The audiobook version of Marrying a Widower: What You Need to Know Before Tying the Knot is now available wherever audiobooks are sold. Links and more information below.
Listen to the first chapter below.
Relationships run on compatibility, not potential
Watch a video of this post here.
A viewer writes: My boyfriend doesn’t want marriage or family (children). Our values aren’t the same.
Relationships run on compatibility, not potential. If you want marriage and a family and he’s made it clear he doesn’t, you’re not “working through a problem”—you’re in a relationship with someone whose life goals directly contradict yours. That’s not something you negotiate or “wait out.”
When core values don’t line up, the relationship has already hit its ceiling. You can either give up what you want or accept that he’s not the guy. Don’t waste years hoping someone will suddenly want what you’ve always wanted. Find a man whose vision for the future matches yours. It really is that simple.
Introduction to Marrying a Widower, Second Edition
This is a must-read for anyone married to or planning on marrying a widow or widower.
Introduction to the Second Edition
When I wrote the first edition of this book, Julianna and I were married for about a decade. I’d already spent several years connecting with widows, widowers, and those dating them. At that time, however, I hadn’t started my coaching practice. Most of the people I spoke with were still in the dating phase. Conversations with those who were engaged or already married were few and far between. That all changed once I began coaching.
Coaching provided me with a firsthand view of the difficulties couples encounter when a widower pursues marriage. I began hearing from women who were engaged and anxious about whether the widower was genuinely ready to tie the knot, widowers who weren’t sure if they were truly prepared to marry, and couples who thought they were doing everything right until things started falling apart.
I’ve watched many of my clients’ relationships grow into strong, lasting marriages. Sadly, I’ve also seen more than a few fall apart—sometimes just a few months after exchanging vows. Nothing is more heartbreaking than hearing from a woman who thought marriage would fix everything, only to find out her widower wasn’t ready to open his heart. Nothing is more painful than hearing a man admit, after the fact, that he rushed into a second marriage because he was lonely and thought that a new relationship would alleviate his grief and heartbreak.
This second edition is, for all practical purposes, a complete rewrite. While many of the core principles from the original version remain, this edition goes much deeper. It’s built on hard-earned insight from my marriage to Julianna and hundreds of coaching calls, emails, and conversations with real people in the trenches. It explains why so many marriages to widowers fail. More importantly, it outlines what you can do to ensure yours doesn’t. In it, you’ll find practical advice for evaluating a widower’s readiness, setting boundaries, avoiding common pitfalls, and building a strong foundation for the future. If you’re already married, there’s guidance here for strengthening your relationship—especially if things aren’t going as smoothly as you hoped.
This year, Julianna and I celebrated 22 years of marriage. Like others, our marriage is a work in progress. However, it’s stronger, deeper, and more resilient than when I wrote the first edition. The lessons in this book reflect what we’ve lived and seen work and fail for countless others.
I hope this book helps you avoid the landmines and gives you the tools to make wise decisions before saying “I do.” If you’ve already tied the knot, I hope it gives you what you need to build a strong, steady relationship that will last the rest of your life.
Let’s get to work!
Abel Keogh
August 2025
New, Second Edition: Marrying a Widower
The second edition of Marrying a Widower: What You Need to Know Before Tying the Knot is now available in print, digital, and audiobook.
Marrying a widower means writing a new story—together
Every marriage takes work, but marrying a widower comes with its own set of emotional and relational challenges. If you’re engaged or in a serious relationship with a widower, you need to know if he’s truly ready to build a life with you. Marrying a Widower will give you the clarity and confidence to either move forward—or walk away.
Drawing on more than two decades of personal and professional experience, remarried widower and relationship coach Abel Keogh shares practical advice for creating a strong, lasting marriage, including:
How to ensure your marriage is new and meaningful--not a continuation of his past
The top reasons marriages to widowers fail and how to avoid them
How to protect yourself financially and emotionally
How to handle the wedding guest list (and why some people should be left off)
How to confirm you’re truly compatible in all the right areas—not just focused on widower-related issues
You’ll also find more than 15 real-life stories from women who have stood exactly where you are now. Whether you’re engaged or simply weighing the future, Marrying a Widower will help you evaluate your relationship honestly and prepare for a marriage rooted in love, commitment, and a future that belongs to both of you.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Will the Widower Love Me Like He Loved the Late Wife?
