks for your help!

Update: For those who aren't familiar with the book, think of it as a 101 guide to dating a widower. It covers the basics of dating a widower (what to look out for, red flags, how he should treat you, etc.) as well as successful and not so successful stories from women who have dated widowers.

Comments Upgrade

Because some comments threads on this blog can get a little long, I’ve just added a Reply options to the comment section so you can reply directly to a comment instead of typing in an answer that might appear three or four (or more) comments down. Hopefully this will make the discussion a tad easier to follow. It also lets you subscribe to the comment thread via email as well as preview your comment before posting. It works for me but I want to make sure this work for everyone, so if you wouldn't mind, reply to a comment on this thread or subscribe via email. If something not working, send me a quick email.

The Paperback Game

Looking for a game to play at a party or when on vacation? A writer for the New York Times has what looks to be a hilarous way to pass the time while on vacation or at a party where there are lots of books lying around.

Here’s what you’ll need to play: slips of paper (index cards work well), a handful of pencils or pens and a pile of paperback books. Any sort of book will do, from a Dostoyevsky to a Jennifer Egan, and from diet guides to the Kama Sutra. But we’ve found it’s especially rewarding to use genre books: mysteries, romance novels, science fiction, pulp thrillers, westerns, the cheesier the better. If you don’t have well-thumbed mass-market paperbacks in your house, you can usually buy a pile from your library, or from a used-book store, for roughly 50 cents a pop.

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Once you’ve gathered your loved ones at the table — 4 to 10 is optimal — and opened fresh bottles of wine and perhaps put on an old Ry Cooder record, here is how the game unfolds. One player, the “picker” for this turn, selects a book from the pile and shows its cover around. Then he or she flips it over and reads aloud the often overwrought publisher-supplied copy on the back cover.

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The other players absorb these words, and then write on their slips of paper what they imagine to be a credible first sentence for Ms. Lindsey’s novel. Essentially, they need to come up with something good — or bad — enough to fool the other players into thinking that this might be the book’s actual first sentence. Players initial their slips of paper and place them upside down in a pile at the center of the table.

Meanwhile the picker — the person who read the back cover aloud — writes the book’s actual first sentence on another slip of paper. He or she collects all the slips, mixing the real first sentence with the fakes, and commences to read each one aloud. Each person votes on what he or she thinks is the real first sentence.

Here’s how score is kept: If someone votes for your bogus sentence, you get a point. If you pick the real first sentence, you get two points. (The picker doesn’t vote in this round.) Now go around the table clockwise. Someone else picks a book, and you repeat the process until a round ends – that is, until each person has had a turn at being the picker. Or you can play until the wine bottles are drained, and it’s time to go outside to gawk at the stars.

You can read the entire article here.

This would actually be a fun game to play at my parents home where there are tons of books lying about. I’m heading over there for the 4th but alas we already have tickets to a demolition derby. However, it’s something I’d like to try next time I’m at a party or hanging out with the family later this summer.

If any of you have played The Paperback Game (or something similar) I’m curious as to how much you enjoy it. According to the author you don’t have to be a book worm or a writer to excel at the game—just creative.

Book Review: Sleight of Hand by Deanne Blackhurst

Is it possible to con your way out of hell? That’s the question surrounding Deanne Blackhurst’s latest novel Sleight of Hand. Fifty-two year old Daniel Cabrero dies when a cons he’s running goes bad. After his death he finds himself in a purgatory-like place called the Wasteland. Aside from a guide named Jonah that comes and goes, Daniel is completely alone with only his memories of the past to keep him company. Eventually he realizes that his time in the Wasteland is only temporary and it’s up to him to ether redeem himself and move on to a place called Providence City or to a dark place from where there’s no return.

What I liked: The author did an excellent job of showing how one’s actions, for better or worse, affect other people. Many of the scenes where Daniel could see how his selfishness and scams hurt others people were very heart wrenching. The world of the Wasteland is also very creative and original. Though the Wasteland is very beautiful and many worldly pleasures can be conjured out of thing air but without anyone to share them with, the loneliness overshadows the world’s beauty. Daniel is also a solid character and the author does a good job of making Daniel’s eventual redeeming change feel natural and real—not an easy thing to do.

What could be improved: The relationship between Daniel and Jonah felt very stiff throughout the novel. While that worked at the beginning when they were getting to know each other, the relationship still felt rigid long after they had supposedly become friends. The book also could have used an edit. There were some glaring typos and transition issues that could have been fixed with the help of an editor.

Who would enjoy it: Though the book has a religious theme (concepts of right and wrong, heaven and hell) the author goes out of her way to create an afterlife something that someone from just about any faith could relate to. The book would probably be most enjoyed by those who are somewhat or very religious or have a belief in some kind of afterlife.

Rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Full disclosure: I received a free copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.

Widower Wednesday: No Going Back

For those whose stories were selected for the Dating a Widower book, I emailed off all the contributor agreements last night. If you’ve been notified that I’m going to use your story but haven’t received an agreement, check your spam folder. If you still can’t find it, email me and I’ll resend it.

