Note: You can see a video version of this post here.
A viewer writes: "Abel, I'm a widow, and my boyfriend just dumped me because he was jealous that I will always love my late husband. What advice do you have for people dating a widow or widower so they won’t be so jealous?"
As a remarried widower and relationship coach, I've worked with a lot of people navigating this exact situation — and that jealousy rarely comes out of nowhere. The primary reason someone feels jealous of dating a widowed person is that the widow or widower keeps their late spouse front and center in a new relationship and expects their new partner to just accept it. Because of their actions, the new partner starts to feel like they're competing with a ghost or that there are three people in the relationship.
Now, are there some people who simply aren't cut out to date a widow or widower? Sure. But they're the exception, not the rule. In most cases, the jealousy is a direct response to the widow or widower's behavior.
So yes, it takes a special person to love someone who's lost a spouse, but it also takes a widowed person who's truly ready to open their heart and build a new life, not just fill a void. Before you ask your new partner to be more understanding, ask yourself: Am I actually showing up for this relationship — or am I still living in the last one?
That's the real question, and only you know the honest answer.