By far the most common subject that fills my email box is from women who are dating widowers who, for one reason or another, refuse to give the girlfriend the love and affection she wants or are reluctant to commit to a more serious relationship.
It's usually assumed that the reason for his lack of commitment or affection is because the man is a widower and still grieving over the late wife. While that may be the case for one out of 20 emails, for the most part the widower is simply using his late wife death as an excuse to behave badly or their seemingly unwillingness to appreciate, value, and love these women. In reality, it doesn't matter how long the wife's been dead, if the widower truly loves another woman, he won't let anything hold him back from moving the relationship forward and treating the woman like she wants (and deserves) to be treated.
While my advice to these women is usually to end relationships that aren't going anywhere, it's been frustrating not having a good resource that I can recommend that can them identify relationships that aren't going anywhere or may be abusive before they become too emotionally involved with that person.
Fortunately, there's now a book that does just that.
Want to Marry A Good Man? Here's How! by Alisa Goodwin Snell is a complete guide to having the confidence to find a good man while being able to identify potentially abusive and how to know if a relationship is going anywhere within the first few weeks of dating someone.
(Full disclosure: I had Snell, a licensed marriage and family therapist, on my former radio show several times and read and provided feedback on early drafts of the book.)
Snell does an excellent job of identifying warning sings to watch for when you date someone and provides some good timelines to avoid rushing into a bad relationship. She also provides some excellent tips for flirting, acting confident when out on a date -- even if you're feeling insecure -- and making the man work for your love and the relationship instead of just giving it to him. Snell also provides great insight to the male mind and nails what men value in a relationship -- something a lot of women don't seem to know or act on.
Part of the reason I liked this book so much was because I thought a lot about my relationship with Marathon Girl while I was reading it -- especially the things that she did right that helped our relationship move forward. For example, after Marathon Girl decided she was willing to date a widower, she knew the importance of making me work for her love and prove to her that I was willing to form a new relationship with her instead of letting my love for the late wife hold me back. (For those who have read my book, contrast Marathon Girl's behavior with the girl I dated who basically threw herself at me.)
This book was also revelatory to me as it showed the commonality between Marathon Girl and my late wife and why I fell head over heels for her. (This will all be detailed in my next blog post.)
Want to Marry A Good Man doesn't contain the trite advice you'll find in most relationship books. Snell knows what she's talking about. As a guy I can tell you she knows what men like in women and how they think. Using this book as a guide can get women past the losers and jerks and on the right course to finding someone that will truly love them.
I highly recommend Want to Marry A Good Man not only to women who are dating widowers but any single women who are looking for a good man to have a lasting, long term relationship with (read: marriage).
This book was just released last month and, like my book, is still making its way to bookstores. Your best bet for purchasing a copy is via Amazon or other online bookstores such as Barnes & Noble though you can probably walk into any bookstore and ask them to order one.