Chapter 2: The Top Three Reasons Marriages to Widowers Fail
Chapter 3: Three Keys to a Thriving Marriage with a Widower
Chapter 4: Ashes, Headstones, and Burial Plots
Chapter 5: Why You Need a Prenup Before Marrying a Widower
Chapter 6: Thinking Beyond Widower Issues
Chapter 7: Who Should You (Not) Invite to Your Wedding?
Chapter 8: The Best Thing You Can Do for Your Marriage
Chapter 9: Final Thoughts
You Can't Compete with a Memory
Thomas Massie and the Grief Police
Note: Watch the short video version of this here.
The internet is furious again — and this time, it’s because a widower dared to rebuild his life. Kentucky Representative Thomas Massie announced on social media that he recently got married to former congressional staffer Carolyn Grance Moffa — just 16 months after his late wife, Rhonda, passed away unexpectedly. And almost immediately, the grief police showed up in full force. They criticized him for marrying “too soon,” accused him of not loving his late wife enough, and even threw around accusations that the relationship must have begun before Rhonda died.
Here’s what most people don’t realize: it’s actually very common for widowers to remarry relatively quickly. It’s also common for them to marry someone already in their social or professional circle — someone they already know and trust. None of Massie’s behavior is unusual. The real issue is that our society doesn’t understand how grief works or how men process loss, and that ignorance leads to misconceptions, judgment, and guilt.
Now, some of you might be wondering, “How do you know he was ready to open his heart again?” The truth is, I don’t know Representative Massie personally — but neither does anyone else criticizing him online. And that’s the point. We don’t get to determine someone else’s emotional readiness just because it doesn’t line up with what we think we might do.
Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. There isn’t a calendar where you flip to month sixteen and suddenly receive permission to date again. It’s a deeply personal, invisible process that plays out differently for every human being. The heart doesn’t forget, it grows. Love is not a limited resource and when someone finds the courage to open their heart after devastating loss, that should be something we honor, not attack.
And if you’re a widow or widower who chooses not to date or remarry — or you believe you would never date again if your spouse passed — that’s fine. That’s your choice. But it’s not morally superior. You don’t earn virtue points for remaining alone forever.
So please — stop policing the grief of others. Stop telling widows and widowers how long they’re required to suffer. Life doesn’t end when a spouse dies. It continues. And for those who find love again, we should celebrate the new chapter, not shame them for turning the page.
I’m Abel Keogh, author of Dating a Widower. Thanks for watching, and we’ll see you next week.
Why Recreating a Deceased Spouse with AI Is a Horrible Idea (and What to Do Instead)
Apparently, Suzanne Somers’ widower, Alan Hamel, is trying to recreate the deceased actress with an AI robot. Somers, who is best known for her role in the sitcom Three’s Company, died in 2023. Hamel says the “AI twin” looks and sounds just like her — and that when he talks to it, he can’t tell the difference.
I understand why it’s appealing to recreate your deceased spouse. When you’ve lost someone you love, you’d do anything to feel close to them again, but just because we can use technology to bring back a version of them doesn’t mean we should.
This video discusses why this is a horrible idea—and what you can do to honor your spouse’s memory in a healthy way.
Why Re-Creating a Deceased Spouse with AI Is a Bad Idea (and What to Do Instead)
I’m Abel Keogh, author of the book, Dating a Widower, and today we’re going to discuss why recreating a deceased spouse with an AI robot is a horrible idea---and what you should do instead.
Apparently, Suzanne Somers’ widower, Alan Hamel, is trying to recreate the deceased actress with an AI robot. Somers, who is best known for her role in the sitcom Three’s Company, died in 2023. Hamel says the “AI twin” looks and sounds just like her — and that when he talks to it, he can’t tell the difference.
Now, I get why it’s appealing to recreate your deceased spouse. When you’ve lost someone you love, you’d do anything to feel close to them again, but just because we can use technology to bring back a version of them doesn’t mean we should.
So, let’s talk about why this is a horrible idea—and what you can do to honor your spouse’s memory in a healthy way.
