From First Date to Soulmate: Finding True Love in the Age of Narcissism, Addictions, and Hooking Up
Discover Your Path to True Love
Are you ready to find your soulmate and build a love that lasts a lifetime? Best-selling author and renowned relationship coach Abel Keogh brings you From First Date to Soulmate, the ultimate handbook for anyone seeking a deep, meaningful, and life-long connection.
Drawing on timeless love stories and over 15 years of professional experience as a relationship coach, Abel offers a unique blend of wisdom, practical advice, and inspiring insights to guide your journey. This indispensable guide reveals:
The Key Qualities of a Soulmate: Understand what truly matters in a partner and how to recognize those traits.
Dealbreakers Uncovered: Learn to identify and avoid red flags that could sabotage your happiness.
Effective Strategies for Finding Love: Discover the most successful methods for meeting and connecting with your soulmate.
Protection from Heartbreak: Recognize and steer clear of narcissists, addicts, and people seeking casual flings.
How to Build a Lasting Relationship: Navigate the transition from dating to a lifelong commitment with confidence.e
From First Date to Soulmate is more than just a book—it's your practical guide to finding and maintaining a fulfilling and enduring relationship. Whether you're starting fresh or seeking to deepen an existing relationship, this book will provide the tools and inspiration to find and keep the love of your life.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: What Is a Soulmate?
Chapter 2: Who Is Your Soulmate?
Chapter 3: The First Area: Physical and Emotional Attraction
Chapter 4: The Second Area: Personal Values
Chapter 5: The Third Area: Money and Finances
Chapter 6: The Fourth Area: Sex & Intimacy
Chapter 7: The Fifth Area: Education, Intelligence, and Work Ethic
Chapter 8: The Sixth Area: Immediate and Extended Family
Chapter 9: The Seventh Area: Recreational Activities
Chapter 10: How to Find Your Soulmate
Chapter 11: Identifying and Avoiding Narcissists
Chapter 12: Identifying and Avoiding Addicts
Chapter 13: Identifying and Avoiding the Hookup Culture
Chapter 14: The Price of Love
Chapter 15: Final Thoughts
Introduction
I've been fortunate enough to find two soulmates. My first soulmate, Krista, was someone I grew up with. We lived less than a mile apart and attended the same church and schools, yet we never dated or showed interest in each other during childhood. It wasn't until a chance encounter in college, where we were both students, that our paths truly crossed. This led to our first date and, eventually, four years later, to our marriage. Our time together came to an abrupt end when Krista took her own life a few years later.
Six months after Krista's death, I met my second soulmate, Julianna. I noticed her at church—a beautiful woman who caught my eye and sparked my interest. It took me a few weeks to gather the courage to ask her out. On our second date, the connection was undeniable, and I knew she was soulmate material. Julianna took a little longer to feel the same way, but eventually she did, and nine months after our first date, we tied the knot. As of this writing, Julianna and I have been happily married for 21 years.
The idea for this book came about one summer evening on the commute home from work. I was thinking about soulmates, and my mind bounced back and forth between Julianna and Krista. Julianna and I had been married only a few months then, but our marriage was just as fulfilling, if not better, than my marriage to Krista. At the time, I struggled to understand how I could fall in love with two women who were complete opposites. Krista was verbose, creative, and outspoken. Julianna was reserved, logical, and scientific. Krista loved traveling. Julianna was more of a homebody. Krista never cared much about exercise, while Julianna ran marathons. Krista had a degree in English literature. Julianna has a chemistry degree. They liked different foods and had different tastes in music and entertainment. Finding any common ground between them was challenging, and I often wondered how two soulmates could be so different. This question lingered with me for many years, driving my curiosity and ultimately leading to the creation of this book.
In the following years, I wrote several relationship guides and began my work as a relationship coach, focusing primarily on widows, widowers, and those dating them. Over time, I started piecing together an intriguing pattern. Many of my widowed clients had experienced wonderful marriages with their late spouses and wanted to find a second relationship just as fulfilling. However, for those who found love and had a successful Chapter 2, their new partner was often strikingly different in personality, tastes, and interests from their late spouse. It couldn’t be a coincidence. As I learned more about their past and present relationships, I discovered that when you stripped away surface-level differences, their late spouse and new partner usually shared much in common in seven specific areas. I then realized that Krista and Julianna mirrored each other in these same areas.
I also observed recurring patterns among my widowed clients who struggled to find or open their hearts to a new relationship. Like their first love, they wanted a meaningful relationship but couldn’t find the right person or make it work. Their challenges often boiled down to one or more of the following reasons:
They lacked clarity on the qualities, characteristics, and attributes they wanted in a soulmate, often leading them to choose incompatible partners.
They didn’t know how to find a soulmate, relying on passive approaches like hoping to meet someone by chance or using methods with a low success rate.
They or their partner weren’t willing to make the necessary sacrifices—emotional, practical, or personal—to open their hearts and build a new life together.
Over time, I came to understand that the lessons, successes, and failures I witnessed are not exclusive to widowed individuals or their partners. As my coaching practice grew to include single and divorced clients, I saw them finding soulmates using the same insights and strategies. These patterns aren’t new. As a lover of history, I recognize that the same dynamics can be found in the stories of famous couples, like Queen Victoria and Prince Albert or John and Abigail Adams, who navigated their own paths to find a soulmate.
I’ve included their stories and stories from other famous couples and individuals because they show valuable insights into love, commitment, and overcoming obstacles—perspectives that remain relevant regardless of the era. Their experiences can teach us about the enduring qualities that make relationships work, helping us navigate our own journeys with greater wisdom and perspective. Their stories and the other information in this book will help you know the characteristics you want and need in a soulmate, how to screen out those who aren’t soulmate material, the most effective strategies to find a soulmate, and the sacrifices required to make a relationship last. Armed with this information, you can confidently approach dating, update your strategy, and find the love of your life.
Choosing a soulmate—the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with—is the most important decision you’ll ever make. Choose wrong, and you’ll have regrets that will last a lifetime. Choose wisely, and you’ll experience more happiness and joy than you’ve ever thought possible.
I wish you all the best in finding the love of your life.
Abel Keogh
January 2025