No Brains Required to Work Campus Security

I'm taking a night class at the University of Utah this semester. Haven't mentioned in the blog because I didn't think most people would be interested in the finer points of creating database driven websites. However I'll have to make an exception when it comes to last night's class -- which wasn't held thanks to the university's security department. The instructor for this class is part-time. Therefore he has no keys to the computer lab we need to have our class. For some reason the lab was locked last night and the instructor spent a good 20 minutes attempting to locate someone who had keys. Not being able to find someone, he called campus security to see if they could unlock the door.

Two beefy guys showed up about ten minutes later with a set of keys. The instructor explained the situation and asked them to open the lab. The security guys asked of the instructor had any documentation that showed we were scheduled to use the lab. The instructor produced a roll for the class which wasn't good enough fort the beefy security guys. They said they needed documentation that showed there was a class scheduled for the lab.

Then I remembered I had the receipt for the class in my backpack, printed on university stationary. It had the class, the instructor's name, room number and every other piece of information needed to prove that the lab should be open.

One of the security guys looked at my receipt for the class and said, "You could have just printed this out at home. Anyone can make this stuff nowadays."

The instructor pointed to some campus class brochures in the hall and had his photograph, name and the date and time of the class printed on them.

"I'm sorry. That's good enough," the security guys said again.

"Yeah," I muttered under my breath, "We probably just printed them off at home."

We went back and forth with campus security for ten more minutes trying to prove that we really belonged in the room but to no avail. Campus security would not open the door and the instructor was finally forced to call the class.

My favorite part of the whole exchange was how the security guys kept saying "I understand" to everything we said.

"I understand you want to get in the room."

"I understand this is frustrating for you."

"I understand you can't teach the class without computers."

It's great they're trained to understand, but would it hurt these guys to think a little? If we were intent on stealing from the university's computer lab, do you think we'd call campus security to let us in?

What was the most frustrating about the whole incident wasn't the fact that security guys didn't have a brain, but that class was canceled. This is a fairly intense class and I'd much rather have a makeup day then try to cram the missed material over the next few weeks.

~sighs~

I hope we don't have this problem tomorrow night.

Snowbird

Spent many days this week up at Snowbird, Utah for a company conference. The conference was long and tiring (but very worthwhile). But if you're going to spend some time at a conference, Snowbird is a beautiful place to hold it. Some pics from Snowbird.

Fortune Cookie

I had Chinese for lunch today. As always, the most disappointing part of the meal was the fortune cookie. Nowadays it's rare for fortune cookies to contain actual fortunes. Instead most of them aren't fortunes at all. For example a collection of "fortunes" at our table included:

Always have old memories and young hopes. Cooperate with those who have both know how and integrity.

Not really fortunes. Instead they're more like feel good or inspiring sayings. Other fortunes are so general they remind me of horoscopes or something a psychic would tell you. Some "fortunes" along these lines at the table today included:

Everything will soon come your way.

Your good nature will bring you much happiness.

It's like talking to one of those 1-900 psychics or reading your horoscope. Will everything really come my way? Everything? The Tigers are going to win the World Series this year? My boss is going to give me a six figure salary?

Are there no real fortune cookie writers anymore? Perhaps I've missed my calling. If someone would hire me as a fortune cookie writer, I promise I'd come up with real fortunes. Like the following:

Your car is a lemon.

Your spouse knows what you're up to.

You'll be shot playing poker.

Albeit slightly depressing, they are real fortunes. Notice how specific these fortunes are.The first one informs the recipient is being specifically about their car. The second one talks specifically about the person's spouse. The last one tells the person how they'll die. Forget broad generalizations, these fortunes speak to the individual recipient. How about:

You will meet your soul mate at a baseball game.

Santa Claus will bring you coal for Christmas.

Don't be a skeptic, or the Monkey Man will make you believe.

I'm selling my services to the highest bidder. Any takers?

Hey Governor Huntsman, We Can Afford a Tax Cut

As if anyone in Utah needed further proof our state is run by a bunch of tax and spend happy politicians, check out these headlines and excerpts from Friday's edition of the Deseret News. Suspension of gas tax isn't likely

Any possibility of suspending the state tax on gas, which Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. pointed to Thursday as a way to ease pains at pump, may get buried under a whopping revenue loss.... -- Deseret News, September 9, 2005

[State Budget] Surplus is officially record $170.4 million

After months of rapidly escalating estimates, the final surplus for the 2005 fiscal year, which ended June 30, is $170.4 million, according to numbers released Thursday by the Governor's Office of Planning and Budget. -- Deseret News, September 9, 2005

Dating Advice for (Young) Widowers

Just posted: Dating Advice for (Young) Widowers. Excerpt: When I started to date after the death of my first wife, I wanted to talk with someone who had found themselves in a similar situation. I wanted to know about their dating experiences and how they handled awkward situations that may have arisen. Unfortunately I had no one talk with and was left to work things out for myself. But my dating experiences did teach me some things and I've decided to share them in hopes they can be helpful to others. (If there are young widows who read this and find it helpful, please let me know. I'm curious to know whether or not the same issues apply.)

