The one good thing about daylight savings time

Because of the exceptionally warm weather and the extra hour of sunlight we took Aidan to the park yesterday and let him play on the slides. Just last summer he was terrified of sliding by himself. He refused to go down unless you were holding his hand. Now he slides down and climbs back up as fast as he can go.

Aidan's not even two and I feel that he's already growing up extremely fast.

***

Tigers won their first game of the season yesterday. Hopefully this is a good sign of things to come.

Baseball 2006

The baseball season starts Sunday. The Tiger's first game is Monday.

Summer has officially arrived.

No regrets

Jay died yesterday. Jay was my age. Married. Had a five-year-old step son.

I worked with Jay at my previous job.

I never knew him that well. Most of our conversation was from the hellos we'd exchange when we'd pass each other in the halls.

But when a former co-worker forwarded me the email yesterday announcing his death, I was stunned.

Jay was young after all and in good health. One day he was fine. The next day he was dead. (The rumor is that he died from brain aneurism but no one really seems to know of this writing what killed him.)

Sudden, unexpected deaths like this always start me thinking about how I'm living my life. Because my life could be over tomorrow too. Or I could live for fifty years. Either way, it was time for one of those semi-annual checks to evaluate how I'm doing.

So yesterday, on the commute home, I thought a lot about my relationship with Marathon Girl. I can honestly say if I was to die tomorrow, I wouldn't have any regrets about our marriage. We spend all of our free time together. We support each other in our interests whether it be running marathons or writing books. We've taken trips together to see friends, family, and baseball games. We have two wonderful sons. In the three short years we've been married, we've done everything we wanted to accomplish in the first three years together.

I can't say that about my first marriage.

As good as my relationship was with my first wife, I took both her and our marriage for granted. I look back on those brief 35 months and wish I could have done some things differently like not spend more time together, taken that trip to San Diego my first wife always dreamed about, or been a comfort for her instead of indifferent as the insanity slowly enveloped her mind during the last few months of her life.

But I've learned from my mistakes. I've learned how short and fragile life is. And how important it is to live life so when our time does come, we have no regrets about our thoughts, actions, and relationships.

I hope Jay died with no regrets. I hope he can look back at his life and see a life well lived. And I hope that I can continue on the course I'm on so when my life is over -- whether that be tomorrow or in 60 years -- I can look back and not have regrets about the way I lived my life.

I hope that living a life without regrets is something we'll all be able to do.

Random Thoughts from This Weekend

I knew it was a sorry Oscar season but after watching Walk the Line with Marathon Girl Friday night I realized how truly sorry it was. Why that movie wasn't nominated for Best Picture is beyond me.

***

There are two things I'd never thought I'd do: live in Happy Valley and own a minivan. Eighteen months ago I moved to Happy Valley. Last week I became the owner of a minivan. I expect to wake up any minute screaming.

***

Spring arrived late this year. My run on Saturday morning in the bright, warm sunshine was the first time I actually had spring fever.

***

One reason we need to forgive others is so they can start forgiving themselves.

***

The best part about being married is lying in bed while a storm shakes the house and holding the woman of your dreams in your arms.

***

Another great thing about being married is waking up early one morning to realize the most beautiful woman in the world is cuddled up next to you.

More thoughts on Starving Artists

It was interesting to read the responses to my Starving Artist article. Some thoughts.

I never stated writers (or anyone else) shouldn't be passionate about what they produce. I think in order to write a good book, you need to be passionate and believe in what you are writing. However, I think writers need to take a long hard look at what audience they are trying to reach with their book and whether or not anyone else will care about it.

As many of you know, I recently completed a memoir. I put a lot of time and effort into writing it. However I did not write the book simply because it was something I wanted to write. I wrote the memoir because of the hundreds of emails I've received over the last few years from people who have been touched by my story. I saw that writing a book about the death of my first wife and infant daughter, moving on, and falling in love with my second wife could touch and benefit many people's lives.

For those who haven't gone through the process of selling a book to publishers and agents like I am currently doing, there is a hard reality they don't teach you in writing classes: agents and publishers want to know who will read the book you're writing. Agents won't represent a book and publishers won't publish a book simply because a book is well written. They expect the writer to know the audience the book is intended for. If a writer cannot define an audience for the book and point out why his book will stand out above similar books in the market, it will never be published.