The first reason re-creating your deceased spouse with AI is a bad idea is that it prevents grieving.
No one likes to grieve, but grief has a purpose. It helps us face loss, come to terms with reality, and eventually find peace. When you spend time interacting with an AI version of your late spouse, you never fully accept that they’re gone. You’re filling the silence with an illusion. It might make the pain feel easier for a while, but it keeps from progressing. You can’t heal or move forward when part of you is still interacting with a program of your late spouse.
Let me give you a personal example. Working through the grief of my late wife and daughter was difficult, but it taught me things I never could have learned otherwise. It taught me that I could make it through difficult circumstances, it taught me not to take Julianna and my seven kids for granted, and it taught me the value of being present and making the most of the time we have with those we love.
It also gave me increased sympathy and compassion for those who have lost a loved one or are going through loss. Where in the past I might have avoided people who are grieving, I now know how to help or, at least, give them a listening ear. Had some AI version of my late wife, Krista, been around, it would have stunted or made such lessons learned impossible. I’m a better and stronger person because of my loss. An AI clone would have made it easy to coast and stunted my mental and emotional work needed to move forward.
The second reason re-creating your deceased spouse with AI is a bad idea is that it distorts memory and reality.
According to the article, “The [Suzanne Somers] AI robot has not only been designed to look like the Three’s Company star, but was also trained by reading all 27 of her books, in addition to being fed hundreds of interviews that Somers did over the course of her career. Hamel said that he thought the robot was ‘perfect’ when he interacted with it at the conference.”
Now, I’m sure this AI replica of Somers sounds like her and even contains many of her thoughts and ideas. But at the end of the day, it’s just a program—a bunch of ones and zeros—doing exactly what it was trained to do. It can repeat her words and mimic her tone, but it doesn’t feel anything. It doesn’t love, it doesn’t grow, and it doesn’t care about Hamel or anyone else. It may seem like it cares, but it’s doing what it’s programmed to do.
Human beings change over time. We learn, we adapt, and we change as life shapes us. An AI version of your spouse can’t do that. It’s frozen in time—a digital snapshot of who they were, not who they would have become. And that’s where it starts to mess with your memories. The more time you spend interacting with it, the easier it becomes to blur the lines between what your spouse actually said and what the AI is generating. Before long, you start remembering the AI’s responses instead of real conversations. It can rewrite your past in subtle ways—and that changes how you remember your spouse, and not in a good way.
And that leads to the third and most important point:
Having an AI version of your late spouse. Erodes Real Relationships and Creates Unhealthy Attachments
Because an AI will be whatever you want it to be, it’s easy to depend on it emotionally. It feels like a real relationship—you can have conversations, get comforting responses, and never be challenged or surprised. But that’s the problem. When you’re in control of every interaction and can change it to answer and respond the way you want, that soothing predictability can become addictive.
AI companions, especially those designed to meet emotional needs, can distort your perceptions of connection and intimacy. They make it easy to settle for a digital imitation of love instead of doing the harder, more meaningful work of real relationships. And when that happens, your heart starts to close off. Instead of healing, you isolate yourself from the real world. The longer you stay attached to a digital version of your late spouse, the harder it becomes to open your heart again—to new friendships, new experiences, and maybe even new love.
Technology can either enlarge or restrict our capacity to live, love, and serve meaningfully. In this case, it restricts it. It blurs your true identity and replaces genuine human connection with something artificial. And, if you ever decide to date again or remarry, an AI version of your late spouse will only make that harder. If you think competing with an idolized, dead person is hard, try competing with an AI robot. It’s not fair to your new partner—and it’s not fair to you either. You can’t move forward when part of your heart is still tied to a digital illusion of the past. You can honor your spouse’s memory without living in emotional limbo.
So, how can you honor your late spouse’s memory without living in emotional limbo?
By living a life they’d be proud of. Instead of letting grief and loss hold you back, AI might be able to mimic a face or a voice, but it can’t recreate love, soul, or shared experiences. It stops you from growing and living. It stops you from creating a Chapter 2 that your late spouse would be proud of. The goal after loss isn’t to rebuild the past — it’s to remember it, learn from it, and move forward.
Honor your spouse by living a life they’d be proud of — not by trying to reprogram the one you lost.