1. When you decide to date again is up to you

I started dating five months after my first wife died. Too soon? I know some friends and family who thought so. But five months was when I felt ready to at least test the dating waters. In reality there's no time frame when one should start dating again. Grieving and moving on is a process that is unique to each person. Some people take years, others weeks, and then there are those who choose never to date again. Whatever you do, don't let others tell you you're moving to fast or waiting too long. Make sure it's something you're really ready to do before you take that step.

Read the entire article.

Embarrassing Moments in My Life

About 10 days ago Marathon Girl and I were in bed. Marathon Girl was engrossed in a novel. I was trying to write. Unable to write further and feeling like snuggling, I changed the screen saver on my computer to read "Get Naked Now!" then told Marathon Girl my computer had a suggestion for her. She laughed and put her book down. I turned off the computer and snuggled up next to her without changing or thinking about the screensaver. Fast forward to Sunday. I have a great lesson prepared for the teenagers we teach in Sunday school. It worked out this week that all of my notes for this wonderful lesson are on my computer. Since we don't have a printer at home, I opted to bring my laptop to class and refer to the notes that way.

Admittedly, I was a little worried about bringing my computer to church. I didn't want it to be a distraction to the class. I turned the computer the screen was facing one of the side walls, thus making it visible to myself and two students. The lesson began. And it was a good lesson. The class was participated more than usual. They were having a good discussions, asking good questions, and providing well thought out answers to my questions.

"Finally," I thought. "I have a lesson that's really reaching them."

Then one of the class members said "Nice screensaver," and started to laugh.

I looked down at my computer. There in big, bright letters spinning on my screen were the words "Get Naked Now!"

I immediately closed the laptop as if that was going to make a difference.

Those who hadn't seen the screensaver demanded to know what it said.

"Get naked now!" said the class member that saw it.

This of course sent waves of laughter throughout the room. Any semblance of reverence that was part of the class was gone and never coming back.

"Was that intended for us?" another student asked.

"No, it was for my wife," I said.

"That was more information than I wanted to know," said a third student.

"You need a computer to get some loving from your wife? That's pathetic," said a fourth.

This last comment sent another wave of laughter through the room.

I thought about where this incident was headed. A rumor was going to spread through church about the screen saver. By the time it reached the ears of the bishop, the message of the screen saver would have changed to something very bad or it would be said that it was intended for someone in the class. (Stay tuned for the post of me getting kicked out of church or not teaching Sunday school.)

I was finally able to restore some sense of order to the room but teaching was almost a moot point. Though the lesson went on, but there were sporadic outbreaks of laughter and, lets face it, who can take me seriously as a teacher after that incident?

The only upside about the whole thing was that Marathon Girl wasn't in class that day. (She was home with Aidan who was not feeling well.) Had she been there and not died from embarrassment, I'm sure she would have killed me.

The Lesson of Hurricane Katrina

Since hurricane Katrina slammed into Louisiana and Mississippi, local, state, and federal government bureaucracies, politicians, and political organizations are doing what they do best: pointing fingers at each other and assigning blame elsewhere. A swift response from any government agency, even in times of crisis, is rare. There are rules and regulations to be followed, forms that need to be filled out, papers that need to be processed. No matter what "reforms" are made, I doubt the response time will change much next time a similar disaster strikes. There has been much made about the lack of leadership from local, state, and the federal governments, but the lack of leadership on the ground while help was "on the way" was equally appalling. When it became apparent that help was not soon coming to those stranded at the Superdome, for example, where was the leadership of trying to evacuate those people in small groups or making some kind of attempt to find supplies and bring them back to those stranded?

The lesson of hurricane Katrina is not what government can do better next time a disaster strikes, it's what can we do to better prepare ourselves should we find ourselves in the midst of a similar catastrophe. Sitting in waiting for someone else to help is one option. Taking charge and finding a way out of difficult circumstances is another.

Knowing how fast bloated, bureaucratic organizations tend to move, should I be finding myself in similar circumstances, I'll be taking matters into my own hands.

The Real Reason Is Global Warming

The hurricane that struck Louisiana yesterday was nicknamed Katrina by the National Weather Service. Its real name is global warming. When the year began with a two-foot snowfall in Los Angeles, the cause was global warming.

When 124-mile-an-hour winds shut down nuclear plants in Scandinavia and cut power to hundreds of thousands of people in Ireland and the United Kingdom, the driver was global warming.

When a severe drought in the Midwest dropped water levels in the Missouri River to their lowest on record earlier this summer, the reason was global warming.

-- Ross Gelbspan, The Boston Globe, August 30, 2005.

Dear Marathon Girl,

I know I should have mown the lawn several days ago. Yes, your right, our yard is beginning to look like a real jungle and if I don't mow it soon, the HOA will be all over us. But before you ask me again to mow it, I think you need to realize, it's not my fault the lawn needs to be mowed. The real reason is global warming.

