The Curse of the 9/11 Widows

Interesting article in the Daily Mail yesterday titled “The Cure of the 9/11 Widows” which details on how the lives of 9/11 widows lives has changed since their husbands’ deaths. Instead of focusing on the widows trying to rebuild their lives without their husbands, it focuses on how the payout received from the government changed their lives for the worse.

No one could have known that for many of them, the money would destroy their lives once again, attracting jealousy, resentful relatives and making them even more depressed. Some would become squandering, spendaholic widows, their payouts fuelling addictions which could not replace the husbands they had lost. Others would become embroiled in legal battles with their families, their lives eaten up by bitterness.

The sad part is that many of the widows seem to be using their widowhood as an excuse for their spending habits or bad decisions they’ve made. Losing a spouse under any circumstances is difficult but no excuse for poor behavior. (I have an article that addresses widowhood and responsibility that I’m currently writing. Should be posted in the next 72 hours.)

The true tragedy here is that Congress thought paying off the widows would somehow compensate for the loss of their spouse. Instead, like most lottery winners, money just made their lives even more miserable.

The MasterCard commercials are right. There are some things money can’t buy. Apparently happiness is one of them.

All of Me

For years I've been using this photograph on my website, instant message icons, and other web stuff.

Due to forces beyond my control I've been forced (well, not really) to post actual photographs of me and my radio co-host on The Abel Hour website. So if you want to see what I really look like, click here. (And you'll see why I'm on the radio, not television.) There might be one or two more photos of me as well if you browse the site long enough.

Here's a preview.....

 

 

 

Broken Arms

When I was in first grade, a kid named Carson broke his leg. Everyone in our class was jealous. Not only Carson have a wheelchair – which beat walking in the minds of his fellow classmates – but he also had a big white cast on his leg. It seemed like everyone in the school and all the teachers signed his cast. I remember signing my name during recess a day or two after he returned to school. At the time it seemed like a privilege to be able to sign it though I can’t remember why I felt that way. Maybe it was because it was the cool thing to do. In third grade a girl named Stacy broke her arm. One morning she showed up with a big white cast on her arm. Of course the entire class had to hear the story of how she broke her arm and then sign the cast. I had a crush on Stacy so I signed my name in big letters in a spot where she would always see it and, hopefully, think of me.  Stacy wasn’t amused that I signed my name so big. “You have to leave room for the other kids to sign,” I remember her telling me. I think my crush on Stacy ended soon after that comment.

I didn’t realize how much casts have changed until yesterday. Aidan broke his arm Saturday night (long story, I’ll write about it later). It was a very minor fracture near his elbow and there was some debate among the doctors whether or not his arm was actually broken. Upon seeing a specialist yesterday the verdict came back that, yes, his arm was indeed broken and he needed to wear a cast for three weeks.

While we were in the waiting room there were a half dozen other kids with casts on their arms. One girl had a pink cast. One of the boys had a lime green one. Another boy had a blue one. Designer casts. Cool. When it came turn for Aidan to pick his color the doctor had at least a dozen colors for him to choose from. Aidan picked orange – his favorite color.

It didn’t hit me until on the drive home from the hospital that not one of the kids in the waiting room with casts on their arm had any names written on their casts. The cast material they use nowadays is so different from white ones I remember as a kid and is difficult to write on. Of course they have color options now and they seem so much cooler than those white ones. It does make me wonder, however, if kids still try to sign their names on them anymore.

A Garden of Plenty

Our garden is doing much better this year than last year. Last night Aidan and I picked about two dozen tomatoes. There is another dozen waiting to be picked today. Our pumpkin plant has six good sized pumpkins on it. Our corn produced many fat, sweet ears and the squash plant has been given us a steady supply of delicious crockneck squash all summer. I love the abundance of food our garden has produced this year, though I’m not really sure what we did that made it so verdant and plentiful. It’s nice to work the garden though and feel the soil in your fingers and the warm sun on your neck. And I love seeing the fruit of a summer long labor be so copious and delicious.