I’m Abel Keogh, author of the book Dating a Widower, and I’ll see you all next Wednesday.
New Audiobook: Life with a Widower
The audiobook of Life with a Widower: How to Overcome Unique Challenges, Set Boundaries, and Create a Secure, Lasting Relationship is now available in audio. Narrated by Abel Keogh, this book delivers no-nonsense advice and hard-won insight from someone who’s been there and helped thousands of women get the answers they need. It also includes over 20 stories from women who have traveled this journey. Links to buy below. You can also listen to the first chapter on my YouTube channel.
Introduction to Life with a Widower, Second Edition
Introduction to the Second Edition
Dating a widower comes with challenges you probably didn’t anticipate, such as unsupportive children, untouched belongings, grief anniversaries, and holiday traditions that feel like someone else’s. At some point, questions start creeping in. Will his kids ever accept me? When will he go through his late wife’s things? Are we building something new, or am I stepping into a past life? These are the same questions I’ve heard repeatedly from thousands of women I’ve coached since publishing the first edition of this book 12 years ago.
Some of you are trying to deepen your relationship and commitment. Others are wondering if they should walk away. It often isn't easy to decide because most people around you don’t understand what you’re dealing with. As a result, you may feel incredibly isolated. That’s where this book comes in. While the first edition laid the groundwork, this expanded version goes deeper. It includes insights I’ve gained through coaching, plus new topics and tools to help you handle the emotional, practical, and relational challenges of building a life with a widower.
If you’re still in the early stages of dating, I recommend starting with my first book, Dating a Widower: Starting a Relationship with a Man Who’s Starting Over. It covers how to tell if he’s ready, what red flags to look for, and how to navigate those early grief milestones. This book picks up where that one leaves off: after you’re in an exclusive relationship and you’re starting to imagine a future together. This book will help you decide what’s working, what’s not, and whether you’re ready to move on or take the next step. You’ll also find stories from other women, practical advice, and honest answers to tough questions. All of this will help you know if your relationship is solid and give you the confidence to choose what’s right for you.
Abel Keogh
August 2025
New, Second Edition: Life with a Widower
The second edition of Life with a Widower: How to Overcome Unique Challenges, Set Boundaries, and Create a Secure, Lasting Relationship is now available in print, digital, and audiobook.
You’re in a Serious Relationship with a Widower. Now what?
Loving a widower isn’t like dating someone who’s divorced or simply single. You’re stepping into a story that began before you and which hasn’t fully ended. His late wife lingers in his heart, his home, and sometimes in the eyes of his kids, family, and friends. So how do you know if he’s ready to love again? If he is, how do you build a future together without getting lost in the past?
This honest, practical guide gives you the clarity and confidence to deal with the special challenges associated with dating a widower. Inside, you’ll discover:
How to tell if he’s emotionally available or mired in sorrow.
When to be patient and when to walk away.
How to handle his kids, in-laws, and friends who might not be ready for you.
What to do with the late wife’s belongings.
How to create your own space, your own relationship, and your own future.
How to protect your heart without shutting down.
Written by remarried widower and relationship coach Abel Keogh, this book delivers no-nonsense advice and hard-won insight from someone who’s been there and helped thousands of women get the answers they need. It also includes over 20 stories from women who have traveled this journey.
If you’re tired of second-guessing where you stand and ready to find out whether your relationship with a widower has a future, this book will show you the way forward.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: You Can’t Save, Heal, or Fix a Widower
Chapter 2: Love, Loss, and Long-Term Goals: Aligning Your Relationship Vision
Chapter 3: The Best Way to Honor the Late Wife
Chapter 4: Navigating Relationships with the Widower’s Children
Chapter 5: Navigating Relationships with the Late Wife’s Family, Their Friends, and Others
Chapter 6: Navigating Holidays and Family Traditions
Chapter 7: What to do With the Late Wife’s Things
Chapter 8: Should You Move in with a Widower?
Chapter 9: How to Break Up with a Widower
Chapter 10: What to Do When a Widower Ends the Relationship
Chapter 11: Widowers and Second Chances?
Chapter 12: The Power of Forgiveness
Chapter 13: The Courage to Commit