Because of the increased carbon dioxide and heat trapped in the atmosphere, the lawn is growing faster than it normally would. So fast, in fact, no reasonable person can be expected to keep up with it. In fact I'm thinking about petitioning the HOA to wave the grass cutting rule entirely. When they realize that global warming is at fault, I'm sure they'll understand.

Then there's our lawn mower itself. Sure it's only a year old but don't think congress has passed any kind of bill regulating emissions from lawn mowers. I could be spewing out tons of CO2 when I start it. I think I'll wait for the wise, elected representatives in Washington to tell me when it's safe to mow the lawn. After all, when it comes to global warming, one must think of the children. Do we really want Aidan living in a world where lawn mowers can spew out filth? I think not.

Then there's our garden. We've referred to it all year as the Miracle Garden. We should start calling it the Global Warming Garden. It's not our fault the squash and zucchini crossed pollinated creating some inedible yellow-green atrocity . The real culprit here is global warming. Pumpkins not turning orange? Tomatoes still small and green? It's because of, you guessed it, global warming.

Then there was the wind the other night that tore off a single or two from our roof. Don't bother driving to Home Depot for replacement shingles. That strong wind was due to global warming. And global warming isn't going away anytime soon. So don't replace the missing shingle. Global warming is just going to blow it away again. In fact if it wasn't for global warming, I'm sure there wouldn't be any wind at all.

Now I don't mean to alarm you but the effects of global warming have extended beyond our neighborhood. You know the 12 straight losing seasons of the Detroit Tigers? It's not the result of poor decisions by management or inept ballplayers. The Tigers are simply a victim of global warming. So when ESPN highlights the latest Tiger loss or incompetent pitching, they'll be no more moaning from me. I'll just chalk it up to global warming and know that I'm doing my part by not mowing the lawn.

These are hard and trying times but if we stick together, I'm sure we can make it through the most difficult times humanity has ever faced.

Thanks for being so understanding. I'll get right on the lawn as soon as this whole global warming thing goes away. Be sure to keep an eye on Aidan as he walks through the grass. You never know when a Jaguar will leap out and devour him.

All my love,

Abel

Missing Child Found

Last night I looked outside and noticed a police car in front of our house. This in itself isn't a big deal. Cops routinely park their cars on the street in the summer as it's one of the few streets in this small town with trees large enough to provide a small degree of shade. However I noticed the police officer wasn't in his vehicle so I looked down the street and noticed two other police cars parked nearby. Now three police cars on any one street in this town at the same time is very unusual. Something was up.

I moved to the living room window where I noticed the police officers were talking to a frantic woman. She looked like she was crying but I couldn't be sure. Two of the cops were talking into their radios and stopping the occasional car that drove down the road and talked to the drivers.

Then I noticed it. A blue plastic tricycle with large red wheels was in the middle of the sidewalk. No one went near it. Amid all the people on the sidewalk, no one touched it. Everyone walked in wide circles around it. Then it hit me. There was a missing child.

A few cars drove up. A man wearing a baseball cap emerged from one of the cars and ran over to the woman and hugged her. He was crying too.

Then a black sedan pulled up. A blond haired three year old girl emerged from the back seat and ran over to the man and woman. The look on the woman's face was priceless. She hugged the girl and said "I love you. I love you." over and over again. The parents apparently knew the person who found her. He pointed to a far corner of the neighborhood telling them where he found her. The girl said something and everyone, including the police officers, laughed. Then she walked over to the blue plastic tricycle and started to pedal down the sidewalk. Mom wasn't about to loose her daughter again. She gently picked her up and held her in her arms and put her in the back seat of their car. The dad put the tricycle in the trunk and the family drove home.

Within minutes the street was back to normal. The only sound was the occasional yell of encouragement from a coach watching his soccer team practicing in the park across the street.

Big Babies

Running this time of year is always bittersweet. Since the sun isn't up, it's cooler and the run is more pleasant. Yet every morning a little more darkness creeps into my run and I know that soon I'll be running in the dark again -- something I don't particularly enjoy. But for a few weeks I'll be able to race the first rays of sun to my front door. This morning the sun beat me by a good thirty seconds. Tomorrow I'll try to even the score.

***

The new baby was really squirming around last night. It's no wonder Marathon Girl has a hard time sleeping. Since she couldn't sleep, we talked late into the night.

One of the things we talked about was the size of the new baby. We're a little worried he's going to be huge. Aidan was born two weeks before his due date and weighed 8 lbs, 9 oz. (And you should see him now. At 15 months the kid towers over most two year olds.) Both Marathon Girl and I are quite tall and big babies run in our families.

The doctor says Marathon Girl is measuring normal but so was Aidan when he was this far along. The problem seems to be that Marathon Girl carries babies more high and inside than most women which can hide the actual size of the baby. We don't mind having one the size of Aidan again, but would prefer to deliver a baby under 9 lbs. (Marathon Girl feels particularity strongly about this. Go figure.)

At her last doctor's visit, I told the doctor our concerns. He didn't seemed too worried about the baby's size but that did little to calm our fears. At her next appointment next week, I plan on bringing up the size issue again. If he's still unconcerned, I'm willing to pay for another ultra sound. The last thing we want is a difficult delivery.