Slumping Tigers

While the Tigers have roared to the best record in baseball this year, in the back of my mind, I keep thinking that their success is too good to last. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking that they would falter down the stretch and end up blowing what was a great season. As of this writing the Tigers have only won 6 of their last 19 games. Their division lead which was 10 games earlier this month is down to five. Their only saving grace is that the White Sox have been in a slump of their own and unable to gain much ground on the Tigers.

I still think the Tigers have a great chance to win their division and do well in the playoffs but they better get their act in order soon. The Twins and White Sox are nipping at their heels and could both easily knock the Tigers out of the playoffs unless they find a way to start winning again.

The Tigers start a three games series against the Yankees tomorrow. This series could go a long way in determining what the Tigers are doing this October.

New Site

If you can't tell, I've updated my website. There are still a few bugs I'm trying to work out. However, if you notice anything, feel free to email me and tell me of the problem.

Customer Service at a Doctor's Office?

Marathon Girl and I went to the doctor yesterday for a routine prenatal exam. Once we arrived the receptionist informed us that the doctor had been calling into an emergency surgery that morning and was running 90 minutes behind.

We groaned. The waiting room was crowded. We didn't want to sit around for 90 minutes but considering how hard it is for Marathon Girl to find a babysitter for the kids -- especially now that school has started -- we decided to wait. Waiting wasn't the bad part because when you have Marathon Girl to talk with time flies by. What was somewhat upsetting was that we both had errands we wanted to run afterwards and was looking forward to being able to do them while we had a babysitter to watch the kids.

But I'm glad we had to wait. We've both been to lots of doctors offices and appointments but this was the first doctor we've been to who's office staff actually seems concerned that they're running behind. (We just switched OBs with this new baby.) His staff skipped their lunches or ate quickly while at their desks in order to speed things up. By the time we made it back to see the doctor, we only experienced a 60 minute wait.

The exam went well. Both Marathon Girl and the baby are doing very good. And was we were scheduling our next appointment, one of his staff gave us a pair of movie passes because of the wait and apologized again for the delay in seeing us.

I couldn't believe it. Do other doctors know about this? They could learn something from this office. Even though there was a delay, Marathon Girl and I would consider going back to this doctor again because it seems like he and his staff actually care about their patients and the time they takes out of our day to see him. (And the doctor is first rate and really knows what he's doing.) It's nice to see some customer service in the health care profession. If all goes well during labor and delivery, Marathon Girl and I will be sticking with this doctor.

Love Thy Neighbor

"Good fences make good neighbors." -- Robert Frost, Mending Wall

All Daren Wood wanted to do was build a house. That was all it took to start a neighborhood feud that has lasted a year and is now receiving national media attention.

According to media reports, the story goes like this: last year Wood purchased a lot that had a small hill. To make room for the house, the hill was carved out within inches of the neighbors' property line. Neighbors became worried that the excavation could possibly ruin their foundation and asked the city to intervene. Wood was then required to test the soil -- something Wood claimed the previous owner had already done. Those tests delayed construction on Wood's home by four months and cost him $3,000.

The fighting didn't end there. After the frame of Wood's house was completed, neighbors were upset that their view of the mountains was blocked. They went to the city to see if Wood's house violated any zoning ordinances. In response, Wood erected some vents on the back of his house that he calls a cactus. Neighbors claim the image is of a hand giving them the bird (to see a picture of these vents, click here) and have gone back to the city to see if the vents violate any obscenity laws.

The whole incident reminds me of school kids fighting on the playground. Child A doesn't like what Child B is doing and runs off to tell the teacher. Child B continues such behavior and Child A goes in search of the teacher again. Child B calls Child A names and the incident escalates.

You'd think that adults would learn to act like, well, adults. But civilized behavior and problem solving is often too much for us busy grown-ups to engage in. If you don't like what the neighbor is doing with his property, call the government and complain. Upset at your neighbor's behavior? Send them an offensive message. It's all about being a victim.