The writer who I referred to in the Starving Artist had done none of this. He simply thought that by writing a good book he was entitled to be published and became famous. Before writing the book he never thought about who would enjoy reading the book outside himself and his immediate circle of friends.

Having passion about what you write (or paint or build or program) is a key part of becoming a successful. But passion is not enough. There are many artists out there with a passion for what they do but are destitute because they 1) don't know who they're making their products for and/or 2) don't take the necessary time and effort to sell their work to that audience.

Those famous artists and writers who died in obscurity and poverty didn't have to live that way. A little marketing and the ability to convince others that their books or art were worth buying would have gone a long way to help those artists become successful while they were alive instead of receiving the recognition after they died.

Currently I am writing on a work of fiction. I am very excited about the subject, the story, and the characters. However, I am writing this second book not because I think I have a good plot of interesting characters (I do) but because I see an underserved audience in the book world that would enjoy reading the type of fiction I'm writing.

Yes, be passionate about your writing (or whatever it is you like to do.) Just make sure there are many others who will enjoy what you create.

***

Finally, I would like to address the idea that when a book or work of art becomes a commercial success it is somehow not worth reading (or buying or admiring).

If you feel that you can't read a book because it's a best seller or because some talk show host has put her seal of approval on it then you are what I used to be: a literary snob. There are many great books that can be enjoyed that you don't need your secret English decoder rings (read: literary criticism) to enjoy.

I remember the first time I read Jurassic Park. I had shunned any books by Michael Crichton because I had been told that his books weren't worth reading and lacked any artistic merit. Instead I discovered that Crichton was a talented and imaginative storyteller who wrote a book that I couldn't put down. Was the book flawlessly written? No. Was a great piece of literature? Probably not. But Crichton told an amazing story and was rewarded for his efforts by having millions of that book sell and also made into a popular movie.

The story of Jurassic Park created value for millions of people. Though the book wasn't nominated for any literary rewards, it entertained millions of people. In my mind that makes the book far more valuable than some obscure book that is well written and won some literary prize.

And for those who think all commercially successful books lack artistic merit, you might want to read books like To Kill a Mockingbird, The Lovely Bones, Fahrenheit 451, The God of Small Things, The Time Traveler's Wife, or Catcher in the Rye.

Reading books that sell well can help you become successful full-time writer. Read best selling books and figure out how the writer is connecting to the intended audience. If you want to write murder mysteries, read the popular murder mystery books and figure out what the author is doing right. Then write your own book but make it better whether it be in terms of artistic quality, characters, plot, etc. (I'm not saying to plagiarize other books but figure out why these books are connecting with their intended audiences.) You don't have to "sell out" to become a successful writer. But you do need to know who you are writing to and be able to connect with that audience if you want to make enough money to do it full time.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying a well written book. There is something wrong, however, when you think others have bad taste simply because they enjoy books that are more popular than yours.

Starving Artists

Recently on an Internet discussion board I participate in, a writer posted a tirade on how he was being "forced" to take a corporate writing job in the real world to make ends meet. The writer had put over a year of his life into what he thought was the next great novel. After another year of attempting to market the book to agents and publishers, he was unable to find anyone interested in publishing it. The writer then lashed out at the publishing industry saying that they only cared about profits and not publishing great works of literature.

Those who replied to the writer were sympathetic to his plight and agreed that it was a shame this writer had to settle for a corporate job. Many echoed the oft repeated sentiment in literary circles that writers in general were underpaid because society didn't appreciate them or the fine pieces of literature they created.

My response to the frustrated writer was different. Though I sympathized with his frustration, I asked if he had thought about an audience for his book before he started writing it. Instead of writing a book that you like, I asked, why not write a book that other people would like to read? The question was not meant to be offensive. It was my hope that it would start the discussion group thinking about how a writer could create value for others by brainstorming strategies to determine what people want to read. Instead, the responses to my question revealed why there are so many starving artists in the world.

