Widower Wednesday: Call For Marrying a Widower Stories
January 4th, 2012 | 10 comments
Three days ago I started writing Marrying a Widower, the follow-up book to my Dating a Widower book. I hope to have the book available no later than May 2012.
As with Dating a Widower, I’m looking for one or two real life stories to add at the end of every chapter. The stories you submit can be positive ones, “learning” experiences, or something in between. The purpose of these stories is to help readers know if the widower they’re dating is ready to tie the knot and if marrying a widower is right for them. If you’re interested in sharing your story, you must be engaged to, previously engaged to, married to, divorced from, or in a co mmitted lifelong relationship with a widower.
I’m particularly looking for stories that can address the following situations:
- How did you know the widower was (or wasn’t) ready for marriage?
- How did you learn to communicate with your widower?
- What are some ways you made the late wife’s home feel like your home?
- How did you handle the late wife’s family being part of your new life?
- How did you successfully blend families or deal with the widower’s adult and minor children?
- What are some new traditions that you and the widower started that helped make your relationship seem new instead of a rehash of his previous marriage?
- How did you deal with burial arrangements, wills, and other end of life issues?
- What are some things the widower does to make you feel like number one? What are some things you do to make him feel like number one?
- How did you set expectations so the widower realized you were a different person than the late wife?
- If your widower does his best to make you feel like number one, how did you overcome any insecurities that still made you feel like second best?
To submit your story for consideration, send me an email. Please keep submissions between 250-750 words. You can submit more than one story but please send them in different emails. (This way I can organize them for quick reference.) All submissions must be received by February 15, 2012. I’ll be letting people know if their essay will appear in the book by the end of February.
If your story is selected, you’ll receive a free copy of the Marrying a Widower book as soon as it’s published. To protect your privacy, you can publish your story under a pen name if you wish.
Questions? Email me.
Thanks in advance for your help!
Entry Filed under: Widower Wednesday
Ive been married for 5 years. I have alot of love for my husband thats why im still here. Would i ever marry a widower again i think not. My husband has 4 adult kids he is an enabler whatever they want they get. My husband goes to one of his adult kids home offen he says i dont like his kids. but has never asked me why i dont go. its because when any of his adult kids are around me all they do is bad mouth my husband to me and want to no what they are getting when he is gone. I have always told them talk to your dad. when they talk bad about him to me and tell me if i repeat it they will deny it. my husband is very defencsive of his kids. this is my husbands home alot of his deceased wife things are still all around even alot of photos
i understand he misses her even when he has stopped making love to me. when we met i asked him if he could try and start a new beaging he said yes. i dont think thats happened but i am married to him for better or worse. i could tell you alot more but i dont know how to make it short and sweet im not a writer.
Being an enabler has nothing to do with being a W. Odds are he was like that before his wife died. Sorry to hear he won’t stand up for you when the kids are around.
Hi Shadow Wife
I tried to stay and loved on my widower and his 3 children ages 8yrs to 15 yrs., but he was not committed nor in full love with me . It hurt like heck, but I am out on my own now. I realized I was just a nanny for his kids. I was not his type of woman though I still love him. He has since moved on and getting married to a woman in Flordia this year I hear. I still miss his children but he does not want me around them since he is upset wiith me for leaving the home,but I had too. He was being very disrespectful to me and not helping the children bond with me. I did nothing wrong to them but he wants room in their heart for the new woman he has found.. He slowly gave me signs in the marriage he was not committed to me.I was always respectful and let him and children talk about the past wife. But the patting me on the knee when I needed a hug, the refusal to cuddle, …I was just duped that is all.
Good Luck
Abel–perhaps this needs to be sent to you in an e-mail, but I am posting it here because of comment it may generate. I was a young divorcee with 2 small children when I was introduced to my husband, who was a recent widower with 4 young children. We have been married nearly 36 years, now. Has it been easy? No, but I didn’t expect it to be. Has it been worth it? Sometimes!
I didn’t have any issues with pictures of late wife because there were none around–he took slides, though, and there were hundreds of them, but not out in the open to run into as I went from room to room. I moved into his home, where we lived for about 18 months, during which time we designed and built a home of our own. After several weeks, I had to say to him -”If you have room for me in your life, you have to make room for me in your house.” I was tired of living out of the suitcase I took on our wedding trip. Learning to communicate was our most difficult challenge because right from the beginning, I was told by him and by others, that he and LW never argued, never used raised voices with each other, never had disagreements–however, I think there are people who say this about their relationships and those around them think “Well, there is plenty you should at least be discussing because there are definitely issues that need working on.” Even LW’s mother called me several times to ask about how things were going, and asked if I had noticed “thus and such”, and she was concerned –mostly issues with the children. By the way, blending our family was both hard and easy–but our kids all consider each other their siblings, and all have each others’ backs, so to speak. From my perspective, I think that folks who are divorced should probably marry others with the same background, while those who have lost their spouses to death should probably remarry those who have had the same experience. The LW issue is the only issue that has nearly derailed us many times, and did so again during the past month. Sometimes, it just seems like it is just not worth all the angst. I love my husband dearly, and I know he loves me–BUT–his first wife will ALWAYS be first. That is just the way it is!
Wait! What?!? Thirty six years and LW is still an issue? How?
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