How sad.

There are ways to solve problems that don't involve the city enforcing zoning laws or deciding what is or is not obscene. If Wood's neighbors were thinking like producers when Wood began his excavation, they might have offered to help pay for the soil tests or explore alternatives that might possibly shorten the construction delays. Such actions would be in the best interests of everyone involved by giving the neighbors a chance to show that they were just as concerned about Wood's home as they were about theirs.

At first I felt sorry for Wood. He bought a lot with plans to build a house and apparently has complied with the numerous zoning and building requirements. It's his property and he can do with it as he pleases. Yet any sympathy I had for Wood and the infringements on his private property rights went out the door with the construction of his vents. He may call the shape a cactus but its real message is obvious. Apparently in that Riverton neighborhood immature behavior can be found on both sides of the fence.

A few homes may have lost their view of the mountains but the entire neighborhood has lost much more: civility and peace. So long as Wood and his neighbors remain in their homes, the tension will always be there.

Though it's tempting to laugh at Wood and his neighbor's immature behavior, it's sad when one thinks about the examples which are being set for any children they might have. If mom and dad can't engage in rational behavior with neighbors, what behavior can we expect from their offspring?

Sometimes loving our neighbors means taking the high road. It's not making the rude gesture to the person who cut us off in traffic. It's holding your tongue when someone makes a snide comment about us or not clicking the reply button to an intentionally hurtful email. Sometimes it's about realizing there are more important things in life than a view of the mountains. Having good relationships with our neighbors creates more value than having our worst enemies in our own backyard.

Frost's poem "Mending Wall" gives us a good model to follow:

Before I built a wall I'd ask to know

What I was walling in or walling out,

And to whom I was like to give offence.

We all share a common humanity. It's too bad there are many who don't understand what this means.

**********

This essay was originally published on FreeCapitalist.com. You can read all of Abel's FreeCapitalist essays here.

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How to Have Fun With a Two Year OId

Our home owners association threw their annual BBQ/neighborhood party the other day. It's a fun event to attend because it gives you an excuse to talk to neighbors and they usually have some things for the kids to do. This year the HOA hired a party company to bring a lot of party equipment for the kids -- one of which was a 25 foot, inflatable slide.

Aidan couldn't take his eyes of the slide. He refused to eat and kept running over to it wanting to slide down with all the other kids. His behavior was a little surprising considering it usually takes some prompting to try new things. Finally I took him over to the slide and helped him to the top. I was worried that he was going to freak out once we got to the top. But Aidan was so excited he grabbed my hand and started sliding. He laughed all the way to the bottom.

At the bottom Aidan started jumping up and down and said "Again! Again! Again!" We stood in line and in a few minutes found ourselves again at the top of the slide. We slid down and once again Aidan acted as if it was the most fun thing he had done in the short two years he's been alive. Needless to say, we spend the entire evening going up and down the slide until the party ended.

That night as I put him in bed, all Aidan could talk about was the slide and fun it was. I leaned down and kiss his forehead and said, "I had a lot of fun too." It was true. Seeing Aidan so happy made my week. It's moments like this that make being a dad so great.

Cactus or Finger?

I can't believe how much national press this local story is receiving.

A vent cover on the side of a house looks like it might be a rude hand gesture. Then again, it might be a cactus, abstract art-style. It depends if you're the owner or a neighbor.

"This kind of shows the attitude that we've been dealing with all along," said neighbor Stan Torgersen, who sees it as a hand giving the finger, visible from all his back windows.

The local news won't even show the entire vents in question without blurring the image. They have shown parts of it, however, and it's actually quite funny when you see what the guy has done. (You can see a photo of it here.)

Marathon Girl and I both had a good laugh when we first saw this story on TV a few days back and both sympathize with the man whose building his house. His neighbors seem to be unreasonable and act like cry babies now that their view of the mountains are blocked. Perhaps they should ask themselves whose view of the mountains their homes are blocking.