Widower Wednesday: Dating a Widower Discussion Boards
May 18th, 2011 | 24 comments
A big THANK YOU to all those who submitted a story to the forthcoming Dating a Widower book. I received over 100 submissions. I spent part of the weekend categorizing them and reading as many as time allowed. I still have another 50 or so to read through. I’m hoping to have final selections done in the next two weeks. If your story is selected, I hope to let you know no later than the first half of June.
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I’m short on time today so instead of posting some dating a widower advice, I’d like to get some feedback from readers of this column.
As many of you know, I’ve operated a Dating a Widower Facebook group for the last 18 months or so. For the most part the group has been a big success. Right now it has nearly 300 members and a very active discussion thread going on. (Feel free to join if you aren’t already part of it.)
Facebook has recently changed the way the groups work and have required group administrators to upgrade the groups or lose them. A couple of weeks ago I upgraded the DAW group. As a result this resulted in some changes to the group—some good, others not so good.
On the good side, the Facebook group is now totally private. No one, except for other members of the group, can see the posts. The changes also make it easier for members to see when there have been updates to the group. Since the upgrade, the number of discussion threads has increased dramatically.
The one major downside is that now that all discussion threads are posted on the group’s wall, it’s more difficult so sort through topics. Sometimes multiple threads with similar or the same topics are going on simultaneously. As a result several members have asked if I’d be open to starting a discussion board on my site or elsewhere that’s easier to navigate.
Starting a private DAW discussion board on my website would be easy and affordable. All I have to do is push a button on the backend and pay an extra two or three dollars a month to keep it operational. Neither is a problem for me right now.
Personally, I’d rather keep the Facebook group going. The way I look at it people are more likely to visit their Facebook page than my site every day. With the group upgrade, seeing if there are new posts or discussion threads. My biggest worry is that having two discussion groups (my site and Facebook) would decrease overall participation. I’d rather have one strong, active group then two weak groups. However, I’m willing to consider starting one on this site enough people express interest.
So email me or leave comments below on what you think. Is the Facebook group good enough or would you rather have a discussion board–one that might take the place of the Facebook group? I’ll take comments over the next couple weeks and let you know of my decision by the end of June.
Entry Filed under: Widower Wednesday
Abel, my personal thought is that the Facebook page could be kept open, perhaps more as a re-direct to the new-and-improved “real” discussion board. I think that would give people the option of connecting with the group and then heading to another location for more in depth discussion. It would also still give you a way to reference people back to your blog via the Widower Wednesday updates or perhaps links to particularly useful/interesting discussions happening on the “better” board.
Lastly, I think it would be beneficial because we’d likely be able to have sticky threads. Keeping posts at the top of the board (an introduction thread for newcomers, commonly used abbreviations, etc) would be WONDERFUL and FB never allowed us that capability.
Obviously, the decision is ultimately yours and I completely understand the reservations about having two mediocre boards vs. one really active one. No matter what the decision, I will do my best to continue to contribute when I am able. Thanks for taking the time to consider our suggestions!
-Lindsey
Being a computer novice, I have no real idea what you are talking about–how would I access the ‘Facebook” page you are talking about?
@Lindsey — I think you bring up the biggest advantages of going to a more traditional discussion board. Whatever way I end up going, THANK YOU for your help with the Facebook group. It’s been invaluable.
@Diney — Do you have a Facebook account? You’ll need one to join the group. If so, just click the link in the post or click HERE.
I would participate in either and just requested to join the facebook page.
I say we all bombard facebook with angry emails telling them we want the discussion tab back. That’s the only problem I have with the page.
I would prefer a discussion board on here but I only joined facebook one recently too. I didn’t know it existed so haven’t really had a chance to weigh up the pros and cons of either. At this point in time though I think I’d be nervous posting personal stuff on facebook under my full name with profile etc just in case! You know how facebook keeps changing privacy settings every 5 mins, I’d worry that through some loophole that I’ll miss in future where I haven’t ticked some box I have to tick to opt out, any posts on the DAW facebook page might suddenly be accessible to all on my profile. Paranoid?? Me??? Nooooo!!!!
I may be old, but I’m adaptable. Whatever works. I can understand some women being a bit reluctant of posting on FB, but I and others have tested it/check it out and have verified that unless you are a member you can’t see the posts.
