A widower finds himself in a tough situation with his adult daughters:
I am kind of at a loss. My grown daughters, 45 and 41 are not doing well with my new relationship. Me and a woman have been together for a little over two years and have recently become engaged.
I guess I don't know how to talk to my daughters. I feel like I am being judged when trying to talk to them. . I had asked them if they would go to counseling with me and they acted like they would but when it came down to it, nothing. When my younger daughter finally came to one of my counseling sessions she talked the whole time and was upset when the counselor told her she needed some help. They probably need some grief counseling but they seem to use their circle of friends as their support group and so their friends seem to side with them.
Any ideas on how I can talk to them?
One of the sad lessons I've learned over the years is that if people don't want to change, there's not much you can do for them. For example, a drug or alcohol addict will keep using and abusing their substance of choice until they hit rock bottom and want to change their lives. I know people who will lie, cheat, and steal every chance they get because they get a because they haven't been given a sufficient reason to change their behavior. Your daughters are adults. For better or worse, they can make their own decisions. Unfortunately, unless you're daughter want to change and have a reason to make a change, it's not going to happen.
That being said, you've tried to help them and they've refused. You've tried to talk to them and they won't listen. So stop putting your life on hold and concentrate on making the life with your fiancé the best it can be. I'm not suggesting you cut your daughters out of your life, but I do suggest you stop waiting for their permission or them to move on in order to live your life or for you and your fiancé to be happy.
It's a good thing you've fallen in love again. It's a good thing you're engaged. It's a good thing the new woman in your life makes you happy. Make her the center of your universe. And if others won't be happy for you, that's their problem. You've got a life to live. Make the most of it.
Hope this helps,