One person said a writer shouldn't be forced to create something for those who don't know what great writing really is. Another wrote that a full time writing career was impossible unless the author was willing to write self-help books, maudlin fiction, or formulaic romance novels. In short, these writers weren't interested in writing something that others would find valuable. They were only interested in creating something that was valuable to themselves and a close knit group of their literary friends.

If you want to make a successful career from something you enjoy doing, you need to find a way to make it valuable for other. You may be the best writer in the world but unless people are willing to purchase the books you write, you won't last long as a full-time writer. There are many writers who can write books that are technically superior to a romance novel, but there are few who can convince people that their story, characters, and overall message is worth a consumer's time and money.

The folly of focusing on what is valuable to the writer instead of the consumer is not limited to writers or others in the creative arts. I've known many engineers and scientists who were "forced" to work for a corporation because the pubic didn't realize how great their invention was or because they were unable to obtain funding for the research they thought was important.

People who make a living as writers or artists are not necessarily the best at their fields. They are successful because they have learned to create value for someone else. For the writer it means writing a book with a story and characters that people want to read. For an artist, it is creating a painting or sculpture that people want to display in a gallery or their homes. A musician needs to create a song that people want to listen to. An engineer needs to invent something that will truly make someone's life easier.

The world is full of starving artists. What separates them from those who are able to spend their time creating what they love successful is that they have developed the ability to create and sell something that people want to purchase. There are many talented people who could do what they love full-time if only they tried to create value for others instead of merely for themselves.

March Madness

I'm sure you're all dying to know which college basketball teams I picked to reach the Final Four. Here they are:

  • Memphis
  • Texas
  • Univiersity of North Carolina
  • Ohio State

Championship Game

  • Ohio State
  • Texas

Champion

  • Texas

Kirby Puckett 1960-2006

I remember when some sports star from my father's or grandfather's era would pass away. My dad or grandpa would tell me about games they watched these sports star play in. I'd listen to their stories but in the back of my mind think how old that made may father or grandfather seem. The sports stars of my generation were still playing and it seemed at the time they would play forever.

Needless to say, I was surprised to hear last week that Kirby Puckett died at the age of 45. Though he played for the rival Minnesota Twins (the team thanks in part to Pucket's effort, that denied the Tigers a shot at the '87 World Series) he was a player I always admired not only because of his exceptional all-around baseball skills but because he was always one of those athletes that kept his nose clean. When he made the news it was because of his baseball skills, not because of contract negotiations or problems with the law.

Since my boys are too young to listen to or care about Kirby Puckett, Marathon Girl became my sounding board. And the entire time I talked to her about him, couldn't help but feel old.

More about that new job

I started blogging in 2000 -- about a year before my first wife died. My first blog was political in nature. (I'm not going to give out the blog's URL, but the curious can find it from this page in about four clicks of the mouse.) My blog consisted of whatever political insights I could type up during my lunch breaks at work. Though few people read it, I enjoyed writing political commentary. After my first wife died, I tried to keep the political blog going, but my passion for politics was gone. So I ended my political blog and started my widower blog.

It took several years for my interest in politics to be rekindled but eventually I became just as passionate about it as I was before the first wife died. (This took a little bit of adjusting on Marathon Girl's part for while we were dating and the first year we were married, I discussed politics very little.)

Occasionally a political post or two has made its way into this blog, though I've done my best to keep my political opinions off of this website as the main goal of this site is not political in nature. (That being said, there's enough of my personal views in my Suicide Survivor article and other pieces I've posted on this site that it would be easy to guess what direction I lean politically.)

So why am I writing about this?

Back in January I mentioned I took a new job and I mentioned that it was my dream job and I'd provide more information about it later.

Well, here's more information: my new job duties include writing political commentary. If you want to read what I write, click here.

Unless the topic is related to the message of this blog in some way, it's my intent to keep political commentary separate from this website since it serves a non-political purpose and audience. But for those who want to check up on my political writings, I've added a "My Political Writings" link under the Must Read sidebar of the blog. I've also updated my bio with links too. If anyone does want to discuss politics with me, I would rather keep it off these pages, but you can always send me an email.

Look for a regular, non-political post in the next day or two.