One of the landmines women dating widowers have to navigate is the anniversary of the late wife's death. What, if anything should they say or do? How should they act. Thankfully, this video will answer all your questions so you can navigate the day with less stress and also know if the widower is ready to move on.
My Widower's Kids Don't Want to Spend the Holidays with Me
A viewer asks: My widower has three grown, adult children who don’t approve of me or the fact that the widower is in a relationship soon after the death of their mother. They've told the widower they don't want me around for the holidays. What should I do?
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Widowers and Holiday Traditions
A viewer asks: The W I’m engaged to is steeped in holiday traditions for he and his kids. Between the two holidays lots of other activities and parties he wants to attend, I feel that there’s no time for us to make our own memories. What can I say or suggest to make the holidays a special time for both of us?
Help! The Late Wife's Decorations are Everywhere During the Holidays.
A viewer asks: My widower puts up the late wife's decorations during the holidays. This saps the holiday spirit and makes his home a place I don't want to be. Is there anything I can do to get him to put up something new?
Widower Wednesday: The Widower Doesn't Want to Spend the Holidays with Me
Posting a couple special holiday edition videos of Widower Wednesday. In the video below, I answer the following question: The widower I'm dating refuses to spend the holidays with me and would rather spend the time with his family or the late wife's family. What can I do to make him want to spend the holidays with me?
The 2 Biggest Mistakes Women Make when Dating a Widower (Part 2)
In the second of a 2 part series, I talk about the second big mistake women make when dating a widower. I'll discusses this mistake and what you can do to overcome it and see if the widower is serious about you. Enjoy!
Widower Wednesday: Guest Video About Setting Boundaries
Last week I posted a video about setting boundaries with widowers. That video inspired one woman who watched it to set boundaries with the widower she was dating and what happened after she did it. She sent me a video about her experience and said I could share it with my readers. She has some great wisdom and experience to share. Enjoy!
Widower Wednesday: The 2 Biggest Mistakes Women Make when Dating a Widower (Part 1)
Thanks for the feedback on the first Widower Wednesday video I made. It was good enough that I decided to make some more videos. In today's video edition of Widower Wednesday, I discuss the 2 big mistakes women make when dating a widower and what you can do to overcome it. Enjoy!
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If you like this video, then you'll probably enjoy one of the books below.
Widower Wednesday: A Video Response
Based on some comments on the blog and the Dating a Widower Facebook group, I decided to make a video to clarify my Widower Wednesday column from yesterday.
I've never made a video like this before so I'd appreciate any feedback on the format and whether I should do more videos like this in the future. If it's a good way to get the point across, maybe I'd do more Widower Wednesday videos in the future. Watch the video below and let me know what you think in the comments below or via email.
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If you liked this video, you might like one of the books below.
Widower Wednesday: How Can You Know if a Widower is Ready to Date Again?
Most questions that hit my inbox come from women who are currently dating or married to a widower. The other day, however, I got a question from someone who hasn’t dated a widower but wants to go out with one.
In the email she told me about her neighbor whose wife passed away last year. She’s had casual conversations with him both before and after his wife died in the neighborhood and at the church they both attend. She never thought about him in a romantic way but now finds herself attracted to him and wants to get to know him better.
The problem is that she’s noticed a bunch of red flags that made her think the widower wasn’t ready for another relationship and she’s hesitant to open her heart to him if things aren’t going to work out. After listing off red flags (still wearing a wedding ring, still posts on late wife’s Facebook page, etc.) she asked me how one can know if a widower is ready to date or have a serious relationship again.
I thought she asked a good question and it was worth a Widower Wednesday post.
Let’s say you met a widower and felt a connection to him but knew about or noticed the following issues:
· He has photos of the late wife in every room of the house
· He wears a wedding ring on his chain around his neck
· He recently bought and renovated the house that his late wife wanted to buy right before she died
Would you think that widower was ready to start a new relationship?
Most readers of this blog would probably say that he’s not ready. After all, how could someone someone who was still wearing wedding his ring or have photos of the late wife everywhere be ready to start a new chapter in his life?
Well, those three red flags are the same red flags Marathon Girl noticed when we started dating.
Was I ready to move on? At the time I thought I was. I had been dating a couple months at that point and had a semi-serious long distance relationship going on. (Read Room for Two if you want all the salacious details.) But looking back it was obvious that there was a lot of work I had to do before I could truly open my heart to Marathon Girl.
So what got me to take the photos down, take off the wedding ring, and sell the house and marry Marathon Girl?
Well, it was my love for Marathon Girl, of course, but until I fell in love with her (officially happened on the second date, BTW) I didn’t have to make a choice between moving forward with someone else and muddling through life as a widower. My love for Marathon Girl forced me to decide what was more important: pictures on the wall of my late wife or her feeling comfortable in my house? Keeping a ring on a chain around my neck or her feelings or wanting to be number one in my heart? A home that had a lot of sentimental value for me or a home where we could start fresh and raise a family together?
Marathon Girl won every single time.
The point of the story is not to let outward red flags dissuade you from getting to know a widower better. Just because he’s wearing a wedding ring or walls covered in photos of the late wife doesn’t mean he won’t remove the ring or take down the photos for you. Odds are he’s still wearing the ring because he hasn’t had to make that choice or found someone worth taking off his wedding band for.
The only way you’re going to know if a widower is really ready to move forward is for the two of you to get to know each other better. Maybe you’ll know on the first date that he’s not ready. Maybe it will take more time to figure that out. But odds are the widower doesn’t know what he will or won’t do until he’s has to choose between a new love and his existing life.
So move forward cautiously with your eyes wide open and see what happens. If you choose to remain on the sidelines, you’ll never know if he’s ready.
Update: I’ve posted about a video response to this post here.
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Enjoy this Widower Wednesday post? Then you might also enjoy one of the books below.