Widower Wednesday: Subtitle Help
July 6th, 2011 | 50 comments
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This week, I’m asking for one last bit of help with the forthcoming Dating a Widower book. (Regular Widower Wendesday topics to resume next week!) One thing my editor and I have been struggling with is the subtitle to the Dating a Widower book. We’ve thrown some ideas back and forth but really haven’t found anything that sticks. So what I’d like this week is some feedback from you on the seven subtitles below. Is there one that jumps out at you? Are there changes or tweaks you’d make to one of them? Do you have one that would work better than those listed below? If someone suggests a tweak to an existing subtitle or comes up with a new one that I end up using, you’ll receive a free copy of Dating a Widower book when it’s released in next month.
Here are some of the subtitles ideas we’ve been tossing around:
- How to Have a Successful Relationship with a Man Who’s Starting Over
- A Woman’s Guide to Men, Grief, and Moving On
- A Guide to Knowing if He’s Ready to for a New Relationship
- Starting a Relationship with a Man Who’s Starting Over
- How to Know if He’s Ready to Move On
- Everything You Need to Know About Dating a Man Who’s Starting Over
- A Guide to Dating a Man Who’s Starting Over
Thanks for your help!
Update: For those who aren’t familiar with the book, think of it as a 101 guide to dating a widower. It covers the basics of dating a widower (what to look out for, red flags, how he should treat you, etc.) as well as successful and not so successful stories from women who have dated widowers.
Entry Filed under: Widower Wednesday
Abel,
In my opinion, these all sound wordy or limiting. Not knowing the content of your book, I would ask: What IS the main purpose/content of the book? That may help you with the subtitle. Is it just to know if someone is ready to move on? Is it more along the lines of: Stories for Success from Those Who Have Been There?
Good point, Trina. Basically the book is a Dating a Widower 101 guide with DAW success and failure stories mixed in. I’ve also added more detail in the blog post.
How about if you skip the subtitle and just call it:
DATING A WIDOWER 101?
I agree with this suggestion. You only really need a subtitle if it adds to the description or clarifies the content. Your title is pretty straight-forward, so you may not need a wordy subtitle. If you do choose to go with one, I’d keep it short. How about “Starting out with someone who’s starting over”
Everything You Need to Know About Dating a Man Who’s Starting Over
I like this, but possibly use “A guideline” or “Things you need to be prepared for when dating a man who’s starting over” instead of “everything.” Everthing suggests that this has every answer, and we all know, as much as you put in there that is helpful, there are still things that no one can possible cover…so maybe tweek it that way. I like most of them, but this one gives me the most hope that by opening this book, I may find some help…so there’s my opinion.
I’m not fond of the #1 because not all relationships will be successful with a widower, even if we religiously follow the details of the book…lol
Thanks, Tami. Hope is what I’m looking for.
A guide to helping you and the widower in your life to have a healthy and happy relationship.
Perhaps something along the lines of “Challenges, stories, and advice for dating a man who’s starting over”
I agree, you don’t want it to sound too comprehensive given that no book can cover every scenario possible and I think even obvious hyperbole can seem misleading. I think including the “challenges” part would indicate the less than ideal circumstances some women deal with in their relationships. As Tami said, some relationships won’t be successful even if someone follows all the professional and friendly advice in the world. I think letting the readers know from the beginning that various problems are normal would be a great thing.
Thanks, Lindsey. I like where your subtitle is heading. Got the brain firing.
A man “starting over” can be a divorced man, or a man coming out of of rehab for that matter. Death is hard to address in a subtitle without it making the whole subtitle sound negative, but——
“How to love a man here and now while his first love is in the hereafter.”
Ted, I agree. However, I’m operating on the assumption that the title will probably be something along the lines of “Dating a Widower”, so hopefully that will clarify what the “starting over” part means.
Yeah, Tunnel vision here. I was just thinking of the subtitle apart from the actual title. Not a good approach.
Ted, that assumes the late spouse IS in the hereafter, or that the late wife was indeed his first love. Might be true. Might not be.
Also, while I am all for people following the religion/philosophy they feel is right for them, the hereafter reference could be off-putting for atheists and agnostics. Perhaps more neutral language.
Is ‘hereafter’ necessarily religious? The dictionary has typicallly two or three definitions before you get down to the religious meaning. “At some time to come, in some future state” e.g. All persons have a destination after death. If the late wife has no soul, she still ‘goes somewhere’. In that case her hereafter is the grave or the urn because her future state will be that particular destination. Forever.
Ted, I don’t know if that phrase is necessarily religous, but the book isn’t and I’d prefer more neutral language.
Or to make the syntax more balanced, add just a couple more syllables—
“How to love a man in the here-and-now while his first love is in the hereafter.”
OR USE WHEN instead of while:
“How to love a man in the here-and-now when his first love is in the hereafter.”
“Widowers 101: Tips To Dating A Man Who Is Starting Over”
I like the word Tips.
How about “It’s not for dummies” (a play on all the new intruction books for dummies lol) or “It’s not rocket science” lol. All kidding aside…I think you want to avoid catch phrases like “Everything you need to know…” since that is not possible. I think I would avoid all the other standard self-help catch phrases too, since a lot depends on the individuals themselves as much if not more than the circumstance. In addition, he’s not really “starting over” because that would imply starting from the beginning which is also impossible…it’s more like starting in the middle especially since there are usually children but always other friends and relatives to consider. How about something like “answers to some of your most common questions and occurances” since that seems to be what GOWs and WOWs are usually looking for. I like this because it implies that they are not alone or crazy for how they are thinking or feeling…one of the most popular statements that I read from many new posters and a big reason why they visit these sites in the first place. What do you think?
