Widower Wednesday: It Doesn’t Matter How She Died

First, a quick reminder about some different dating a widower resources out there. For women who are currently dating or married to a widower, there’s the Dating a Widower Facebook group. It’s a great place to vent, ask questions, or socialize with other women who have been there, done that.

For widowers who are dating again or thinking about dating again, there’s the Widowers Dating Again Facebook group. We’re not quite as chatty as the Dating a Widower group but the conversations we do have are very helpful. It’s also a great place to beat your chest or do a reality check with other widowers who are dating again.


The first thing to remember when dating a widower is not to make excuses for his bad behavior. Too often women give bad behavior a pass because they think the widower is still grieving or dealing with other death related issues. As a result they overlook or ignore signs that the widower isn’t ready to move on with his life and is simply using that person to fill the void in his life.

Lately it seems I’ve got a flood of emails asking if how the late wife died has anything to do with a widower’s ability to commit to a long term relationship. It doesn’t matter if the late wife was killed in a car crash, took her own life, was murdered, or died from a horrible illness. How she died has little or no bearing on whether or not a widower can start a new chapter in his life and commit to a new relationship.

All widowers have to take a similar mental and physical journey to put the past in a special place and move forward. How the late wife died may add or subtract a step or two but the journey of starting a new chapter is basically the same for everyone—regardless of how their spouse died.

What about widowers who who’s late wife died from a prolonged illness? Because they’ve had time to say goodbye, they’re generally more prepared than other widowers to start dating earlier than, say, a widower who’s wife died unexpectedly. However, just because they’re father along in the grieving process doesn’t mean they more willing to commit or won’t have other issues to deal with.

So don’t let the way his wife died cause you to make excuses for his inability to commit or other bad behavior. Widowers who are ready to start a new chapter in their lives with someone else will do so. How the late wife died has very little, if anything, to with a widower’s ability to make you number one.