Widower Wednesday: The Widower, His Children, and Christmas

Note: If you have a holiday related widower concern, you’d like to me to address here, please send me an email. I've also posted links to past holiday columns at the bottom of today’s column. Enjoy!


Here’s a situation that some GOWs might be dealing with this holiday season:

My widower wants to host Christmas this year. Some of his kids accept and like me but two of them don’t. Every time I visit they’re very rude and let me (and everyone else) know that I’m not welcome there. Just thinking about spending the holidays at his home stresses me out. My widower says his kids will "come to accept me with time" but hasn't talked to him about their behavior. I think my widower will be offended if I tell him I’m not coming. Any suggestions on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.

If the widower hasn’t talked to his children about their (mis)behavior, then decline his invitation and politely explain the reasons for doing so. Holidays should be a time that we spend with those we care most about. It should be a happy time, not one full of stress and worry. Don’t put yourself in a place where people aren’t going to treat you nicely.

The fact that the widower hasn’t talked to his kids about how to treat you tells me that he values their feelings more than yours. He should be defending you. Unless he’s willing to talk to the kids and resolve the situation, there’s no point going over there for any other activities.

In the meantime, start making other holiday plans—ones that include people that you feel comfortable spending time with.


If you're looking for more holiday themed Widower Wednesday columns, check out the links below.