Hmmmmmm….I like the word answers
How about simply…”answers to the most commonly asked questions” because that’s exactly what the book is. I don’t recommend anything that implies the book will solve everything because it cannot. I also would not recommend overstating what the challenges are because it’s not like that for everyone…and it might scare some folks away altogether (as it would for me). I would hesitate to offer the book as a checklist to see if he is ready. I think some W’s find that insulting, and it implies a strong position of judgment. Readiness is different for everyone. I definitely think less is more.
You’ve got my brain going, AJ. THanks!
I see it as kind of an “FAQ”. Maybe you can even subtitle it that…FAQs for women in this relationship (or this special relationship, or this unique relationship if you feel you need to qualify it). I think I would avoid defining it too much on the cover.
#3 and 5 kinda invite a woman to analyze and play counselor – something females don’t need any encouragement to do. We have magazines and self-help galore that teach us to read tea leaves and often to our detriment. Dating should never put the burden of “figuring out in order to fix” on either party. Too many books already treat poor relationships as a matter of one party (usually the man) being in need of “help” when it is more often the case the he simply isn’t looking for the same thing that his girlfriend is.
#2 is nice. It’s not too wordy and just offers info that a woman might feel she needs.
Good point on #5 and #5 Annie. Thanks!
How about “The rewards and the challenges, with stories from women who know”
Not sure about the “starting over” part. That makes me think of going back to the beginning and starting like the marriage to LW never happened. I like “moving on” or “moving forward” better.
Also, “first love” doesn’t always fit either, as some widowers may have been married and divorced prior to marriage to LW, so that would have been 2nd love, etc.
Yeah, Terri, I know that the LW is not always the very first love, but the term covers a lot of territory and for practical purposes, since the LW is usually the ‘elephant’ in the room, she might as well be his first love and only love.
Ted, late to comment but as the ‘real’ first love, and apparently part of a trend in first loves reconnecting later in life, I’d find that title offputting. I agree with the elephant part, though . . .
Sorry, somehow missed the post from AJ about the starting over issue.
..make that “only love prior to GOW”.
Just thinking:
PJ
? When your love is a widower.
? Experience and support for the new love in his life.
? When love involves three.
I like 4 because it sticks to the point, and does not make promises that they book may not ultimately be able to deliver on. IMO #1 seems to promise success, and success may be more likely if you go in forewarned and forearmed, but not guaranteed.#2 is too vague. #3 and #5 are tricky to me because often the W himself is 100% certain he is ready, and finds out too late (sometimes years in) that he wasn’t after all. #6 and #7 are good, but I think #4 makea their same points more straighforwardly and succinctly.
Thanks, Caitlin. Good points.
Of the list of 7, I choose 7. #4 doesn’t work for me because a lot of the content in the book I presume is not about just starting a relationship but examples of what to do when you are in, as one old friend used to say, “In the big thick middle of it”. And #6 promises too much. I don’t know if there could ever be a book that covers EVERYTHING regarding a relationship with a W. LOL.
But Ted, you’re not dating a widower.
OK OK. I got it. Whole new approach based on that old saying that Ginger Rogers danced better than Fred Astaire because she did everything he did, but backwards and in high heels.. New Title: DANCING WITH A WIDOWER
Subtitle: Keeping your balance and sanity with a man who’s starting over.
Dancing with a Widower: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.
Not really. Just made me giggle.
Symptoms, Signals, Cues, and Clues towards a successful startiing over for both
I like the following as it says it all. “Widowers 101: Tips To Dating A Man Who Is Starting Over”
Whatever the title and subtitle, Abel, I intend to buy at least one copy to give to the library down in Fayetteville. It’s a sizable library but your book will be SOMETHING of a resource in the void down there. Very little for widowers or GOWs there except for VHS tapes of The Andy Griffith Show.
“Very little for widowers or GOWs there except for VHS tapes of The Andy Griffith Show.”
Hey, you’re right. Andy was a widower. I forgot about that. Did he ever remarry?
Nope. He dated some really nice ladies. A pharmacist (played by the actress who played the oldest daughter in Father Knows Best) and a nice redhead (school teacher I think) who looked back then what that ‘hot’ redhead NCIS director Lauren Holly looks like today. But never any wedding bells for Andy. I guess if there had been, then they would have had to write poor Aunt Bee out of the show and that would not have been a nice thing to do.
Andy and Helen married in the first show of the spinoff, Mayberry RFD. They returned to the show a year later with their newborn son, Andy, Jr. and then again for a reunion type show when Opie was having his first child. Aneta Corsaut played red-headed school teacher, Helen Crump.
It took me a moment to ‘get it’ Abel as I stared at the computerized card catalog results on the screen. I did a ‘say what’??? And then saw the phrase “small town sheriff who is a widower’ in the medium description. And then I groaned and left the library.
Survival guide 101 for dating a Widower
Ohhhhhhhhh. Survival Guide. Sweet!
I like the idea of a ‘guidebook.”
The Successful Woman’s Guide to Dating a Widower.”
I don’t like the titles with ‘starting over’ in them; the reader is already in a one-down position.
Carol, good point. Technically we’re all “starting over” when we start a new relationship… but so much additional emphasis is put on the widower status simply b/c of how that relationship ended. I like the “survival guide” comment, Lol . The first couple years of our marraige was definitely survival mode.