I’m not on Facebook. I’d enjoy seeing a discussion board here.
Hi:
One of the reasons I don’t post on FB is because I am not sure of the security part of it…..can others see. I am concerned about that because my W’s kids are my friends on FB and I just don’t want them to read any of my personal stuff regarding my W.
Ted, I read your post and feel a bit better about things. I do know that in the past when I have commented, it does say on my wall under recent activity….’you commented on Dating a Widow page. Is that only seen by me, being a member or is it seen by everyone that visits my wall?
In the past, I have just deleted the recent activity.
Take care everyone…..it’s got to get better, right?
My vote’s to keep and somehow improve FB group page…simply b/c I can’t access this page from my work computer like I used to
Otherwise, I’d be all for this one.
I do think, though, that the FB group gets lots of traffic and would be the more robust group if both were to be set up.
I have tried to join the facebook page numerous times (with my real name / account) and have never been approved. So either there is a reason that people aren’t approved due to criteria that isn’t stated or FB is broken somehow.
If it wasn’t for being able to read the posts here, I wouldn’t want to join the FB page. So completely taking the posts off of here wouldn’t be good or having a message board that is also not viewable by the public. That would block newcomers from knowing what Able is about and how awesome the posters to this site are and stop people from learning about the supportive community that the posters have created on this site.
I also find that other sites that have “elitists” message boards are off-putting. Open forums allow for all opinions and all opinions allow people to grow in agreeing to disagree if need be. “Elitist” means your membership is dependent on agreeing with the boards owner. Which is why I am a little disappointed about the FB group – one that it is closed to the public and two that I wonder if there is some reason that people aren’t approved.
My vote would be to continue the FB DAW board (which addresses issues as they arise) AND add a privacy feature to the current “Widower Wednesday” format.
FB DAW lets members pitch a topic/question as it becomes relevant to their lives, and this site focuses on one topic per week in a more philosophical manner, a topic selected by the site’s facilitator. I think both are great resources.
Just my two cents….Abel, I have an occupation that – while I have a FB acct – requires it to be incognito. I had to discontinue my traditional page for safety reasons relating to my job – FB keeps messing with the security settings and if you don’t change them pronto – or even if you do – I found myself in a position where my family and I had safety concerns that I just wasn’t comfortable with.
Personally, this site is nice because I can call myself whatever I want, share my story, learn from others, and feel safe. I would be willing to personally pay the annual increase for you here for at least a year to keep this rolling.
I agree with KS. I like that we can be incognito. I have way too many contacts on FB and I don’t want everyone I know being able to access my personal information, the stories I share, the advice I get and give…This site has been a personal place for me to get out some of the most intimate concerns about dating a widower, some things I won’t share with most people. Anyway, that’s my 2 cents!
@Emily — I’ll email you about the FB group and try to see what’s going on.
@Everyone — Widower Wednesday columns ARE NOT GOING AWAY! I promise I’ll keep writing them as long as I have something to say. We’re just trying to figure out if the discussion board would be better than the FB group!!!!!
@Emily — Can you DM me via Facebook? Thanks!
facebook and keep it locked down…so we who are going thru this stuff can vent w out judgement. Thanks so much…
After leaving a few posts on the Facebook page, I was surprised to see that all responses to my posts as well as other posts came to my regular e-mail account. Unless there’s a way to prevent that, I’d prefer the current website. It would mean sorting through lots of additional inbox mail each week. I do have
@Carol — In the DAW Faceobok group, click on Edit Settings at the top of the page. There you can control how many (if any) emails your recieve and what email address you go to. Hope this helps.
I am not on Facebook, would prefer that the discussion group was on your site, Abel
I’m on FB, but not joined to any widower-related FB sites, b/c I’m not a truster when it comes to FB security (and one of my stepdaughters friended me on FB). So I’d probably stick to this site, unless someone can teach me how to be absolutely sure no one can see that I’ve joined the FB site or what I’ve posted there! That being said, if someone can educate me on how not to mess that up, I’d be willing to give it a shot!
I would prefer to check out your website. I visit your website much more often than I check out facebook. I also agree that I wouldn’t want all of my friends/family to see anything that I might post although this is my first!
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