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Recently I received an email from someone who had just finished Room for Two. She enjoyed the book but had a question that is often asked about the last chapter. For those who haven’t read the book, the last chapter takes place exactly one year after Krista’s death. At the end of the chapter Marathon Girl and I are at the cemetery standing near Krista and Hope’s headstone. As we leave I look back and realize that I’ll probably never come back to the cemetery and visit their grave. The reader wanted to know whether or not I’ve been back to Krista’s grave since then and, if I haven’t, if I plan on going back at some point in the future.

No, I haven’t gone back to Krista’s grave since that day in the book and have no plans to return anytime soon. There are many reasons for this, but the biggest one is that I don’t see what going back would accomplish other than suck me into the past. Remembering the dead isn’t a physical act—at least not for me. I have moments when I think of Krista and Hope but those moments are few and far between and last only a moment.  At some point I may go back—but that will probably happen when my kids are older and if the express some curiously about their half-sister or my life before I met their mother. I don’t see myself going back for any other reason.

I’m not recommending that other widowers don’t visit their late wife’s grave (or area where her ashes are scattered). Everyone has their own way of moving forward. For some widowers making occasional visits to the cemetery might be helpful. But I’m not wired that way. For me life isn’t about visiting the past but learning from it and using that knowledge to make the best out of the hand we’ve been dealt.

Nine years ago, I lost everything that mattered to me. Every morning I woke up alone, scared, and without a clue what I was going to do with my life. Fast forward to today: I have a new life now that includes a wonderful wife and 4.5 kids. Getting to where I’m at took a lot of effort, sacrifice, and patience. I had to learn how to rebuild a life from scratch and part of that process included learning how and when to remember the past.

I have no regrets about not going back. If I had gone back—even just once—I doubt my life where I’d be where I’m at today.

Life Imitates The Third VII

I see why Al Gore doesn't allow his speeches to be recorded?  At a speech Monday in NYC, the former VP was caught on tape talking about reducing population as a way to reduce pollution. (Update: The YouTube clip has since been removed by the environmental journalist, Brain Merchant, who posted it.) Said Gore:

One of the things we could do about it is to change the technologies, to put out less of this pollution, to stabilize the population, and one of the principle ways of doing that is to empower and educate girls and women,” Gore said. “You have to have ubiquitous availability of fertility management so women can choose how many children have, the spacing of the children.

“You have to lift child survival rates so that parents feel comfortable having small families and most important — you have to educate girls and empower women,” he said. “And that’s the most powerful leveraging factor, and when that happens, then the population begins to stabilize and societies begin to make better choices and more balanced choices.

From The Third, Chapter 19

Mona shook her head and looked over the plaza. “The only way your kids are going to have any future is if we get this world back to a livable condition. The only way we’re going to do that is with fewer people. People are the problem, not the solution. You know that. I give Teya my credit, and I’m not only jeopardizing your kids’ future, I’m risking the future of every other child in the world too.”
“What if this child’s special? What if he or she is destined to make this world a better place? What if this baby will grow up and invent something or be the kind of leader needed to clean up the planet once and for all?”
“The world tried that for thousands of years, Ransom. It didn’t work. At one point, we had over eight billion people on this planet. What did we have to show for it? Overcrowded cities. Poverty. Starvation. Greed. Wars over finite resources. One more person takes us one step back, not forward. Every living person moves us that much closer to the brink of destruction.”

Widower Wednesday: How She Died

Thanks to all those who gave feedback on the Dating a Widower book cover concepts. It was very helpful to read all of your reactions and suggestions. I’m going with the first concept but will be working with the designer to make several changes to it. Thanks to your feedback, I think the final cover is going to be really awesome. I’m also going to be reworking the subtitle of the book too. Look for some different subtitles to choose from soon.

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Sometimes I’ll get an email from someone dating a widower who thinks that the widower’s failure to commit or other odd relationship behavior is due to how his late wife died. For example, someone recently emailed me and wanted to know if the widower’s hot-cold behavior toward her could be attributed to the fact that his late wife took her own life.

Depending on how the late wife died may add a layer or two of complexity to the grief process, but her manner of death shouldn’t play a role in whether or not the widower can open his heart to you.  For example, my late wife killed herself. As a result there were some anger and forgiveness issues I had to work through that probably wouldn’t have been there if she had been hit by a bus. However, Krista’s suicide had zero relevance of wanting to start a new life with Marathon Girl. If anything, falling in love with Marathon Girl gave me an added incentive to forgive Krista and move on. The process of making room in my heart for her would have been the same regardless of how Krista died.

There are lots of ways to die but the process of opening one’s heart to someone else is the same for practically everyone. Don’t excuse a widower’s bad behavior because his wife died from cancer, took her own life, or was killed in battle. If he blames his lack of commitment or inability to make you #1 on his late wife matter of death—he’s just passing the buck.  A widower who is ready to open his heart to you will find a way to make it work no matter how the LW died.